Post # 1
I am getting married to my Fiance on October 30th, 2015. At least that’s our plan. Me and my Fiance got in a fight tonight about how I don’t have my cell phone, because I left it at my apartment on accident. And he knew I didn’t have my cell phone before we left my apartment and he didn’t tell me to go up and get it. He just let his dad drive away without letting me get my cell phone before we left. He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go get it, that’s what really pissed me off. And I am addicted to my cell phone so I was pissed. And when I asked him if I could use his cell phone he said “No” which I thought was incondsiderate as f***. So, I looked up “Is it normal for couples to fight a lot right before the wedding?” and I found this website in the google search results. Someone had posted a topic just like this and I got the idea from the replies that this is normal. But, I wanted to see if what me and my Fiance fought about is normal or a bad sign. I also don’t think my meds are working like they should be.
I should probably take this opportunity to official introduce myself. I’m Kristina and I am 26 and my Fiance is 31 (he’ll be 32 August 24th). I am Bipolar Type 1, one doctor at an IOP program I went to at one point said he thinks I have Schizoaffective Disorder (that’s like if Bipolar and Schizophrenia had a baby). I have Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, and I have ADHD. Oh and I’m SMI (which stands for Severely Mentally Ill) which is the reason I have Social Security Disability Insurance. I’m disabled, and I don’t plan on working again because I can not handle working.
Post # 2
Wait I’m confused. Are you mad that he didn’t get your phone/let you use his, or did he get angry at you for not having it? Because that’s two different things. I guess I’m just unclear on the detail.
Post # 3
Couples often find themselves having more disagreements at times of stress or great pressure, and often a wedding can bring quite a bit of stress so some people do find they start bickering a bit more. Minor disagreements and irritation are one thing, but big arguments where people may be insensitive or disrespectful to each others needs are another. These patterns will come up again and again in a relationship long after the wedding is over.
From the sounds of it, you have a number of extra challenges on your plate which make it even more important that you and your Fiance are on the same page and support each other. Learning some techniques to ensure you communicate effectively and don’t sweat the small stuff may be beneficial in the long run. Would you consider attending some couples counselling together to discuss what is going on and find some good coping strategies? If things are concerning you, I would encourage you to take steps to find answers before your wedding date.
Post # 4
What sort of things have you been fighting about? Weddings can be stressful and that can lead to fighting but can you explain a bit more?
Post # 5
My sister is bipolar and she definitely fights more in general with everyone especially when she is not on meds. In general though, wedding planning is stressful. My then fiancé and I had many more disagreementa than my now husband and I have. Now we aren’t high stress trying to be event planners so life is back to normal. I’d say it’s very normal to fight more during a stressful time.
Post # 6
It sounds like a normal fight, not something that should stand in your way. All the best to you, and congratulations.
Post # 7
Wedding stress can add unnecessary struggles to already very stressed mind. If say it’s normal, but try not to let small stuff get to you, because in life, you have to react adequately to really big things and still be able to function.
Post # 8
I guess it depends on why you wanted to use the phone. If it was to use quickly for something essential then that’s fair enough but if it was so you can sit there and play on it all evening, using up his battery/usage then I think it’s fair enough he said no.
Post # 9
I feel like you think he owes you, while he doesnt owe you anything
“And he knew I didn’t have my cell phone before we left my apartment and he didn’t tell me to go up and get it”
He’s not supposed to think about your every action. It is only your responsibility to check if you’ve taken your phone.
Post # 10
This all stemmed from a cell phone. My Fiance makes me put my phone away when spending time together because it is simply a distraction, so maybe that is why your Fiance said “No” to you using his phone. He probably just wants your undivided attention and for you to be present in the moment with him.
As for the continued fighting, it sounds like your Fi has a lot on his plate referring to working to support both you and him and the mental illnesses you have. Am I blaming you for your disability? No. I, too, have a mental disorder that causes me to lash out for no reason or with the slightest thing triggering me. My advice, self reflect. Realize how much your Fiance is doing for you rather than what he’s not. Having a mental disability, especially the ones like you have, is not easy for a person to handle, but your Fiance is. Not only is he handling them, but he’s choosing to marry you because he loves you so much. My advice is to take it easy on the guy and remember to thoroughly think before you speak when your mad. Think if it’s really that big of a deal, is it worth the fight you’re about to put up, and how would you feel if he said the things/acted the way you are towards you? It’s a process, one that I am still working towards everyday to improve my relationship. I wish you the best of luck.
**Remember, he can’t read your mind. he doesn’t know what is going to upset you, so if you get mad and just blow up at him, he’s going to stand his ground and defend himself. CALMLY talk out your emotions and tell him ways on how he can help you through it**
Post # 11
Thank you for the advice!