(Closed) Is it ok for an SO to discuss your weight?

posted 5 years ago in Wellness
  • poll: Do you think it's ok for a spouse to bring up concerns over your weight?
    No, never! Your OH should love you no matter how you look. : (10 votes)
    8 %
    .No, because we all lose our looks eventually so that shouldn't be a big deal. : (5 votes)
    4 %
    No, for some other reason. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Yes, but only if your weight or lifestyle is unhealthy, and not for vanity : (80 votes)
    63 %
    Yes, but only if you'll still be healthy after reaching the size they'd like. : (15 votes)
    12 %
    Yes, but only if you were that size when you got together. : (3 votes)
    2 %
    Yes, for some other reason. : (12 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4869 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I think as long as it’s brought up in a caring manner, it’s okay. Preferably worded as a health concern rather than making it about attractiveness. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    if your SO can’t be honest with you about stuff like this, who can?

    Post # 5
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Nope, I don’t feel it is ever okay.

    Everyones bodies change as they get older, I would hope my Darling Husband still loves me no matter what, and I’m sure he will he’s not the shallow type. I know I’ll love him no matter what.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If I was to bring up my weight and talk to Darling Husband about it, then sure. If he freely commented on it, and gave his opinion without my asking – I would NOT like that. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I honestly wish that my Fiance had told me that I was starting to gain weight before I had gained nearly 40+ pounds! I don’t spend much time looking in the mirror other than when I get in the shower and I’m passing by, so I didn’t realize that I was packing it on. When I asked her if she had noticed she said “well, yes, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” While this is sweet, I would have much perfered her to open the conversation with me. Me realizing it on my own, 40 pounds later, was like getting hit by a Mack truck!! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    @mepayne:  

     

    @strawbs: +1!

     

    I definitely would never leave my Fiance because his weight changed and I found him unattractive, but I do think it’s important to be open and be able to respectfully discuss weight/appearance/health concerns. I don’t think any topic should ever be totally off-limits, but every discussion should be respectful.

    ETA: Even though it’s a hard topic, I’d rather my Fiance be honest with me about his feelings and concerns about my weight.

    Post # 11
    Member
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @myaltarego:  Yep I told my Fiance that unless he made  a serious change in his eating habits and exercise habits I couldn’t go through with the wedding. People can think I’m a bitch I dont care. I know my Fi is at risk for a heart attack already and unless he had some serious motivation he wouldn’t change anything. He knows how much I love and adore him at any weight. It’s the health aspect for me.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Goodness, never for looks. It’s just not okay. My best friend’s boyfriend has apparently made the comment to her that she’s the fattest person he’s dated, and I wanted to rip him apart. I think it’s so vain and offensive.

    Now, for health reasons? It’s okay. I love my SO at any size (though sure, he’d be looking mighty good 30 pounds heavier), but the only time I make a comment regarding weight is when it’s tied to health. I want him to be around a long time, so that means I want him to eat well and exercise in order to stay healthy – not to fit into some ideal body.

    Post # 13
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think if you openly tell SO you want to lose/gain weight then it os okay for them to talk about. It is never okay to talk about it in a negative/derogatory way but rather an encouraging way. If you bring it up that it bothers you then I think it is fair for your SO to offer solutions. However, if you never mention your weight and are happy with your body then I think your SO should be too. Unless your weight is causing a serious life-threatening health problem, I don’t think it is appropriate. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1081 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I said yes but not for vanity.

    If your body has always been a certain way, or your body is changing due to getting older and not due to excessive consumption of bad food and alcohol then your SO doesn’t have a right to

    Post # 15
    Member
    1581 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Darling Husband actually brought this up a few nights ago with me.  He is a super health food junkie and loves to work out and I really don’t.  I don’t eat very healthy but I also don’t eat un-healthy by any means. He just mentioned that he was concerned about me not getting enough of the vitamins and stuff that your body needs since I’ve started to lose a little weight (I flucuate).  I appreciate that he is worried and wants me to be healthy, just like I want him to be healthy, but I also get annoyed because I know my body and myself better than he does and he can easily slip into “preachy” mode without realizing it.

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