(Closed) Is it ok for the first time people see the ring to be a sad occasion?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

As long as you are discreet and respectful about it, there is nothing wrong with wearing your engagement ring, if you have it by then, to the memorial service. Talk about it beforehand with your Fiance so that you two are in agreement about how to handle it, and I certainly wouldn’t go making an announcement or anything, but it might be a nice thing for the family to have something happy to brighten a sad time, and to serve as a reminder that life goes on in spite of sorrow.

Post # 4
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t worry about it until the ring is actually in your finger. I would think it might be likely that he will wait until after the memorial to propose? Maybe he wants your parents there because he wants to ask their permissIon?

Either way, I just wouldn’t worry about it until it needs to be worried about.

Post # 5
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would say: don’t tell anyone/show off the ring if you do happen to be wearing it, and let your Fiance handle his relationship with his father. 

Post # 7
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If he proposes before the memorial (unlikely, I think), talk to him about whether he would like to tell people at the memorial or hold off for a bit. If he’d prefer to hold off, leave your ring in the safe until you’re ready to make the announcement. If he wants to tell his family right away, wear the ring.

 

Post # 9
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should wear the ring, just don’t show it around. You “might” have reason to celebrate  – and reason to mourn. It is a lot like life as a married couple – the good and bad – united and supported (for better and worse).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We went to a memorial service the week after we got engaged.  Most of FI’s close family already knew because they had thrown us an engagement party like, a week after (his mom can’t keep a secret, lol), but the extended cousins and stuff didn’t know.  My ring was too big when I got it, so I was able to wear it on my middle finger, and to be discrete until we had “officiall” announced our engagment, I turned the diamond towards my hand (but my ring is probably smaller than yours!)

 

If he proposes before the memorial, you could also wear the ring on a chain around your neck, so you can still show people if they find out and/or ask.  An 8-12k ring would probably be pretty easy to notice if you wear it on your hand.

 

Post # 12
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@DreamingofDiamonds:  I had a similar situation. My Fiance proposed on a Sunday and I was headed to a memorial service (in a different city, without him) that Tuesday. The memorial service was for my next door neighbor growing up who was like a grandmother to me, so I knew all of her family and a lot of her friends that were there (mostly neighbors, because all of her friends her age passed away before her, she was 95) but hadn’t seen them some of them in years because I no longer live in that state. I mostly hid my ring under the sweater I was holding, since none of them knew I was engaged. Then my dad started showing it off to people (luckily after the service ended and while we were walking over to the small reception). Inappropriate, definitely. But at least it was a memorial service that was happily remembering a wonderful long life, and not a super sad occasion. I, and most other people there, didn’t wear black because I knew she wouldn’t have liked it, she wore bright purple to her husband’s memorial service a few years before. Luckily my dad didn’t say anything to her immediate family, we told them later when we were over at the house.

I would go by whatever he thinks is best regarding wearing the ring, if you have it by then. And if you do wear it, just don’t say anything about it. And if people notice, accept their congratulations 🙂 Unfortunately it sounds like yours will be a much sadder memorial service, as the person was much younger.

But, maybe he’s planning on asking your parents for permission and proposing later, so the ring at the memorial won’t be an issue.

Post # 13
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@DreamingofDiamonds:  I think as long as you’re discrete, about it it should be OK.  I’m curious how it looks, though. Do you have any photos?  In terms of you future Father-In-Law, I would let Fiance deal with him.  

Post # 15
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My grandmother passed away two days after we got engaged and I’m rather sad I never got to tell her, because she would have been so excited. We didn’t do an announcement or have a party or any of that because it felt…inappropriate at the time. I wore the ring, people saw it, it spread by word of mouth and people came up to congratulate us but we didn’t do anything specifically to celebrate. I think my mother feels a bit badly that we never celebrated the engagement “properly” but oh well. That’s life! We’ll have an extra swingin’ party in June to make up for it 😀 Grandma would approve, I hope. She loved parties!

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I went to a funeral shortly after being engaged.  It was the first time a lot of people saw me.  A lot of people seemed very happy for us, and gave hugs and smiles.  It seemed like a little relief for such a sad day.  that being said, I wasn’t flaunting it or bringing it up.  

 

Its a part of life, just like death.  

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