(Closed) Is it ok to ask over facebook?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ok to ask over facebook messanger? (Not posting on his wall, but privately)
    Absolutely! That's the way you communicate, plus it allows for less pressure! : (71 votes)
    68 %
    No, you should call him. : (31 votes)
    30 %
    No, but do this instead... : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    8444 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Happilyevaafter5:  I don’t think it’s an issue, but I’m not a facebook hater either, so I think the opinions you get on this may vary quite a bit.  I’d say put up a poll.

    Post # 4
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Why don’t you ask your cousin for his phone number via facebook? Then, call him to ask.  

    Post # 5
    15963 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    If that’s the way you guys usually communicate, I don’t see a problem with it.

    Post # 7
    9115 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I see no problem with it. I asked my MoH over text message and all my bridesmaids via facebook.

    Post # 8
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    How thoughtful you are, to recognize the pressure you would be putting on your cousin with this simple request. The traditional way to deal with such a request, would be to put it in a hand-written note, to be sent through the post. I have frequently argued on these boards, that just as sending notes by personal footman was replaced by sending them by mail, an just as the hand-cut quill pen with India ink was replaced by the ballpoint pen, email and facebook private massage have replaced pen and paper and become the normative form for the personal note in the twenty-first century. In other words, I think using facebook would be completely proper –but if you want to be proper AND traditional, you could actually mail a paper note:-) 

    Post # 9
    8041 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @Happilyevaafter5:  I don’t see why not. Or send him a private message on there and he can have some time to think about it.

    If you were inviting people to your wedding over FB, it might be a bit weird… but I don’t see an issue over this.

    I hate phones so I am biased, but I seriously don’t see a problem with this.

    Post # 10
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @MrsWBS:  I agree with you 🙂  I think it’s more personal to ask that way rather than in writing but I also appreciate not telling anyone else before the cousin.  I’d get his number on FB then phone because then you have the number for future reference if you need it for wedding related stuff.

    Post # 12
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It’s fine if that’s how you want to do it but it’s not very personnal. It would probably be more special if you called but it’s totally up to you.

    Post # 13
    13295 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Personally, I don’t like it, and would probably raise my eyebrows a bit if someone wanted my child to be in their wedding but couldn’t pick up the phone to call me… 

    Post # 14
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    @abbie017:  I agree with you.  

    Post # 15
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Happilyevaafter5:  Is there any way you could get the number through another relative? I have nothing against facebook or messenger but I think it might be more personable to ask over the phone. =)

    Post # 16
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’d ask for his number via Facebook and then during the phone call tell him no pressure, think about it and please just get back to you by such-and-such date. That way you have the personal touch of a phone message (I know you don’t usually talk, but you really should make the effort just this once, he might really appreciate the gesture) and you give him time to think about it and not be put on the spot.

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