(Closed) Is it ok that I’m ok with this?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3942 posts
Honey bee

@MabelleBliss:  You aren’t terrible at all. Getting engaged is so exciting, and it’s only natural that you would want to tell people.

If your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t even have a date picked though, I don’t see why you can’t share the news? I would understand if their wedding was very soon…but 4-6 months is still a ways away.

Post # 4
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think there’s any reason you can’t announce your engagement.  Two of my cousins (siblings) got engaged within weeks of each other, and they both announced immediately.  No one acted like their was thunder-stealing.  But you know the family and people involved, so your call with that. 

Post # 5
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Why don’t you (or FI) call up Future Sister-In-Law and explain your situation to her and get a feel on when she’s getting married?

Post # 6
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MabelleBliss:  No, I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling that way. I would feel the same way. If I were your Future Sister-In-Law and I knew that you were waiting just to keep from “stealing my thunder”, I would feel TERRIBLE. In fact, my friend told me her (now fiance) waited to propose because mine had just proposed, and I felt like a queen B (even though I wouldn’t have cared!). If her wedding is coming up, I’m assuming she’s been engaged long enough to have “her moment”, and you should be able to get “officially” engaged without ruffling any feathers.

Post # 7
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My cousin got engaged 3 days before our wedding and I didn’t give a hoot!  4-6 months (with no definite date) is a long time to keep a secret!  I think you are more likely to hurt feelings by keeping it a secret, in fact.

Post # 8
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MabelleBliss:  You can get the ring whenever you want!  Two people in the family can be engaged at the same time.  It’s nice that you don’t want to steal anyone’s thunder, but you don’t need to wait until after they are married.  How long ago did Future Sister-In-Law get engaged?  I also think it’d be fine to bring it up with your Fiance again – it’s not selfish or ring-grabby.  Just say you’re thinking about rings and wondering about when you could go look.  Now if he’s told you that he can’t afford one until XX date, then you should probably wait until around then to bring it up.

Finally, I don’t know if you’ve read the posts about brides who are upset that someone is “stealing their thunder,” but those people are told they are wrong and get put in their place pretty quickly.

Post # 9
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Announce away! I think she’d also appreciate having someone else in the family to discuss wedding planning with.

Post # 10
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

if they are planning to get married in 4 months and haven’t set a date, i’d venture to guess they aren’t going to be married in 4 months.

Post # 12
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You can still announce your engagement immediately

Post # 13
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have a friend who hasn’t even been proposed to yet…but we’ve already gotten their save-the-date in the mail for a wedding in Greece in July! I think its super cute that at some point he will propose and totally knock her socks off with a ring…she knows the wedding is going to happen and now she just sits back and waits for her suprise! I kinda love it!

Post # 14
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’d ask your Fiance for a timeline on this too. I think you’re both being really considerate, but depending on where you live and when you both want to get married, you’re going to have to start planning at some point. But also… this is excitement for your family too, not just his! So maybe gently ask that he tell you X number of weeks. I don’t see why he can’t talk to his sister and feel her out, either. 

Post # 16
7490 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are being way too nice.  Go for it- whenever you want to.

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