Post # 1
I have a very close friend who is going to be a brides maid in my wedding…I love her to death and she has always been there for me when I needed to talk…only issue is she has this boyfriend that I do not like at all..not even a little bit..i have tried being nice to him and giving him the benefit of the doubt at times but he has continued to be the same rude arrogant inappropriate and disrespectful guy hes been for years, not to mention hes said plenty of hurtful rude and not true things about me in the past. I just dont like him as a person and I usually try to find the best in people but he’s just made it worse every time I’m around him. Is it wrong of me not to invite him to the wedding but have his girlfriend in my wedding? I dont want to be rude but I dont want him to ruin my day either…
Post # 3
@Bunni0929: does the bridesmaid know how you feel about him and know he’s a jerk? I mean, if she knows there is tension there you might be able to have a conversation about it with her and let her know you don’t want to disrespect her but don’t want him there. If she doesn’t know, yes, I think you have to invite him. It’s rude not to, especially since she’s in your wedding party. On the bright side, he won’t be with you when you are getting ready and you will probably barely see him at the wedding. I barely got to say two words to most guests as I was so busy. So if he’s there he probably won’t be that annoying to you.
Post # 4
Are you inviting other people’s SO? If so, than it’s not okay to exclude him. If I were your friend I would be very upset if my SO was not invited. Looks like you still have a year until your wedding though. Perhaps by then she won’t be with him anymore.
Post # 5
It depends how long she has been with him and if you have invited other bridesmaids/close friends’ boyfriends.
I had a similar situation where a very close friend of mine was having an affair with a married man and wanted him to be invited. I hated him and refused to invite him but i was planning on inviting all my other friends SO. Luckily they have broken up now so i dont have to bother!!
Does your friend know you feel like this about him?
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2013 - Pavilion at Rocky Neck State Park
Personally, I don’t see the problem. But then again I am not letting my BIL bring his girlfriend to the wedding. She is 14 (about to be 15) and he is 17 (almost 18). It is just inappropiate and there is an open bar (the bartender does have the right to card people). My parents (who are paying for the caterer) don’t need any trouble from angry parents.
Post # 7
She is your bridal party. She automatically should get a plus one.
Post # 8
She does know how I feel about him…its not just me though…none of her friends like her boyfriend..I would love to invite him I just dont want anything to go wrong..I dont want any of the immature pranks or comments..and shes always going back and forth about whether she wants to even stay with him…if he could just relax and not be immature for one day i wouldnt mind him being there
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
If she’s been dating him for years (like it sounds in your post), in my opinion it’s a pretty dick move to ask her to be in your wedding party and then not even invite her bf. I highly doubt that having him there will ruin your day – you’ll have waaaay too much going on to focus on one douchey guy!
Post # 10
They have been together long than I have been with my fiance so its been over 3 years but they are off and on and I have seen bruises on her and think hes a little abusive…hes using her to pay for everything for him and hes always ending up back in jail…like I said to some one else..if he could jus calm it down for one day I would be ok with it
Post # 11
According to etiquette the only guests automatically entitled to +1s are people who are engaged, married, or living together in a romantic relationship. However, if you extend invitations to all the other SOs the bridal party members, you will find it hard to justify excluding him. For this “winner”, I might be willing to make an exception.
Post # 12
Be prepared for the end of your friendship if you do not include her SO.
Post # 13
@Bunni0929: Given that extra information… I would not. This is not your average unpleasant jerk, this a criminal and probably an abuser.
In fact TBH the bigger question is supporting her and help her leave this loser.
But tell your BM as soon as possible, so she has the option of dropping out.
Post # 14
oh I always support her…shes had friends who wont talk to her anymore because of him…but I’m one of the few who decided to stick around and be here for her…I cant tell her who to be with and who not to be with…all I can do is watch out for her and make sure hes not hurting her. I think shes in denial and doesnt want to leave him even though she always says how much she hates him…anyways I’m getting off topic…thanks ladies for you advice and comments…my wedding is a little over a year away so I have time to figure it out
Post # 15
Yes, you have to invite him. She’s your BM, she gets a plus one. There will be plenty of people there, you can ignore him.
Post # 16
In my experience, members of the bridal party always get a +1
It may severely damage/end your friendship with her if you don’t. It sucks that he is an ass but he will be the last thing you will be thinking about on your wedding day.