Post # 1
Hello bees! Let me go ahead and get the disclaimer out there, I KNOW that gifts are not obligatory and always just optional for the guests.
I’m just SUPER curious if this is normal or weird 🙂
Most guests were in town guests, I didn’t have any showers, and I didn’t list my registries on the invitations but I did have my wedding website URL on the invitation so the guests can RSVP online (also had stamped RSVP cards included in the invitation too). The wedding website does show the registries on there. I read that it was rude to give out registries unless asked for, so if anyone asked where we were registered then we told them where.
Maybe not listing where we are registered on the invitation was the reason why… but we about 30 couples didn’t give us a card/gift. Some of those couples, I went to their weddings and definitely brought them cash or gift cards ranging anywhere from $50+ (maybe I have just been a generous gift giver?).
It’s just shocking that out of 70 couples/families, 30 of them didn’t bring anything. It was $100+ per person and almost everyone brought a plus one. We aren’t mad at anyone and we don’t plan on calling out/guilt tripping anyone to get us a gift. Really just curious if this has been anyone else’s experience?
Thanks in advance!!!! 🙂
Post # 2
helgacakes : I have to wonder why you would post this on a forum if you weren’t mad about it.
Post # 3
Im in my circle and perhaps even area (Toronto, Canada) it is considered very rude to not bring anything and yes people do talk about it.
Not talking about people who have travelled far for wedding but other guests
Post # 4
whnlz : I’m just wondering if anyone else had the same experience, that is all.
Post # 5
Were there any ones that were like conspicuously missing? Any situations like “Uncle Bob and Aunt Bobbie always give $250 to new couples, so it’s weird they didn’t leave a card at all?” That could indicate some went missing. Also check your registry that nothing is on backorder. Perhaps they sent it directly to you, and it’s just in transit. That might explain a few.
If not, weddings are expensive to attend as well as host. There’s a huge groundswell of “presence is present” (particularly among millennials) and that’s helped a lot of people be comfortable showing up empty handed.
Post # 6
Very rude here not give a gift (even if it’s small). Heck Darling Husband still occasionally mentions the ONE couple we didn’t get so much as a card from (He was in their wedding and gave a VERY generous cash gift ).
30 missing cards/gifts is a lot. I’d suspect theft, unless you are certain people didn’t gift.
Post # 7
helgacakes : That would not be normal. You did the right thing not printing your registry on the invites (that’s SUPER tacky), and I would not think that’s the reason for the lack of gifts. I understand non-married people making a flub, but unless there was a financial hardship, having half your guests come empty handed is weird. I do believe they have a year to send something though??
Post # 8
No, I don’t think that’s the norm.
I’m sure it varies greatly based on cultural background and socioeconomic status, but in my admittedly very limited experience, that is not what typically happens in North America.
Post # 9
abwcmo : I do think you’re right about the millennials! Most of them were in their mid 20s. It was on a Saturday night and they all live in town so I just figured they wouldn’t really have any expenses as far as travel and lodging goes.
Most of our older guests gave us generous gifts so maybe it is just a younger generation thing? Thanks for the advice!!
Post # 10
That is very rude and strange. I’ve always heard guest should at least cover their plate. Plus, it’s a wedding!
Post # 11
helgacakes : Were you just married this past weekend? Many of people mail or ship gifts for weeks if not months following a wedding.
Post # 12
helgacakes : I know that gifts are not obligatory, but in my circles everyone brings a gift and it would be highly unusual that that many people didn’t bring one. Even when I was in my younger twenties and friends got married, we all brought generous gifts. Is it possible some cards went missing/were stolen?
Post # 13
helgacakes : I don’t think it is an age thing, or intentional non-gifting. That is too many people to not gift. While a card or two may still come in, 30 is unlikely. I suspect theft.
Post # 14
That’s a lot eek. What do you do if that many were stolen? How do you handle Thank you cards then?
Post # 15
I think it’s very out of the ordinary. I would never go to a wedding without at least a card. We had a couple of people who didn’t bring a gift (but they did travel a long way and I truly don’t care at all as I was just excited to have them there) but 30 seems like a lot. We did have some gifts come up to a month or so after the wedding though.