(Closed) Is it normal to have doubts?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

depends on what kind of doubts you are having. what are the things you are second guessing if you dont mind me asking?

Post # 5
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Right after we got engaged, I went through this weird phase where suddenly I just wasn’t excited about getting married (even though I was REALLY excited the weeks leading up to the proposal because I knew it was coming). I’m not sure what happened, I just felt slightly panicky, a little sad (I know, crazy) and distant. Once we were a few months into planning, that all went away. I often have problems with change, and even though we lived together beforehand, and nothing was really changing, I think I just felt overwhelmed. It’s a lot to take in, and I think I felt this way because I’m actually the second-youngest person in my family, and NONE of my other cousins are married (they’re all over 30), so the experience was really new and I kind of felt like I was in this new family category all by myself of “married women” and that maybe I wouldn’t relate to my younger sister and cousins anymore or something, even though we are all so close.

That was all silly on my part, and like I said, it totally came out of nowhere because deep down, I wanted to get married and spend the rest of my life with my husband. Our wedding and marriage was just such a big deal in my family that I didn’t know how to handle it at first.

I think everyone goes through a phase at some point where pressure and cold feet kick in. As long as you still want to get married and stay married to your Fiance, I don’t see anything wrong with your feelings 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Do you feel like you can truly accept him for who is now, or do you have any expectations of him changing once you’re married?

Post # 7
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

it sounds to me like it’s just prewedding jitters 🙂  Without getting deep into it, of course. I think it’s normal to have a lot of new feelings before the wedding. I had a moment of “OMG, this is forever” before, but once you get over the shock, it’s more of a happy realization. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Its totally normal to go through a doubting phase! A couple of months ago (after we had been engaged about 3 months) my Fiance went away for a few days. When he came back I thought that I would be really excited to see him..instead I was freaking out!!! It had never happened before and weve been together for 4 years. THen I realized that I was having a moment of cold feet. I was very distant towards him and he noticed something was up. He asked me what was wrong and I was honest with him. We talked about my feelings and he was totally understanding. Now, 2 months later and Im ready for our wedding day to be here so I can marry the love of my life!

Post # 10
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m technically already married and i’m having doubts about things with the wedding, lol. so i think its totally wedding related….

Post # 11
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Opposites attract, its good to be different, thats where you can learn from each other differences and compromise.  Me and Fiance has learned over the years to accept each other’s differences and not try to change the other person and just love the other person for who they are.  The way you are feeling is normal, there’s alot going on planning a wedding and planning for the future.  Our wedding planning has brought us so much closer together and we wonder everyday how some people can get married then divorced after putting so much effort and love into it, so strange

Post # 12
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think this is totally normal.  I also went through a period after we got engaged of thinking the proposal was actually anti-climactic.  Like, ok, we are engaged, now what?  Sometimes, I still feel like I should be more excited.  I mean I am so into wedding planning that I have taken almost a clinical approach to it, rather than be all gushy about it all.  I also still don’t really think I have had the “oh my gosh, I am a bride” moment.  I have a feeling that wont hit until the rehersal dinner or when I walk down the aisle, at which point, I will become a blubbering mess.

These feelings are totally normal.  I think this is why its harder for guys to propose.  By the time they have made that decision, they have already gone through these feelings.  As much as we are women of the 21st century, we still don’t have much control over when they propose and after we are engaged, then its our turn to go through these feelings.  They have already gone through them and reconciled their thoughts with them because they made the commitment of buying the ring/ proposing.

 

Post # 13
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so glad this post is here. I was afraid I was the only one with doubts! I am totally feeling the way misschaptstick says she felt… It is so hard to feel these things in the midst of all of the wedding propaganda–created by florists and wedding planners and romantics and “American way, American family” people. There are all these messages that seem to tell me how I should be feeling. (Although, as a sidenote, I LOVE flowers, and I love receiving flowers as romantic gestures, and I love pretty weddings…) Anyway, everyone gushes, says they love my ring, asks if we’ve set a date, asks if my mom is excited… There’s no space for me to express real feelings, and it wouldn’t really be acceptable for me to say, “No, actually, my mother is a little distant right now. I’m not sure she likes my fiance, or that she would think any man I marry is good enough. And this makes me feel a little panicky because I’ve always trusted my mother’s judgment. So right now I’m feeling a little isolated and a bit commitment-phobic. But, um, thanks for the congrats! I might invite you to the wedding, but actually probably not, since we’re really just ‘work-friends,’ and I don’t know you that well.”

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