(Closed) Is it OK to invite some children in family but not others?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

If you are absolutely not having any kids under 5 who are not in the bridal party, then it might be okay, but the family may still think it is a little weird to invite some but not all.  You may want to offer a babysitter on or close to the site and let the family know about it.  I’m not really sure on this one, it could definitely go either way!

Post # 4
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The best thing to do when questioning how to invite kids is to have a hard and fast rule.  All kids, no kids under 10 except infants, flower girl and ring bearer only, etc.  It sounds to me like in your situation none of these rules will work to keep out the two year old, and I think that his parents will be offended to see other small children there.  So invite him but find out what specifically your Future In-Laws are worried about – that he’ll interrupt the ceremony?  Get a babysitter for that hour to watch all kids under 5 in a separate room, or get assurances from the cousin that she’ll take him out.  That he’ll be a pain during the reception and his mother won’t rein him in?  Ask another member of FI’s family to be the one to round him up and ask his mother to make him behave.  If you can reassure them that you’ve planned for their worries, or if you just don’t share their worries, then they don’t have to think he’s “ruining” your wedding and it’s their fault for inviting the cousin. 

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Ok, so all of the little ones belong to the wedding party right?  Are those kids invited simply out of convenience for them, or do you really want the kids there?  If it’s just a convenience, I’d say if you can have a babysitting room, try to set that up.  THen no little kids will be wandering around.  Also, if you set your age limit at something like 12, the you don’t have to invite any of the cousin’s children. 

 

Post # 8
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with the other bees. Unless you have a set of rules in place about children, then I don’t think you can invite some children and not others in the same family. Can you tell your Future In-Laws that you are worried about hurting the cousin’s feelings or causing hard feelings within the extended family?

Post # 9
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I still think that “is a handful” doesn’t trump “will hurt their feelings”.  Can you express this to your FILs?  One thing you could try is inviting them all but saying gently to the cousin that it might be difficult for the toddler to sit through the ceremony and if they want to leave him home with a babysitter you will totally understand. 

Post # 10
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can see why you wouldn’t want the two year old there.  Maybe you can address it to the family and Future Mother-In-Law talk to them and ask to leave the baby at home.  Say you are only having children under 5 that are in the wedding party.

Post # 11
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

OK so what im gonna say is completely different to everyone else advice but after getting alot of stick from various family members over the entirity of my wedding i have taken the – if i dont want you there, you are not coming approach!

I know most people have an age limit etc however if you family is anythig like mine i have cousins that are 13 who are just nightmares and i know will cause havoc and other friends where i know full well their 2 year old will sit quietly with mum throughout the wedding.

So, my opinion is if you dont want to invite them, dont invite them.  Dont forget this is your day and most of your family and friends will be happy that you have invited them and will arrange something for their children if they want to celebrate with you.

The other option, is dont invite them all to the ceremony and tell the parents the children are more than welcome to come and join in the evening celebrations.

Post # 12
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We are having an adult only wedding EXCEPT for my Fiance brothers’ children and my nephew. I think its a bit rude to be selective of which guests children can attend. Its like saying flat out that you think their kid is a brat and sticking a halo on the others…I say all or none, with a preference for NONE… The kids don’t really want to be there anyway and the parents want to have fun without being nagged. I spread the word early so that people would know they needed to make arrangments for their children. No one has had a problem with it so far (crossing fingers). good luck!

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would say if you invite one kid you should invite them all, but that’s just me.

Post # 14
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m having a “no outside kid” wedding.  Unfortunately, my FI’s sisters both have kids, one’s even pregnant right now, so I can’t NOT have them bring their kids, but I have expressed to my guests that I do not want any children there, period.  Most of them completely understand and agree.  Alot of them said that they hadn’t planned on bringing their kids anyway.  *WHEW!*

I would love to have a line on my invitations that says:

“Children brought to the wedding will be sold into slavery” lol

So, for us, unless they’re family – NO KIDS!

Post # 15
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m with the majority on this one–a hard and fast rule is probably the best way to go.

You *can* get away with a rule that’s like, “no kids under 10 except for those in the wedding,” but just know that when you slice and dice like this with kids you are setting yourself up for a headache.

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