Is it normal to have a TON of guests without cards/gifts?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
2028 posts
Buzzing bee

I think we only had one couple and one family that didn’t give us anything.  We had a few that gave us something for my bridal shower and didn’t give a second gift for the wedding, which I think the concept of a second gift for the wedding is kind of crazy anyway but wanted the tradition of a shower.  Our average gift value per couple was probably around $50 though, not some of the huge numbers I see on here. 

My cousin’s mother insisted she call a few people that she didn’t seem to get a gift from and make sure it wasn’t lost and the first one my cousin called apologized and said she didn’t get anything, she was kind of tight on money and my cousin said it was mortifying and refused to continue. 

Post # 62
Member
12076 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

While there’s never supposed to be an sense of  entitlement or expectation for gifts on the couple’s side, it is certainly traditional to give a wedding present. Emily Post would call it obligatory. Personally, on the guest end,  I can’t imagine attending a wedding if I was not moved enough by the closeness of the relationship to give some sort of gift in line with my budget. That said, while sending ahead of time is ideal, guests do have up to a year. Some people are tapped out financially or have lots of other financial obligations all at one time. 

But in my experience, no this is not normal. 

Post # 63
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

we had a 50 person wedding and only recieved about 5 cards, and 1 gift came later. Ours was different though, ours was out of town (2-3 hour drive for most) and we knew family was tight with money. We didnt care, but did think it was strange. I even thought maybe cards were stolen but no, wasnt the case. 

Post # 64
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I am so shocked by how many couples are telling the same story as you.  I would love to see the demographics of this(but I know there are none) of age, distance traveled, economic situation etc – just to see if this is a growing trend for some or all.

There was only 1 time in my life where I did not purposely send a gift – and it was to someone I honestly could not figure out who it was and I come from a SUPER small family!!!  I also obviously did not attend the wedding either. 

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