Post # 1
I am kind of in a sucky situation. An old friend’s bridal shower is coming up. I was all excited to go because: 1) I haven’t seen her in forever, 2) Although she was unable to come to my shower or wedding, she HAS come to other events of mine. So i was happy to finally be going to one of HER events! I won’t be attending her wedding as it is a Destination Wedding and I just can’t afford it now.
My sucky situation is that I am currently job-less. Since i am still in school, I get very minimal student loans. DH has a job and supports us for the time being while i am on a part time job hunt. However, even his salary is entry level and we are just making ends meet and he will have to start paying his student loans soon. So all that was to put in perspective how $50 is ALOT of money for me right now to spend in one shot!
For her shower, i knew she was registered at a department store, so i was planning to spend about $25-30 max on a gift from her registry. Well, the official shower invite just came in the mail today and i was surprised to see that her registry is NOT being used for her shower. Instead, the host is asking for $50 to put towards a group gift for her honeymoon.
Ok don’t freak out yet. I know tons of people are wildly against this. I am not. I did a honeymoon registry for our wedding for several reasons that made sense for us. And I have been to a few showers where the gift was a larger one which the host asked for contributions. So I take NO issue to the idea of “contribute cash to a bigger gift”. What i take issue with is that i am being told HOW MUCH to give! And i truly do NOT have $50 to spend 🙁
So what do i do? Give $25? Half of what everyone else is likely giving. And do i tell the host in advance what I can give?? OR do I not go at all anymore? which sucks because i was looking forward to going and celebrating with my friend! Or do I fork over $50 and really struggle until next month (like I currently have $56 in my account right now!).
Post # 3
IF you can only afford $25 then that is what you can afford. Personally if I were hosting the party (which I would never designate an amount to give I find that odd and tacky) I would be happy with what ever the guests could contribute. I am sure your FRIEND who is getting married will be just happy to have you there no matter what your contribution is.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
OK, well the issue I have here is not with a honeymoon gift, I am also having a honeymoon registry. BUT, you can NEVER state how much you should donate to a party EVER. thats just messed up. How could that even be worded on an invitation?! Registries ARE for all wedding events! I would talk to the host if possible and tell her the max you could donate.. or tell her that you could just buy something off the registry like a normal person. PLUS, how exactly is that showering the bride with gifts? Thats just one really big rain drop!
Post # 5
@fellowbee: If it’s a surprise for her honeymoon, I’d say, talk to the host and say look I can’t do this right now, I can get you some later?
EDIT: So we’re going on carnival for our honeymoon. And Carnival has a Honeymoon reg. but I’m not using it. They charge CC fees AND you have to ask for certian amounts.
Post # 6
Shoot the host a message or call her up and explain that you’re really excited to come to the shower, and you were thinking of getting your own smaller gift. BUT if she would really like a group contribution to a larger item, you’re ok with that, but really cannot afford to give more than xxx amount. You can even explain as you have here if you like, I would love to contribute the requested $50 but I really cant – cause I literally have $56 dollars to my name right now.
Post # 7
Thats just one really big rain drop!
hhahahah that got a chuckle out of me. I’ve never heard of one big gift for the shower and certainly not dictating how much. $50 is more than what some family members gave at our wedding!
I say go and give what you can.
Post # 8
Do not gift more than you can afford! Your friend loves you and would not want that! Just call up the hostess beforehand and let her know. I’m sure she will be more than accommodating.
Post # 9
I think it is extremely tacky to state how much she expects from people. I am not a fan of honeymoon registries, but understand that some people do it. The end result is that it is a GIFT, you should choose what it is, and how much you spend on it. I agree with pinkshoes, you should speak to the host and explain your situation. Odds are, she will be glad that you can attend and will (and SHOULD BE) gracious as to whatever your gift is! 🙂 Hope it works out! And let us know!! I don’t think you should miss out because of money. That is sad! Celebrate your friend! 🙂
Post # 10
@fellowbee: I would go and not mention anything to the host. Your financial position is none of her business. You do not owe anyone and explanation. Give the gift you want and that is that.
Post # 11
I agree with the last statement. I would go and just give what you can you dont owe them an explanation they have no right to as for a specific amount. I would rather my good friends come and give what they can then not come or come and make themselves struggle for it.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t tell the host anything, it’s not her gift and it’s none of her business. Go to the shower to support your friend and give whatever you are comfortable with.
Post # 13
I’d totally go.
If the gifts are just to be given in envelopes to the bride, go and say nothing. If this is something that the host is organizing ahead of time and wants the $$ sent to her, then I’d just send my check for $20, 25, whatever, and state that you’re thrilled for your friend but that this is what you have available to contribute and you can’t wait to see everyone. She then knows that 1- you’re coming to the shower, and 2- you didn’t miss the memo on the requested amount, this is what she’s getting.
Go and have fun celebrating with your friend!
Post # 14
How was it worded on the invite? Because it seems to me that (regardless of whether it was proper to do this or not) the hostess probably just threw that amount out there as a suggested contribution per person. I would assume the hostess doesn’t plan to give anyone grief or turn anyone away at the door for contributing less.
If you like the idea of contributing to the honeymoon fund, then just show up to the shower with a $20 bill in hand and give it to the hostess without even saying anything extra about it (if she’s collecting it all together to present as a group gift – if not, just stick your contribution in a card for the bride and call it a day). If the hostess makes it into an issue, that’s a poor reflection on her.
Post # 15
I actually would be kind of disappointed if my bridal shower host decided to do this. I’m really looking forward to opening a ton of gifts from the registry that my fiance and I spent so much time putting together. I hope the bride knows that the host is planning on asking the guests to contribute to the honeymoon. Otherwise, I’m sure she will be greatly disappointed that she won’t be receiving a ton of gifts to open. That’s part of the fun!
If you can only give $25, then that’s what you give. The host should have never suggested $50 from each person. That’s crazy.
Post # 16
I agree with this completely!