(Closed) Is it ok to drop a bridesmaid after asking?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

jss77:  If you ask, you risk the chance of ruining the friendships for good. Good friends are very hard to come by. Even though you think you’re just asking, it’s going to come off completely different to them especially as they haven’t done anything to fight with you or have problems. Just be happy you have friends who want to support you on your day, and have a good time!

Post # 18
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

jss77:  You should talk to her and voice that you feel it might be too much for her and giving that you two barely speak anymore, does she still want to be a bridesmaid. IF she says she does, however, and she wants to put in the effort to still be a bridesmaid and maybe communicate a little more (maybe you two could come to an agreement on easy ways to communicate better with each other), then YES you should keep her as a bridesmaid. If you’re truly wanting to drop her because you are reducing the size of the wedding, then I think you would need to drop all 3 and just keep your sister (and, of course, reimburse any wedding costs they may incur). Just keep in mind this still has the potential to hurt feelings.

Post # 19
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

The only way you could possibly swing this is if you don’t have a traditional bridal party and only have your sister stand alongside you. It would mean your SO could only have one groomsman as well because otherwise they will wonder why they were dropped. And then you would be well placed to include them in other ways e.g. readings

Post # 21
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

jss77:  In this last post of yours, waaay too much emphasis on appearance/evenness of bridal party and way too little emphasis on actually honoring friendships. Also, I get weird vibes from trying to push your husband to be friends with the husbands of people you say you’re not even really very close with, all for the sake of getting your bridal party to “even out.” 

Post # 22
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I feel that its your wedding and if you think theres no reason for her to be in your wedding or just dont want her in your wedding you shouldnt have her. Its that simple because why have people standing by your side if you dont want them there. Just try to be as nice as possible and tell her the friendship has chamged and that you dont think it would be a good idea for her to be in your wedding but shes still invited to the wedding

Post # 23
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

jmccalope1:  +1

I actually think its a good idea to check in with your bridesmaids to be now that things have changed. A friend of mine was a Maid/Matron of Honor in her friends wedding and as planning went along, she felt less and less connected to the bride. She felt like the bride really wanted her other bridesmaid to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and my friend actually said to the bride “it’s okay if you want Ms. X to be your Maid/Matron of Honor instead of me, I just want you to be happy”. The bride said no but these things do happen. And I do know that some people are overwhelmed with being a bridesmaid and say yes and then regret it due to financial or time obligations.

It’s your wedding. People can get really fired up on this topic but I think your only option is to approach each of them and say “Just wanted to check in. I know its been a while since I asked and things have changed with our plans. I’m just checking in to make sure you’re still on board to be in the wedding party. If something has changed and you don’t want to be anymore, that’s okay, but just let me know. Otherwise, we’ll move ahead with planning as anticipated.”. 

Post # 24
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Unless your friend is an immature childish person then having an open and honest conversation should be fine. Just tell her that the wedding was initially larger and so you guys chose a larger wedding party. Now it’s much smaller and you would like to shrink your wedding party down accordingly. However, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and her participation in your day is still very important. Maybe you could still have a head table and ask them all to sit at it with you. Or you could take some posed photos with them all still. I would say you could ask the other girls to still help in another way like decorating or doing a reading, etc. But some see that as removing an honorable position and replacing it with a job. Maybe you could host a tea or luncheon the day or weekend before or the day of your wedding (if your event is late enough in the day to have time) to just spend time with only your four intended BMs. Any reasonable mature adult will see why you’re cutting the wedding party down and a REAL friendship (even an older one that’s gotten a little distance) will survive. 

Post # 26
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Fearrington Village

jss77:  If you’ve had that long of an engagement, then it seems reasonable to “check in” with your bridesmaids. I would encourage you let her know that you still want her to be in your wedding, even if you are waivering. All of my bridesmaids are relatively new mothers (6months -4 yrs) and I definitely don’t feel as close to them as I used to, but I am excited about this opportunity to spend time together and celebrate with them. There’s a reason we were friends for so long and I don’t want that to change. I’m guessing the same may be true for you two.

Post # 27
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Ask her to step down and friendship is done. If you’re okay with that, then please proceed. 

Post # 28
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Why decrease your bridal party because of a decreased guest list? Keep your girls, espcially since they’ve caused no real harm from what you’ve said. Leave them be & maintain whatever relationships you have.  If your relationships fall off, at least it won’t be because you kicked them out of your wedding.

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