Is it ok to invite some guests without save the dates?

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

We only sent save the dates to guests that would have to travel and then the local guests just got the regular invitation.  Sending save the dates to everyone just seemed like a waste of time and money. 

I think it is fine to send save the dates to certain guests only, but I’m not a stickler for old fashioned rules anyway. 

Post # 3
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

We’re not sending Save the Dates. From what I gather, it seems to be a newer trend anyway (at least I never heard of them where I’m from when I was younger). No one in my family ever sent them before the last few years.

We’re telling our traveling guests via word of the mouth and will be sending along our wedding website with hotel block information. We’ll also be sending our invites a bit earlier than average (about 4 months out instead of the normal 2-3 months).

Post # 5
Member
4817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

livdvs89 :  You might just have to accept that it is too late to invite them then. When is your wedding and when would your cut off be for inviting them?  Inviting people late when they have to travel a significant amount either comes across as rude for not giving them adequate time or like a B list invite. 

Post # 7
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

Save the date is not necessary.  But you do need to let everyone know especially the folks who live far and have to make arrangements.  Text, email, a phone call would be just fine.  My first marriage was many years ago and “Save the date” was not even the thing nor the cell phone.  We let everyone know through phone calls and they got the message and saved the date on their calendar.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
4108 posts
Honey bee

It’s absolutely fine.  Save the dates are optional.  And in fact I am against them as a whole except for circumstances where the guest will have to make significant travel arrangements and your closest VIPs.  (And also phone calls or emails accomplish the exact same thing.)

All a save the date is is a heads up with a promise of future invitation.  But once you send one, you’re locked into inviting them.  I’ve seen a lot of people get burned by sending save the dates to everyone and then relationships change or they didn’t have their budget locked down and are trying to cut people to save costs, etc.  For the average person, the amount of time an invitation gives is sufficient – there is no reason to call dibs 16 months out.  And even with advance notice there is no guarantee people will schedule their life around it anyway.  There will always be declines for various reasons.

Post # 9
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I don’t see any issue with it at all. My brother and his fiance didn’t do save the dates but they did send the invitations to out of province guests several months before the local ones. 

I really can’t see anyone being upset about this. 

Post # 10
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think anyone will be upset. I think save the dates are unnecessary. If you know the wedding date, and younknow you want someone to come, and you think they need that advance notice, just send the invite lol. 

I also really don’t think people will be sitting around comparing the date they recieved their wedding invite 🙂

Post # 11
Member
464 posts
Helper bee

I didnt send save the dates at all, just alerted a couple of people early where they would have to make travel plans, so I don’t see any issue. And I agree, no one talks about when they received save the dates or invitations. 

Post # 12
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

It’s fine.  We sent save the dates to VIPs who would have to travel but not to anyone else.

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