Post # 1
So my SO proposed week before last, but we’ve decided not to announce it yet or get a ring yet. The reason is partly financial, but also because his sister currently engaged and he doesn’t want to steal her thunder. I don’t want to either. I absolutely do not want to be the cause behind one of those “My relative has been with their SO less time than me, and now getting engaged rant rant rant” posts. I’m not one to cause drama or ever really put my own wants before other people’s. That said, I feel a bit sad that I’ll have to wait a long time for my ring, I don’t want other people to think I’m fake engaged so I’ve shyed away from any kind of wedding related shopping/ telling other people (my friends/aquaintences who don’t know Future Sister-In-Law so it doesn’t matter in that regard). Fiance has said Future Sister-In-Law is getting married in 4-6 months though if there’s no date set I’m not entirely convinced that’s an accurate estimate. I feel guilty for even feeling sad about this at all, it seems selfish and ring-grabby to want it or bring it up again before Future Sister-In-Law get’s married. Am I terrible for feeling impatient?
Post # 3
@MabelleBliss: You aren’t terrible at all. Getting engaged is so exciting, and it’s only natural that you would want to tell people.
If your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t even have a date picked though, I don’t see why you can’t share the news? I would understand if their wedding was very soon…but 4-6 months is still a ways away.
Post # 4
I don’t think there’s any reason you can’t announce your engagement. Two of my cousins (siblings) got engaged within weeks of each other, and they both announced immediately. No one acted like their was thunder-stealing. But you know the family and people involved, so your call with that.
Post # 5
Why don’t you (or FI) call up Future Sister-In-Law and explain your situation to her and get a feel on when she’s getting married?
Post # 6
@MabelleBliss: No, I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling that way. I would feel the same way. If I were your Future Sister-In-Law and I knew that you were waiting just to keep from “stealing my thunder”, I would feel TERRIBLE. In fact, my friend told me her (now fiance) waited to propose because mine had just proposed, and I felt like a queen B (even though I wouldn’t have cared!). If her wedding is coming up, I’m assuming she’s been engaged long enough to have “her moment”, and you should be able to get “officially” engaged without ruffling any feathers.
Post # 7
My cousin got engaged 3 days before our wedding and I didn’t give a hoot! 4-6 months (with no definite date) is a long time to keep a secret! I think you are more likely to hurt feelings by keeping it a secret, in fact.
Post # 8
@MabelleBliss: You can get the ring whenever you want! Two people in the family can be engaged at the same time. It’s nice that you don’t want to steal anyone’s thunder, but you don’t need to wait until after they are married. How long ago did Future Sister-In-Law get engaged? I also think it’d be fine to bring it up with your Fiance again – it’s not selfish or ring-grabby. Just say you’re thinking about rings and wondering about when you could go look. Now if he’s told you that he can’t afford one until XX date, then you should probably wait until around then to bring it up.
Finally, I don’t know if you’ve read the posts about brides who are upset that someone is “stealing their thunder,” but those people are told they are wrong and get put in their place pretty quickly.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Announce away! I think she’d also appreciate having someone else in the family to discuss wedding planning with.
Post # 10
if they are planning to get married in 4 months and haven’t set a date, i’d venture to guess they aren’t going to be married in 4 months.
Post # 11
I’m really glad that I’m not being unreasonable! I think though, I’ll keep waiting out this timeline, if only for the reason that my Fiance has requested it.
@les105: @RunsWithBears: Yeah, she’s been engaged a long time (since before I met my SO) but just got her ring this month so there’s an aspect of “newness” to it too.
@bookworm88: Unfortunately, I feel like we’re not close enough to have that conversation without me feeling paralyzingly awkward. I wish we were.
@rebwana: That’s one of the reasons why I do want to announce it, I would really really love to help her with planning because I desperately want to be closer to her and I don’t know how to let her know about my extensive wedding-related knowledge without seeming weird (being presumed unengaged) haha.
@Mrs. Meowerson: This is my suspicion too! I don’t want to presume something like that, because I know a wedding can be planned on short notice. Or maybe there is a date/venue but noboby has been told it? (for some strange reason). But I think if they don’t get married/set a date within six months I’m going to insist on not waiting for them.
Post # 12
You can still announce your engagement immediately
Post # 13
I have a friend who hasn’t even been proposed to yet…but we’ve already gotten their save-the-date in the mail for a wedding in Greece in July! I think its super cute that at some point he will propose and totally knock her socks off with a ring…she knows the wedding is going to happen and now she just sits back and waits for her suprise! I kinda love it!
Post # 14
I’d ask your Fiance for a timeline on this too. I think you’re both being really considerate, but depending on where you live and when you both want to get married, you’re going to have to start planning at some point. But also… this is excitement for your family too, not just his! So maybe gently ask that he tell you X number of weeks. I don’t see why he can’t talk to his sister and feel her out, either.
Post # 15
@atalante: We’re not getting married super soon after we get “engaged”, so I’m not worried about starting active planning. Also, I’m not especially excited about telling my family (well, my dad) Telling him anything is just potential huge drama. Waiting longer would probably decrease that risk. I could ask Fiance to talk to his sister or her fiance though, he sees them once a week (he’s actually seeing them tonight but I don’t have an opportunity to talk to him before that)
Post # 16
You are being way too nice. Go for it- whenever you want to.