(Closed) Is it ok to get hateful text messages like this ??

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@honey_bee_tn:  I think if you have to be asking whether or not this is okay, you already know deep in your heart that it isn’t.  Always follow your heart, but if you really want me to answer your question… the answer is no, this is NOT okay because what he just did (including the screaming) is abusive.  It also seems like he is trying to control your work life and then got pissed off because you didn’t go along with it.  I see control and anger management issues here.  Be careful and stay safe.

Post # 108
Hostess
2997 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

woooooah baby, I have a HOT, short temper and even I don’t say things like that Cry  Definitely not, okay

Post # 110
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

your being too submisive not sensitive honey.

Post # 111
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

I would be afraid of him from now on… This is a text message, he had a choice to read what he wrote and think about it before sending the message. If he actually spoke it, yeah, I would say it’s in the heat of the moment, but actually texting that takes conscious effort to be mean, he had a choice not to send…

Post # 112
Member
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“I know hanging up is wrong. But what would you do when you get screamed at for whatever reason? I hated myself for doing it but I had to protect myself. And no I was not yelling.”

Stop beating yourself up for hanging up on him!  You were being verbally assaulted!

I would have hung up on him too actually.  There’s no way you could have gotten a sane word in anyway.  Sit there and wait for a break?  Actually, before the hang up, I would have said, “Let’s talk about this when you are calmer, BYE” OR “I will not tolerate being screamed at, talk to me when you’ve calmed down.”  If he would have even heard it over his yelling. 

It is not acceptable.  There’s always a first time.  You said, when he’s mad, he’s mad.  That’s a red flag to me personally.

Most couples do talk about their day even if it includs work.  We can share work complaints with each other.  We don’t give any opnions, we just offer an ear and support.  That’s pretty normal! 

Post # 113
Member
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

By chance, is he putting all the focus on YOUR hanging up, as if it were bigger than what he did, or the reason why he did what he did?

Post # 114
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

*hugs* no, that’s not okay.  My Fiance and I may cuss at eachother, but never to that extent. 

Post # 115
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you do need to eventually forgive him for the disgusting comment but that isn’t to ignore it. You should calmly get together to talk about how the language is hurtful and harmful and also let him tell you how what you did hurt him. He was obviously distressed about something and you need to listen to what that is, even if you still think you were in the right. Only when the two of you understand each other will you possibly be able to come to a mutual compromise. 

I think you were right to dissconnect from someone who was yelling at you. If any yelling starts in the discussion, calmly separate yourself and say you need a break to cool down. 

Post # 116
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

Anyone who would speak like that to me is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with. 

Post # 117
Member
3196 posts
Sugar bee

Not normal. Not okay. Not someone you want to marry.

Post # 118
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I understand him for being pissed off about being hung up on, but that’s taking it way too far. There is no acceptable situation in a relationship that one person should be told to shove it up their ass. Does he have anger issues? Is there a history of these things happening before?

On a side note: Has he hung up on you and have you yelled at him for it before? If so, that’s definitely a reasonable basis for what he said, plus the fact that being hung up on, for some people, is extremely infuriating. Still doesn’t excuse the comments though.

Post # 119
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

@honey_bee_tn:  Tell him to take his crappy words and shove them up HIS ass. And then find a man who treats you with respect. 

Post # 120
Member
977 posts
Busy bee

@sassy411 probaby a combination of us both having the same background of growing up and parents who faught over their drama over work. it was a personal decision. 

 

Post # 121
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s REALLY easy for people on the internet to say ‘omg if my husband texted that I would divorce him!’ and ‘that is emotional abuse!’ –forgetting that they are hearing things out of context and that if their or their spouse’s worst behavior were shown it wouldn’t be very pretty either.

 

To the OP–men can be weird, if you complain to them about your problems at work they don’t get that you need to vent and go into ‘fix it’ mode–then if you don’t want their help they get angry. I know that is a stereotype and it doesnt make it ok for him to flip out on you but still—-he doesn’t run around screaming insults you on a regular basis so I would put in perspective

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