- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
Hi, new poster here, although I have been reading the message boards for a while now!
So we are planning a small wedding (50 ppl) at the end of July, and I am having trouble with my bridesmaids. I asked my older sister, my best friend from childhood, and at the pressure of my mum, my 19yr old sister who I have pretty much no contact with. I’ve been living in the PNW for 3 years, and met my Fiance strait after I moved here. The trouble is now that all my bridesmaids are all on the other side of the country, and haven’t really helped with anything. I have friends here that I have been dress shopping etc with, and they are all asking if I am having a bachelorette party, and I don’t really know what to say.
I would love to have a bachelorette party, but both my sisters and my other bridesmaid are getting in on the thursday or friday before the wedding, so I just can’t see how there would be time for them to organise anything. Or me to organise anything that they could join. They don’t know any of my friends here so I can see it would be hard, but I must admit I am a little dissapointed.
As soon as I was engaged I asked my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor – first phone call I made. She actually wasn’t too excited, as she had been with her boyfriend longer than I had and despite talking about it wasn’t engaged yet, but she said ok. Then, luckily, she got engaged 2 months after us! She is having her wedding two months later, and said strait away that she would have myself and our little sister av bridesmaids. When I asked who she was having as her Maid/Matron of Honor she said that she didn’t want to choose and the whole concept of Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t important to her. She said it in a way that made me feel kinda stupid for asking her to be mine, and I have been regretting it since then as I wish I had asked someone that would be a bit more excited for in our wedding plans or help out.
I asked my older sister what she wanted to do about dresses, sent her links to dresses online, and got almost no feedback. So I bought and shipped bridesmaids dresses to her (she needed two sizes incase she looses weight by the wedding), and asked her to get her own shoes. I send her pics of our table decoration ideas, my dress, that sort of thing, and she hardly replies. I get it that she is busy planning her own wedding, but still…
She decided to use the same laser cut invites that we used, which was 100% ok with me, but since then she hasn’t wanted to tell me any details as she is worried I will copy her ideas. She won’t even show me what her wedding dress looks like, which is so silly as I already have mine. I feel like we were quite close before, but now that we’re both getting married it’s all a competition to her which is ridiculous.
Anyway, I asked her if she would like me to throw a bachelorette part for her, and she said no, because our Mum is already arranging one for her. She hasn’t asked if I had any plans for mine… She is a lot closer to our mum, and lives just around the corner from her, so they have been doing all of her wedding planning together. I can’t imagine our mum throwing a party for me as she hasn’t mentioned anything and gets in the day before the wedding too.
So I have been trying to be a decent person and not get caught up about all this, but my inner bridezilla wants to shout at her to step up. I am also trying to tell myself that this stuff isn’t important, but oh how I regret asking my sisters to be my briedsmaids instead of some friends that live close by. I am really tempted to ask my friend who is already a bridesmaid to be my Maid/Matron of Honor instead, as although is is also on the other side of the country, she is super excited, and I know she will help out on the day, make a speech, etc. But that is a horrible thing to do right? Maybe I could say that I have two MOHs?
Anyway, enough ranting, but does anyone have any tips – how should I get through the next month and enjoy the wedding day, when I feel like two of my bridesmaids haven’t been there for me the last year? And is it really awkward to through myself a bachelorette party – or ask a non bridesmaid friend to throw it for me? Or should I just not worry about having a bachelorette party?