(Closed) is it ok to bring less than the requested amount? or should i decline?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: what would you do?

    Don't go at all - because I can't afford $50, better not to go at all

    Don't go because it’s rude to ask for money (i know people will say this, so i put it as an option

    Go and give what I can - tell the host in advance my situation

    Go and give what I can - don't say anything.

    other - there is always an "other"

  • Post # 18
    3457 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @pinkshoes: I’m watching the Packer game. All I saw was “Shoot the host” while Flynn got a TD … lol … But I agree with the all of what you said, as well as “Shoot the host”.

    I can’t believe the audacity of some people!

    Post # 19
    1747 posts
    Bumble bee

    @fellowbee: Get her a card and a $25 gift card. Go enjoy yourself and support your friend. Friendship does not have a price, she is going to be happy to see you. Lastly, your financial situation is none of her business, its a gift!

    Post # 20
    3457 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If you feel awkward about giving less, you could always purchase an item (off registry) and tell the host that sorry, you already were all set on presents prior to receiving the invitation.  Technically not lying by saying that because you were set – on paying less – before receiving the invitation.  But honestly you shouldn’t feel bad for contributing less.

    Post # 21
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Tell her before hand about your money situation. If she is a true friend and not just inviting people for the $, she will be happy to see you even if you can’t give $50.

    Post # 23
    1728 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    i think that she should be shot.. and i think you are handling it VERY gracious. the email was great and nicer then what needed to be..she should NEVER request an amount thats just plain rude. Having a shower is to spend time with the people that support you..not give gifts. If you feel ANY type of way about the lesser amount- give the $25 and make her something homemade she can have forever…forget the host! your friendship means more

    Post # 24
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Your email is perfect. I think you’ll feel a lot better once you know how it will play out. The hostess probably doesn’t know how rude she is being, so I think your email is totally polite and appropriate.

    Post # 25
    7767 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    That is really hard.  I hate it when these kinds of things come up.  If you really cannot afford it, talk to the host.  Tell her you just can’t right now.  That is tough, but I think the host is a little bit rude to request that, personally. 

    Post # 26
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would tell the host that you would love to attend but with other obligations in your life you will only be giving 25! That is still very generous and it is very rude for the host to assume everyone will want to give 50 dollars. I’m almost positive that you aren’t the only one upset by this. Im sure the bride will be happy that you made the effort to attend her bridal shower. If that was my shower I’d be so ticked at my friend who assumed that all the guests would spend 50 on gifts. My shower had it’s own issues that I won’t go into here! I just don’t understand how some people think sometimes!

    Post # 27
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I would just give what you can. I think it is rude for them to expect everyone can give 50 bucks. I say go and have fun and give what you can I doubt your friend will even care she’ll just  be happy to see you. and if she did care then what kind of friend is that?

    Post # 28
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @fellowbee: I don’t think you should justify yourself.  It isn’t anyone’s business.  If you want to communicate that you don’t want to/can’t contribute to the group gift you could go with something simple


      Can’t wait to see you at Mary’s shower.  She is so excited.  I just wanted to let you know that I have already got my gift taken care of.

    See you on Saturday.


    Post # 29
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    View original reply
    @fellowbee: I wouldn’t email her, I would call. I wouldn’t say “lesser” I would say the amount you are able to give.

    Post # 31
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    It is extremely rude for the host to be demanding a specific type of gift and minimum price tag. I would decline the shower invite and then arrange with your friend to go out to lunch sometime to make up for the shower blunder. Your friend will appreciate whatever you can afford, since it’s the thought that counts.

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