(Closed) Is it ok to ask a MOH to step down? Can I throw my own bachelorette party?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do??

    Ask my childhood best friend to be my MOH instead

    Just go with it as it is and focus on all the other great things on the day!

    Throw yourself a bachelorette party

    Bachelorette parties are overrrated, don't worry about it!

    Please let me know other suggestions :)

  • Post # 16
    329 posts
    Helper bee

    Yeah I’m kind of in the same boat as 

    View original reply
    VeggieBee in that life’s just too short and you only get married once. Maybe it won’t be a tradtional bachelorette where everyone pays*, but you can still have a fun night out. If etiquette is such an issue, then just tell your local friends that since your sisters won’t be throwing a bachelorette for you, you’re going to do your thing and have a fun night out. Ask them to join you. Wear something that makes you feel good. Go out and have a great time. Celebrate.

    I also don’t see the problem with having two MOHs provided that your local friend doesn’t mind. It sounds like your sister won’t mind since she doesn’t seem to care about Maid/Matron of Honor and all that. 

    Seriously. Life’s just too short. Do your thing. 

    (*My Maid/Matron of Honor threw me one, but we all paid our own way so hey, even if there is one it might not go the way you think.)

    Post # 17
    7786 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    If your local friends want to throw a party or bachelorette for you there is absolutely nothing to stop them from doing it.

    Do not demote your sister and do not throw your own bachelorette. A bridal luncheon with friends and family a day or two before the wedding is a thank you for those who have supported you and while usually hosted by the bride’s family is something you could get away with doing. 

    Post # 18
    14 posts
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I also have a Maid/Matron of Honor that isn’t stepping up. My 2 bridesmaids AND Maid/Matron of Honor are all from out of town so I sympathize with your long distance issues and having to do everything for them instead since they can’t really help much. 

    I initially told my bridal party that I didn’t want anything done for a bachelorette party/stagette/bridal shower since it woudl be such a hassle for them being from out of town. All 3 of them insisted we did something, and my Maid/Matron of Honor was the one that said she’ll plan it, so I went along with it at first. Later, I started hearing chatter from my bridesmaids and later my sister who was asked to step in to ‘negotiate’ a plan with my Maid/Matron of Honor, because my Maid/Matron of Honor didnt’ want to do anything more than a board game night at my parents house (where I don’t live at), and that she’ll buy me a sash. My bridesmaids instead was thinking of a spa day. My sister realized there must be financial constraints, so she planned out a night where we would all spend less than $200 per person for a day spa, dinner, and a dessert. Unfortunately, it got all too frustrating for my bridesmaids and my sister, and I ended up stepping in. I planned out a trip where I broke down every single item, researched for the cheapest deals (even going to the lengths of getting our extended health care insurnace involved), getting gift cards at Costco, and told them that i was planning a trip, it was NOT mandatory, and that if they would like to join, they are welcome to. This way, it wasn’t a bachelorette, and nothing was mandatory, and if they showed up, great, if not, it’s completely ok in my books as well. At the end of the day, wouldn’t you just want everyone to get along and have a good time for your wedding? 

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