Post # 1
If you watch Dr. Phil, and I do, you’ll often hear him chastising men for trying to get their SOs to lose weight. They are complete jerks about it, but Dr. Phil acts like this topic is off limits no matter how they approach it.
I think you should be able to talk to your spouse about this. If your spouse is unhealthy, and unattractive to you, you should be able to talk to them. If your spouse is becoming unattractive to you, you should be able so say something so they’ll go in the other direction. It would be nice if our spouses loved us at any size or shape, but they can’t help but prefer a certain size. Lack of physical attraction will affect intimacy, and intimacy is a big part of a successful relationship.
Do you think it’s ok for a spouse to bring up concerns over your weight?
Post # 3
I think as long as it’s brought up in a caring manner, it’s okay. Preferably worded as a health concern rather than making it about attractiveness.
Post # 4
if your SO can’t be honest with you about stuff like this, who can?
Post # 5
Nope, I don’t feel it is ever okay.
Everyones bodies change as they get older, I would hope my Darling Husband still loves me no matter what, and I’m sure he will he’s not the shallow type. I know I’ll love him no matter what.
Post # 6
I agree that we’ll all lose our looks eventually (although I don’t plan to, ahem, botox), but I’d hate for my SO to lose his looks prematurely because of unhealthy lifestyle choices. Attraction is important, and it seems selfish to me to choose to maintain an unhealthy lifestyle even though it makes you less attractive to your SO. I mean, over eating and eating junk shouldn’t be more important than how your SO feels about your looks.
Post # 7
If I was to bring up my weight and talk to Darling Husband about it, then sure. If he freely commented on it, and gave his opinion without my asking – I would NOT like that.
Post # 8
I honestly wish that my Fiance had told me that I was starting to gain weight before I had gained nearly 40+ pounds! I don’t spend much time looking in the mirror other than when I get in the shower and I’m passing by, so I didn’t realize that I was packing it on. When I asked her if she had noticed she said “well, yes, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” While this is sweet, I would have much perfered her to open the conversation with me. Me realizing it on my own, 40 pounds later, was like getting hit by a Mack truck!!
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I definitely would never leave my Fiance because his weight changed and I found him unattractive, but I do think it’s important to be open and be able to respectfully discuss weight/appearance/health concerns. I don’t think any topic should ever be totally off-limits, but every discussion should be respectful.
ETA: Even though it’s a hard topic, I’d rather my Fiance be honest with me about his feelings and concerns about my weight.
Post # 10
@lovelyMsValentine: That’s a very good point. It’s important to address it early on, before it becomes a health issue. That’s why I think it’s ok to bring up the topic, even if the person’s health isn’t even at risk yet. If you’re on the path of gaining, you’ll probably stay on that path unless you change direction.
Post # 11
@myaltarego: Yep I told my Fiance that unless he made a serious change in his eating habits and exercise habits I couldn’t go through with the wedding. People can think I’m a bitch I dont care. I know my Fi is at risk for a heart attack already and unless he had some serious motivation he wouldn’t change anything. He knows how much I love and adore him at any weight. It’s the health aspect for me.
Post # 12
Goodness, never for looks. It’s just not okay. My best friend’s boyfriend has apparently made the comment to her that she’s the fattest person he’s dated, and I wanted to rip him apart. I think it’s so vain and offensive.
Now, for health reasons? It’s okay. I love my SO at any size (though sure, he’d be looking mighty good 30 pounds heavier), but the only time I make a comment regarding weight is when it’s tied to health. I want him to be around a long time, so that means I want him to eat well and exercise in order to stay healthy – not to fit into some ideal body.
Post # 13
I think if you openly tell SO you want to lose/gain weight then it os okay for them to talk about. It is never okay to talk about it in a negative/derogatory way but rather an encouraging way. If you bring it up that it bothers you then I think it is fair for your SO to offer solutions. However, if you never mention your weight and are happy with your body then I think your SO should be too. Unless your weight is causing a serious life-threatening health problem, I don’t think it is appropriate.
Post # 14
I said yes but not for vanity.
If your body has always been a certain way, or your body is changing due to getting older and not due to excessive consumption of bad food and alcohol then your SO doesn’t have a right to
Post # 15
Darling Husband actually brought this up a few nights ago with me. He is a super health food junkie and loves to work out and I really don’t. I don’t eat very healthy but I also don’t eat un-healthy by any means. He just mentioned that he was concerned about me not getting enough of the vitamins and stuff that your body needs since I’ve started to lose a little weight (I flucuate). I appreciate that he is worried and wants me to be healthy, just like I want him to be healthy, but I also get annoyed because I know my body and myself better than he does and he can easily slip into “preachy” mode without realizing it.
Post # 16
@dannielle89: That’s a good point. I don’t think an SO should say anything if it’s out of your control. That would just be cruel.