Post # 1
Bees, please tell me if I’m wrong or made a faux pas.
My boyfriend, now fiance proposed Friday night! It was a very sweet and private moment and we waited until yesterday to tell everyone.
We went out last night with a bunch of our friends as a little impromptu engagement party. We went to a pizza place where we had pitchers of beer, appetizers and of course a ton of pizza. I have been counting calories on My Fitness Pal since last year and I lost 15 lb but I hit a plateau so the last 2 weeks I have become more diligent in what I’ve been eating.
I’ve never been a big drinker so I was drinking water with lemon instead of beer. I ordered a side salad so I wouldn’t fill up on pizza. The Fiance of one of our friends asked why I got a salad and I told her I was watching my weight by counting calories. I thought her reaction was a bit dramatic because she said “well thanks for making me feel bad about what I’m eating”. I got defensive and said I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad or self conscious, that I really don’t pay attention to what other people eat.
It became a bit of a joke that night with people teasing me about wanting to look good for the wedding, while my good friends fortunately had my back and told me to ignore the idiots.
Today we met Fi’s family for brunch and it was more questions…why am I barely eating, why didn’t I have a mimosas. Is it just misery loves company? What should I have said instead? Is it “wrong” to say I’m watching my weight?
I know I need to get thicker skin but I’m also trying to avoid judgment too. I’m afraid I’ve set myself up to where if I do take a piece of dessert I’ll get stares and heckled.
Anyone else experience this?
Post # 2
Some people just need to feel justification that the way they’re eating isn’t a big deal. They definitely are over reacting. But hey at least now you can use the excuse that you want to look great in your wedding dress! Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 3
It was rude of her to question what you were eating in the first place. I absolutly hate it when people comment on my food! And your comment was in no way offensive. If she chose to took offense to it or feel bad about what she was eating that is entirely on her.
And these people sound like really shitty friends. I’ve been dieting as well and tracking all my calories in MyFitnessPal. I know that it’s something I’m really self conscious about and I would have been really hurt/livid if my “friends” were making a joke out of it.
But it’s not wrong at all to say you are counting calories or watching your weight. Though I usually just say that I’m not especially hungry (not because the other options are rude but because I hate talking about my diet with people).
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
You didn’t say anything wrong. There was no reason for her to respond the way she did. Eat what you want, skip what you don’t and to hell with what people think that should be minding their business.
Post # 5
Absolutely not! I do this frequently, where I’m with friends/family and I’ll eat a bite of pasta or whatever, but then I’ll have my grilled chicken or whatever mindful item I ordered (or brought). I’m down ~50 pounds with LoseIt! And I don’t want to gain it back, especially when I’m trying to get my relationship with food back on track. I usually just respond with “I’m not looking for the weight I already lost.” Usually shuts them up.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
It’s because they would like to eat better but don’t have the willpower or motivation, so to make themselves feel better, they make you feel worse.
Post # 7
No. It is absolutely not rude, especially since she asked. How strange.
Post # 8
I’d just say something like “I’m in the mood for salad tonight” or “I’m not a huge mimosa fan” or something generic. While you were not wrong at all, people do see comments like that as judgement (I know you weren’t). It’s their issue not yours, but to protect yourself, side step. If someone directly asks, then sure mention your weight loss goals.
Post # 9
- Wedding: A restaurant on the beach
The only people who are going to judge you are people who hate their own weight. Those of us who are dedicated to a healthy lifestyle, counting calories, or losing weight and those who are already confident with their shape won’t judge you. If you’re asked tell people the truth and screw the haters!
Post # 10
You’re completely not in the wrong. Your friend shouldn’t have asked about your salad in the first place—besides the fact that it was rude of her, it’s generally a good idea to avoid asking a question if you don’t want to hear the answer.
Post # 11
She asked a question, you answered honestly. Her reaction obviously speaks to her own insecurities, and has nothing to do with you.
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion
redmango : No, it’s not offensive. People are only criticizing you because they feel insecure about their own eating.
Post # 13
It’s bizarre that someone would comment on what you were eating.
Post # 14
I eat really healthy and get crap from people all the time. It is what I choose for myself, I don’t comment on what anyone else chooses. People who have no willpower and are unhappy with how they look sometimes make it about them. I often will make excuses for not eating carbs and drinking (food alergies, not feeling well today even though it isn’t actually true), just so people don’t give me shit. It’s ridiculous! Keep up the good work Bee!
Post # 15
Nah you’re good! If they’re not joking then they’re just insecure or something.
I find it a lot easier not to mention calories or weight though, and just say “I feel like something fresh/light” or “I’m not that hungry, I had a big lunch” etc instead. It’s true and good also because my endgame is always to naturally eat in a way where I maintain my goal weight without counting, so I like that this response reinforces the idea of not overeating just to be social.