(Closed) is it ok to bring less than the requested amount? or should i decline?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: what would you do?

    Don't go at all - because I can't afford $50, better not to go at all

    Don't go because it’s rude to ask for money (i know people will say this, so i put it as an option

    Go and give what I can - tell the host in advance my situation

    Go and give what I can - don't say anything.

    other - there is always an "other"

  • Post # 3
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    IF you can only afford $25 then that is what you can afford. Personally if I were hosting the party (which I would never designate an amount to give I find that odd and tacky) I would be happy with what ever the guests could contribute. I am sure your FRIEND who is getting married will be just happy to have you there no matter what your contribution is.

    Post # 4
    5497 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

    OK, well the issue I have here is not with a honeymoon gift, I am also having a honeymoon registry. BUT, you can NEVER state how much you should donate to a party EVER. thats just messed up. How could that even be worded on an invitation?! Registries ARE for all wedding events! I would talk to the host if possible and tell her the max you could donate.. or tell her that you could just buy something off the registry like a normal person. PLUS, how exactly is that showering the bride with gifts? Thats just one really big rain drop!

    Post # 5
    1239 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @fellowbee: If it’s a surprise for her honeymoon, I’d say, talk to the host and say look I can’t do this right now, I can get you some later? 

    EDIT: So we’re going on carnival for our honeymoon. And Carnival has a Honeymoon reg. but I’m not using it. They charge CC fees AND you have to ask for certian amounts. 

    Post # 6
    15514 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Shoot the host a message or call her up and explain that you’re really excited to come to the shower, and you were thinking of getting your own smaller gift.  BUT if she would really like a group contribution to a larger item, you’re ok with that, but really cannot afford to give more than xxx amount.  You can even explain as you have here if you like, I would love to contribute the requested $50 but I really cant – cause I literally have $56 dollars to my name right now.

    Post # 7
    2140 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    View original reply

    Thats just one really big rain drop!

    hhahahah that got a chuckle out of me. I’ve never heard of one big gift for the shower and certainly not dictating how much. $50 is more than what some family members gave at our wedding!

    I say go and give what you can.

    Post # 8
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Do not gift more than you can afford! Your friend loves you and would not want that! Just call up the hostess beforehand and let her know. I’m sure she will be more than accommodating.  

    Post # 9
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @pinkshoes: I think it is extremely tacky to state how much she expects from people. I am not a fan of honeymoon registries, but understand that some people do it. The end result is that it is a GIFT, you should choose what it is, and how much you spend on it. I agree with pinkshoes, you should speak to the host and explain your situation. Odds are, she will be glad that you can attend and will (and SHOULD BE) gracious as to whatever your gift is! 🙂 Hope it works out! And let us know!! I don’t think you should miss out because of money. That is sad! Celebrate your friend! 🙂

    Post # 10
    3360 posts
    Sugar bee

    @fellowbee: I would go and not mention anything to the host.  Your financial position is none of her business.  You do not owe anyone and explanation.  Give the gift you want and that is that.

    Post # 11
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I agree with the last statement. I would go and just give what you can you dont owe them an explanation they have no right to as for a specific amount. I would rather my good friends come and give what they can then not come or come and make themselves struggle for it.

    Post # 12
    649 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I wouldn’t tell the host anything, it’s not her gift and it’s none of her business.  Go to the shower to support your friend and give whatever you are comfortable with.

    Post # 13
    5117 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d totally go.

    If the gifts are just to be given in envelopes to the bride, go and say nothing. If this is something that the host is organizing ahead of time and wants the $$ sent to her, then I’d just send my check for $20, 25, whatever, and state that you’re thrilled for your friend but that this is what you have available to contribute and you can’t wait to see everyone. She then knows that 1- you’re coming to the shower, and 2- you didn’t miss the memo on the requested amount, this is what she’s getting.

    Go and have fun celebrating with your friend!

    Post # 14
    1632 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    How was it worded on the invite?  Because it seems to me that (regardless of whether it was proper to do this or not) the hostess probably just threw that amount out there as a suggested contribution per person.  I would assume the hostess doesn’t plan to give anyone grief or turn anyone away at the door for contributing less.

    If you like the idea of contributing to the honeymoon fund, then just show up to the shower with a $20 bill in hand and give it to the hostess without even saying anything extra about it (if she’s collecting it all together to present as a group gift – if not, just stick your contribution in a card for the bride and call it a day).  If the hostess makes it into an issue, that’s a poor reflection on her.

    Post # 15
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I actually would be kind of disappointed if my bridal shower host decided to do this.  I’m really looking forward to opening a ton of gifts from the registry that my fiance and I spent so much time putting together.  I hope the bride knows that the host is planning on asking the guests to contribute to the honeymoon.  Otherwise, I’m sure she will be greatly disappointed that she won’t be receiving a ton of gifts to open.  That’s part of the fun! 

    If you can only give $25, then that’s what you give.  The host should have never suggested $50 from each person.  That’s crazy. 

    Post # 16
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @andielovesj: I agree with this completely!

    The topic ‘is it ok to bring less than the requested amount? or should i decline?’ is closed to new replies.

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