(Closed) is it ok?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Jen4414: If it’s how you feel, then it is normal.

I went through the same sort of thing. Fiance and I dated 6 1/2 years before getting engaged.

After 2 years I knew I wanted to be with him forever and that I wanted to marry him, but I felt too young to get married.

That didn’t keep me from wanting to be engaged and have a ring. But at the same time, I only wanted my engagement to be a year long.

I fought with those feelings for a while. Feeling I was too young to be married, but wanted to be engaged, while still wanting only a year long engagement.

Fiance and I lived together 3 years prior to getting engaged and I feel we really grew together and became an even strong couple during that time.

Post # 4
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

A lot of people have long engagements, but that’s usually because they’re still in school, saving money, ect.  It’s a bit unusual to have a long engagement because you’re not ready for marriage yet.  While I personally don’t see the point in becoming engaged if you want to wait that long to actually get married, you have to do what’s right for you.  I would, however, ask myself what about an engagement you want so badly if you’re not ready to be married.  Would you be satisfied with a promise ring?

How does your Boyfriend or Best Friend feel about this?  Is HE ready to be engaged?  That’s what you really need to ask yourself.

Post # 5
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was engaged previously with no want to get married (at least any time soon). It wasn’t my decision to get engaged, he proposed and I loved him so I said yes. For me it was a terrible experience. Everyone asked me constantly when we were getting married and why we were engaged if we wanted to wait 4 years. Honestly it was really stressful for me. People didn’t take us seriously, no one called him my fiance, and my mom said it should have been a promise ring.

 

Post # 6
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I understand where you’re coming from.  Before I was engaged, I used to tell J and his parents that I plan to have a long engagement so I have time to plan and save up money.  I did not want to get engaged then start planning for a wedding in 6 months (seems to be a trend in my family).  I totally didn’t expect him to propose on Christmas Eve.  So, our wedding will in Oct. 2012.  It’s nice to be able to start thinking of ideas and putting things together slowly instead of stressing out and rushing.

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Adding to my answer a bit, I agree with lezlers and pinkmagnolia that if the only reason for a long engagement is that you are not ready to be married yet, then a long engagement may not be the right thing.

It was really important to me to have approx a 1 year engagement so that wedding planning started right away and we truly were ready to be married the day he put a ring on my finger.

As much as I wanted a ring and engagement earlier, I’m glad we waiting until we were both ready to actually BE married. (Took him a  little longer than me, I was probably ready 1 1/2 years before he proposed, but that’s ok).

 

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Do you have any reasons why you want a 3 year engagement?

Post # 10
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Jen4414:  ah, I see.  Well that changes things a bit.  I say go for it!

Post # 12
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Long engagements are prefectly acceptable so don’t let anyone deter you from it if that is what you want.

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