Is it normal during wedding planning to have moments where you wish you eloped?

posted 1 week ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

To answer your question, I dont think its unusual. 

Just a word of advice, and I know it can be easier said than done, but try not to stress about all the fine details.

As women we are kind of trained to believe that our wedding should be a  perfectly executed production down to every minute detail.  But your guests don’t know your vision, and if something goes undone they won’t even realize, nor care, as long as the main aspects are covered. 

If you have a venue for a ceremony and reception with food and drink, as well as music, flowers and photography then you pretty much have all you need.  All the additional details are just fluff and won’t make or break your wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

oh man I had the exact same feelings literally up until the day before my wedding lol. But I’m so happy I had a wedding with all my loved ones. It was worth it in the end for me, but I was so stressed for so many reasons leading up to it.

Post # 4
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Totally normal. I just got married a few weeks ago and let me tell you, all the details I stressed over weren’t worth it, at the end of the day the wedding day goes by so fast you’ll be lucky to remember any of it. Try to relax, try to delegate to people who want to help, and realize that the day of you just gotta focus on remembering the moments nothing else to you will matter. If I could do it all over again I’d have a very small wedding/ elope. 

Post # 5
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I felt the exact same way leading up to my wedding. I even feel that way to an extent after the fact. We purchased a house shortly after we got engaged. I hate being the center of attention. And it was so much money and planning! While I loved our wedding, I still feel that I wouldn’t have regretted eloping. 

Post # 6
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I was OVER IT, by the wedding day, and then felt a b it of a let down when it was all over. Almost a year later in so glad we did what we did, and have no regrets. 

Post # 7
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

aquamarinerose :  That’s totally normal and that’s exactly how I felt too. I don’t like being the center of attention either. We had also bought a house during the wedding planning phase. I was stressed the whole 9 months of my engagement. I primarily went through with a wedding because my husband wanted one and so did my parents and I’m glad I was able to fulfill their wishes. But it was SO much work and SO much stress and it went by so fast as PPs mentioned and I didn’t even feel like I got to enjoy it. The whole thing was so rushed too because we were trying to stay on budget. We spent a lot of money and hired a string quartet but we never actually got the chance to enjoy them and we didn’t hear anything from a single one of our guests about it so that was kind of disappointing.

Similar to PP, I was also over it by the time the wedding came around and I felt like it was a bit of a let down too. It felt like we spent the whole time working and worrying and didn’t really get to spend much time with the guests but at the same time we were glad it ended early because we were so tired from all the driving and decorating and we were ready to be done. It was a whirlwind of emotions and I hadn’t anticipated how much time our photographer and videographer would need for setting up and how many times they would make us re-do events that they missed or didn’t get a good angle of!

If it were just up to me, I’d have preferred an elopement in the woods. 

Post # 8
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

aquamarinerose :  Planning a huge event is always stressful, and when it’s a super important life changing event you’ve got emotions running wild and every decision seems like the most major thing in the world. It’s important to keep things in perspective and remember that this is just one day and then it’s over and you’re married.

Im not trying to downplay weddings (this is a wedding site after all) but if you feel like you are only throwing this wedding for everyone else around you and are not super attached to the wedding day itself, I would strongly encourage downsizing and doing what feels right to you. I’m sure at 4.5 months out most everything is mostly paid for and planned, so at the very least, try to let go of all the unnecessary things you possibly can at this point. Even if that means eloping if that’s what you guys want to do. 

Post # 9
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

aquamarinerose :  This is normal and I don’t like being the center of attention either, never liked my birthday for that reason. We had an elaborate wedding and it was all worth it in the end and it all got done but I definitely had those moments in the last months and especially weeks before the wedding!

Post # 10
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I felt exactly as you did. I now have some very happy memories of what turned out to be, for me, a beautiful small wedding. However, I still occassionally think that the stress I felt leading up to it was NOT worth it. The anxiety of wedding planning overshadowed the joy I had felt at being engaged.

You don’t have to celebrate your marriage with a wedding just because our culture says that’s the standard way to do it. If you are experiencing so much stress, continue to analyze what’s causing it and what you might do to alleviate it. Don’t put yourself in a bind of thinking your only choices are a traditional wedding or elopement. A very small affair with just close family and few friends might be more manageable. You are not required to follow traditions. Take a step back and reassess. Just because this type of stress is very common does not mean you should just accept that you have to suffer through it.

Edit: Sorry, I just saw the part about you sending out the save the dates and the deposits. So let me alter my advice slightly. No, it is not too late to elope.  You did not send out actual invitations, and if someone decided to just elope after sending me a Save the Date, that wouldn’t bother me. 

I think if you do have a wedding, it would be rude not to invite anyone who had already been sent a Save the Date, so you can’t drastically cut your guest list now. 

As for the deposits, well if you lost a deposit and eloped, I would imagine you would still save a ton of money over having the wedding. So that alone should not be decisive.

Post # 11
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Country/barn

aquamarinerose :  I think yes, it’s probably normal. I definitely had moments where I wish we’d eloped! Wedding planning can be stressful! But it will all work out in the end and you’ll have a beautiful day! At the beginning of planning I wanted everything to be perfect. Closer to the end I was more like screw it. It’ll be what it’ll be lol. And it all worked out. 

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I hope so because this is me every other day 😂

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Yes. We initially decided to elope but end up planning a wedding because we want our loved ones to be there, give them a chance to meet up and have some fun. An elopement overseas would not have allowed us to have any bridal party so I’m particularly happy that my best friends are going to be with me for the wedding.

BUT, planning is stressful and above all the money part is slowly getting out of control. We were sticking to it strictly at first but was talked into having multiple nicer upgrades because this is the only wedding (hopefully!) we’ll ever have. And having many bridesmaids as opposed to none means more expenses (I’m paying for everything and everyone). There are definitely times when I would wish we had stuck to eloping (less hidden/unforeseen costs, less drama) but I’m very much keeping positive thoughts about the wedding 🙂

Post # 14
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Absolutely! It’s normal. I had that thought many times. Most of it was because my mom had tons of opinions and we were butting heads. Sometimes it was just the general stress of it all. But it seemed that overall my guests had fun, lots of people afterwards were saying that it was a good time and mentioning specific things they liked like the food, music, location, church, etc. so it felt good that I pulled off planning a reception for 150 people.

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