Post # 1
Hello, I am not engaged, I have been with my bf for over 2 years and we live together in a house he owns. I don’t want to get married for at least 3 years, i want time to plan and i just want to be engaged. I feel like its a whole step just to be engaged from boyfriend/girlfriend. He knows i dont want to be married for a while, i am still young, I don’t mind waiting. But it is okay that I really do want to be engaged sooner, like now? Am I being weird or is this a normal thing to want a ring and engagement now?
Post # 3
@Jen4414: If it’s how you feel, then it is normal.
I went through the same sort of thing. Fiance and I dated 6 1/2 years before getting engaged.
After 2 years I knew I wanted to be with him forever and that I wanted to marry him, but I felt too young to get married.
That didn’t keep me from wanting to be engaged and have a ring. But at the same time, I only wanted my engagement to be a year long.
I fought with those feelings for a while. Feeling I was too young to be married, but wanted to be engaged, while still wanting only a year long engagement.
Fiance and I lived together 3 years prior to getting engaged and I feel we really grew together and became an even strong couple during that time.
Post # 4
A lot of people have long engagements, but that’s usually because they’re still in school, saving money, ect. It’s a bit unusual to have a long engagement because you’re not ready for marriage yet. While I personally don’t see the point in becoming engaged if you want to wait that long to actually get married, you have to do what’s right for you. I would, however, ask myself what about an engagement you want so badly if you’re not ready to be married. Would you be satisfied with a promise ring?
How does your BF feel about this? Is HE ready to be engaged? That’s what you really need to ask yourself.
Post # 5
I was engaged previously with no want to get married (at least any time soon). It wasn’t my decision to get engaged, he proposed and I loved him so I said yes. For me it was a terrible experience. Everyone asked me constantly when we were getting married and why we were engaged if we wanted to wait 4 years. Honestly it was really stressful for me. People didn’t take us seriously, no one called him my fiance, and my mom said it should have been a promise ring.
Post # 6
I understand where you’re coming from. Before I was engaged, I used to tell J and his parents that I plan to have a long engagement so I have time to plan and save up money. I did not want to get engaged then start planning for a wedding in 6 months (seems to be a trend in my family). I totally didn’t expect him to propose on Christmas Eve. So, our wedding will in Oct. 2012. It’s nice to be able to start thinking of ideas and putting things together slowly instead of stressing out and rushing.
Post # 7
Adding to my answer a bit, I agree with lezlers and pinkmagnolia that if the only reason for a long engagement is that you are not ready to be married yet, then a long engagement may not be the right thing.
It was really important to me to have approx a 1 year engagement so that wedding planning started right away and we truly were ready to be married the day he put a ring on my finger.
As much as I wanted a ring and engagement earlier, I’m glad we waiting until we were both ready to actually BE married. (Took him a little longer than me, I was probably ready 1 1/2 years before he proposed, but that’s ok).
Post # 8
Hey thanks, I totally want to be married to him, and the reason I want a long engagement is so I can have more time to plan and save up. I would marry him tomorrow if i could but I want to be more successful in my own life and career and save up before we actually get married. Sorry maybe I didn’t explain it correctly.
Thanks for your advice everyone, make me feel a little better!
Post # 9
Do you have any reasons why you want a 3 year engagement?
Post # 10
ah, I see. Well that changes things a bit. I say go for it!
Post # 11
First of all, A lot of our friends are getting married now and I don’t want it to be close to them. Second, I am still a little lost as to what my career is going to turn out to be, but thats a whole other story for another time… Third I know I want a big wedding and want time to plan and most of all save up for the wedding I want. I am not rushing the wedding because I know he is who I want to be with and dont NEED a wedding now to feel secure in my relationship (like some people I know, not on here)… But to be “‘engaged” and have that next step in our relationship would be nice…. I don’t NEED anything and I’m not going to be mad if he doesn’t, but I do think about it and I would like it…
Post # 12
Long engagements are prefectly acceptable so don’t let anyone deter you from it if that is what you want.