Is it normal to have a TON of guests without cards/gifts?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

helgacakes :  It’s super rude not to give a gift in most of the cirlces I’ve been in (NY and South). I know that sometimes people think they have 1 year to send a gift. Others think if they travel, that’s gift enough. 

My friend had 200 people at her wedding, only 2 people did not give anything. They travelled from California and have a pretty bad track record w etiquette so it wasn’t completely unexpected. But she was more disappointed they didn’t even bother with a card that said something like “congrats, so glad we were able to travel in for the wedding”. That would have been it.

Post # 47
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

As a millennial, this is the first time I’ve heard of a presence is present idea – even if I were flying in from out of state, I’d at least bring a small $20 gift (if I care about a couple enough to fly, what’s another 20?). I mean, it IS a wedding, not just free food and open bar from a couple who just also happened to get married on the same day. Your guests should have known better, especially the ones that recieved a good gift at their weddings from you. Maybe they will send gifts later but yes, very wierd.

Post # 48
Member
571 posts
Busy bee

abwcmo :  LMAO! OMG another reason to eyeroll millennials!

helgacakes :  yeah, something is suspect…whatever, I’d be mad for sure. at the very least I’d have a what the hell?! LOL

Post # 49
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

I am not married yet but I don’t think this is normal. I would double check to ensure that someone didn’t steal envelopes with the cards and cash gifts. 30 out of 70 is a lot. 

Me and my Fiance always give gifts to a wedding. Even if its a destination. IDK, I just think its weird to show up and not bring anything. 

Post # 50
Member
2074 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

It is pretty rude to come empty-handed without at least a card. However, if your wedding was recently, some people send their gifts after the wedding.

Post # 51
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

FrenchToastnCoffee :  I say that as a proud millennial! Normally I get so pissed off at people who give millennials a hard time for imagined faults….

….but man can we be cheap. I was talking about a wedding some friends had attended. It was a couple, saying they didn’t bring anything justifying by “Well I know they’ve got crazy student loan debt, but so do we!” “Why should they expect US to buy a present – the older people will be generous enough!” 

GUYS, WERE ADULTS. WE NEED TO ACCEPT IT.

Post # 52
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

socalgirl1689 :  she mentioned that she didn’t have a shower/gift-giving event. 

 

This is REALLY unusual. We had 200 people at our wedding and everyone brought a gift. Super rude not to at least give a card. 

Post # 53
Member
576 posts
Busy bee

helgacakes :  that’s really strange. No, that’s not normal. 

 

Post # 54
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We only had 50 people at the wedding and we felt like we were showered with gifts/money. Everyone gave use something. I would at least bring a card if I was in a financial bind. But, a wedding is not a free food and liquor event to me. It is getting to participate in the union of two people in matrimony… I went on the registry of a wedding I could not attend the other day, to see if there was anything left to send. The wedding had 120-150 people and there was a ton of stuff still on the registry as people barely bought anything. She said her groom’s guests would not buy anything as they were all “poor”. I assumed people gave cash or gift cards instead, but I guess I should not have assumed that to be the case. I don’t know if I should hope that there was no theft/other issue, or hope that there was an issue? Either way, I don’t think that there is any recourse you be able to take.

Post # 55
Member
4121 posts
Honey bee

ohhsnap :  ok.  I overlooked that info where she did not have a shower.

Post # 56
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Did you have a money dance? I was thinking about gifts the other day because i did not sign up for a registry…. we already live together but it would be nice to get cards…. or honeymoon help LOL

Post # 57
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t care what people say, not bringing a gift is beyond rude! A wedding is expensive as hell and for them not to bring a gift or a token of appreciation is disgraceful. Unless they were stolen. Did you have a lock on your wishing well?

Post # 58
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I think it’s weird… we had 60 people at our wedding and got a card and a gift from every single one (except my brother who forgot to give it to us and gave it to us a month later when we saw him again lol).

When my best friend got married, she thought that a heap of people hadn’t given her a card, including my mum (cause we’re besties, so when I asked if she liked the card from mum- stupid, funny card that I thought would make her lol- she wasn’t like ‘your mum didn’t get me anything!’), and she realised that it (and obvs the money in it) had been stolen… she basically realised that she had seated her long lost cousins at the table next to the wishing well and a heap of cards went walking. She let everyone who she didn’t get a card from know, as those who had written cheques were able to cancel them…

I don’t know what I would do in your position, but it seems odd to me…

Post # 59
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

Definitely weird. Another millenial here and I’ve never heard “Presence as present” either. I would never show up to any hosted event empty handed.

Post # 60
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Ok, now reading all of these comments has me worried, as well. Now that I’m thinking about it, there were people at the wedding that always give cards for things and we didn’t get cards from. I don’t know how to ask about it without coming across as rude, though?

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