Etiquette Snob here… lol
The short answer to your Question…
YES, a gift should have come to you from the Groomsman / Groomsmen. In the very least a card, in so much as Gifts are truly meant to be “optional” overall.
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As per “Traditional Etiquette” there are specific responsibilities for the Best Man, Groomsmen, and Ushers.
Infact normally the Groomsmen would also pool their resources and give the Groom a gift as well (although, if the expenses for the Wedding have been high… ie they had a long way to travel to get to the Destination, then the Gift to the Grooom, could be deemed in kind)
Here is a run down of the “traditonal elements” (as well as the Couple’s Responsibilities on the other side):
NOTE – Traditional Etiquette is not necessarily modern etiquette… but it tends to be a tad “nicer”. If you are looking for a classier affair this is the route to go. Also be aware, that Etiquette is a CHOICE… one can always make another choice, knowing however to do so there may be risks involved (ie offending someone). So risks should always be weighed against your Guest List… ONLY YOU know your Guests best.
THE BRIDE & GROOM – RESPONSIBILITIES & EXPENSES (to the Bridal Party – The Men)
* Thank You Gifts for the Attendants **
* Accommodations for the Bridal Party (often 2 Nights if there is a Rehearsal Dinner / Party)
* Transportation of the Bridal Party from Accommodations to Ceremony Site – Ceremony Site to Reception – and Reception to Accommodations
* Matching / Specialty Ties, Socks and Gloves if worn by the men in the Bridal Party.
* Cost of the Bachelor Dinner (different from a Bachelor Party… similar to the Bride’s Luncheon)
* Extending to any member of the Bridal Party over the age of 18 the courtesy of bringing a Guest to the Wedding (and that Guest can be anyone of their choosing… Hubby, Fiancée, Long Term Girlfriend, random Date… or even their Mother IF that is who they wish to spend the Weekend with… it is THEIR CHOICE… and not yours to judge. This is one of the perks of being in the Bridal Party and giving of their time to your Wedding)
* Making sure that the Groomsmen and their “dates” (see above) are included at the Rehearsal Dinner … or whatever form of Meet & Greet is planned before the Wedding
THE BRIDAL PARTY – RESPONSIBILITIES & EXPENSES (BP Men)
* Purchase or Rental of Wedding Attire ***
* Arranges and pays for own Transportation to the Wedding Destination
* Contribution to a Gift for the Groom (often a pooled gift with other Men in the Bridal Party)
* Individual Gift to the Couple
* Attendance / Contribution towards the Bachelor Dinner or Party (if one is given)
* Responsible for their Fittings
* Arrive to Appointments Promptly
* Makes sure that other the other men in the Bridal Party are on time for Appointments (knows the schedule)
* Arrive to Dressing Site on Wedding Day Promptly
* Participate in Professional Photo Shots
* Dance with Bridesmaids & Single Guests (optional / courteous)
* Help out with Elderly Guests if needed
BEST MAN – ADDITIONAL RESPONSIBILITIES & EXPENSES
* Acts as a Witness to the Marriage Ceremony (if required)
* Makes sure that the Groom is properly dressed and groomed on the Wedding Day. Also responsible for getting the Groom to the Wedding Location on time.
* Responsible for the Wedding Ring(s). If there is a Ring Bearer then it is the Best Man who ensures that the Ring(s) are attached securely to the Pillow.
* Helps the Bride & Groom into their “getaway car” at the Ceremony. May also be required to drive said car if there is no Chauffeur / Driver.
* Usually is the one charged with holding the envelopes to pay for the Officiant.
* Makes the first Toast at the Wedding Reception to the Newlyweds. Also the person to read aloud any Telegrams, Emails and such from those unable to attend but have sent their Best Wishes. On occasion if needed, will act as the emcee.
* First man to dance with the Bride after the Groom, her Father, and Father-in-law
* May assist the Groom in changing his clothes from his Wedding Attire to Going Away Clothing. The Best Man typically ensures that any rentals by the Groom are returned.
* Helps with getting the Groom organized for his Honeymoon. May help him pack, that he has the Airline Tickets, Wallet, Credit Cards, and anything he needs as he departs the Reception. Generally assists in any way that he can in regards to the couple leaving for their Honeymoon from the reception (ie ensures that their car is packed, and hidden from practical jokers)… or gives them a lift to the airport etc.
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** Thank You Gifts to the Groomsmen should not be something that has chosen for them as part of the Wedding itself… ie Tie, Socks, Gloves.
A Thank You Gift should be chosen for each individual member of the Bridal Party… as part of the friendship bond you share. It should never be matchy-matchy… it should be chosen with much more care.
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As I say this is the Traditonal List… and therefore the “nicer” one in regards to the Etiquette… but there is no denying it is also usually more expensive than the modern interpretation (ie providing accommodations for the Bridal Party)
I do find tho, that between adding on the niceities, and laying out such things upfront to a Bridal Party, who is responsible for waht, means there are less misunderstandings, resentment, arguments, and drama.
Hope this helps,