(Closed) Is it ok for an SO to discuss your weight?

posted 7 years ago in Wellness
  • poll: Do you think it's ok for a spouse to bring up concerns over your weight?

    No, never! Your OH should love you no matter how you look.

    .No, because we all lose our looks eventually so that shouldn't be a big deal.

    No, for some other reason.

    Yes, but only if your weight or lifestyle is unhealthy, and not for vanity

    Yes, but only if you'll still be healthy after reaching the size they'd like.

    Yes, but only if you were that size when you got together.

    Yes, for some other reason.

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @myaltarego:  No, I don’t think it’s okay. If you have gained weight, you know. You don’t need Mr. Helpful Captain Obvious to point it out to you. If the change doesn’t come from within and you actually want to lose the weight, then it won’t happen at all (or won’t stay off). No one can force you and I don’t think pointing out the obvious is very helpful (“It’s raining out,” is an equally helpful comment).

    I am not attracted to my Fiance because of his body. Initially, sure, that was a huge part of it. But I love him, not just how he looks. And it’s a good thing because as we age, our bodies change. Beauty fades, so that’s why I am not too fussed about telling him something he already knows. There’s nothing wrong with suggesting healthy meal choices for the two of you, or activities that keep you fit, but no, I don’t think weight should be a discussion.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    In order to maintain a healthy relationship, couples should communicate any and all concerns about themselves or their partner – and that includes weight. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    3828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @OtterHalf:  LOL twizzlers are the shit. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    394 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think it really depends on the person/relationship. I have a history with eating disorders and have been hospitalized in the past for anorexia. I am fully recovered now and have been weight restored & healthy for almost 4 years. I’m at a healthy weight now and am not overweight by any means, but my fiance knows he can’t make weight jokes to me even though we tease each other about pretty much everything else – it would be extremely triggering. Even if I did ever end up gaining weight and getting unhealthy, I don’t think I would be able to handle him mentioning anything without wanting to relapse into old harmful behaviors. 

    As for my fiance, I don’t really care too much about how he looks. I find him extremely attractive now, and don’t think that would change if he gained weight. As for from a health perspective, I don’t think I’d ever be able to bring it up unless he did have serious health issues. I’m just too sensitive about weight issues myself to ever mention them to others. 

    To each their own really, though. As long as you’re being respectful. Every relationship is different!

    Post # 36
    Member
    746 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @BoxerLady:  this.  

    If I’ve gained weight, believe me, no one needs to tell me about it.  I already know and am hating it.  All I need DH to do is smile, give me a big hug and tell me I have the confidence to do what I know I need to do.  And this is what he does, because he is awesome.  🙂  

    I’ve suffered and since recovered from some pretty bad disordered eating in the past, so yeah, talking about weight=off the table.  DH knows this, and would never bring it up.  In fact, during all the times I’ve been painfully thin and/or throwing up five times a day, he’s been supportive and always told me I’m beautiful.

    Since we got married 9 years ago he gained like 20 pounds, which he is in the process of losing.  He’s down maybe 12 pounds and has told me it’s okay to gently remind him not to eat processed stuff, eat healthier, etc.  I’m the chef in the family and I basically only make very healthy dishes, so it’s been working out for both of us.  

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    2755 posts
    Sugar bee

    We discuss our weight together. We are both very attracted to one another as is, but both of us are VERY overweight and would like to lose weight and be healthier both for ourselves and each other. I can see where his mistakes are in not losing, and I’m sure once we live together he’ll be able to clearly see mine. We discuss how much we want one another to be fitter (especially because it’ll improve our sex lives, which are somewhat limited right now) – but it’s always in a positive, encouraging manner. I’d never tell him, “You’re fat, lose weight or I won’t be attracted to you.” And when I have down days and know I look terrible, he still tells me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think telling your spouse you are not attracted to them is completely rude.

    That being said I do think there is a healthy compromise and I’ve discussed this with my husband many times. 

    I’ve gained 40 pounds in the last year and with that I told him “If you ever think I need to lose weight please just tell me. Don’t say “Hey you’re getting fat hit the gym” but tell me something like “Hey, why don’t we start working out together and get healthy”. In my case I felt like it was important because not everyone knows how to gently approach a topic such as weight. Like the table at my wedding who all had a bet if I was pregnant or not. Yeah not such a great idea.

    One thing I love about my husband, of the many things, is when one thing goes with my appearance he focuses on the parts he does like. When we met I was pretty skinny and he was a boob man, but I had no boobs. So he focused on my butt which I did have. Once I gained weight, he’s all about the boobies now. 

    With the weight gain, through breakouts and horrible hair, our sexual life has never been effected. He loves me for who I am and is attracted to the person I am and not what’s on the outside. My appearance is just a bonus for him, and the same goes for me. His appearance, although unchanging since meeting, is just a bonus for me.

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