Post # 1
I’m trying to come up with a list for my Maid/Matron of Honor to go off of and there are quite a few people that I would like to have at my bachelorette that are not on my shower/wedding guest list.
I’m not expecting gifts at a bachelorette so I’m not worried about coming off as just looking for gifts. Is it bad form to have people out for the bachelorette that are not going to be invited to the wedding?
Post # 3
I’ve read several times that it is okay to invite someone to the bachelorette party who is not invited to the wedding, but I don’t think the intent was for the bride to do so. For example, if your Maid/Matron of Honor wants to invite her best friend or roommate to the party, then by all means, that is acceptable because it’s just a fun night out. But I myself wouldn’t want to provide a list of women to invite for my sake….if they’re mutual friends of the other ladies attending, then I think it would be okay.
Post # 4
i wouldn’t think it would be appropriate to do that. i personally would assume that if i were invited to the shower and/or bachelorette party, that i would reasonably be invited to the wedding. it’s not decent practice to solicit gifts from people (bridal shower) without inviting them to the actual event. i think there would be some hurt feelings. tread lightly on that note.
Post # 6
Think about how you’d feel if the situation was reversed and you were the guest invited to a bachelorette party but not the wedding.
If it happened to me, I would feel used. Like I was fun for a night on the town, but not close enough to get invited to the wedding.
So, yes – I vote: bad form.
Post # 7
My friends threw my bachelorette party this weekend and invited a bunch of girls from our graduate program that aren’t invited to the wedding. We have a lot of parties in our program where everyone is invited, so I don’t think it was a big deal. Some of them did get me gifts (unexpectedly) but there was no gift request on the invitation.
Post # 8
I don’t think you should invite them.
But now I’m curious–
Why would you consider someone close enough to invite them to the b-party, but not close enough to have invited them to the wedding?
Post # 9
Nope… anyone invited to ANY part of planning parties or gatherings (including prep days) should be invited to the wedding.
I didn’t even talk about the wedding with people who weren’t invited.
Post # 10
Thank you all for your input. I was leaning towards not inviting anyone who was not initially on the wedding guest list.
There are a few people that have asked me about my bachelorette that are not invited to the wedding. Let me rephrase, they asked if they were invited to the wedding and I graciously (hopefully) explained the venue constraints and they understood. I thought he matter was settled until they proceeded to ask when the bachelorette was.
My Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s are taking care of the festivities, I am eternally grateful by the way. As I no longer drink I wasnt expecting anything. I still don’t know what is happening, I was just asked for a list of people. After much consideration, I will be giving them my list of ladies invited to the wedding and hope for the best.
If I get asked again I will refer whomever is making the inquiry to my Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s. That seems to be the best and most polite way to handle it. Thanks again to you all!
Post # 11
Good point. A couple of FB friends that asked me about it actually. I wasnt even sure that I was getting a bachelorette so when they asked I was caught off guard. I wouldnt consider them “close” recently reconnected is more like it. My Fiance and decided that any friends we hadnt spoken to or spent time with in under a year would not be invited and that those that asked would be explained the venue restrictions.
@runsyellowlites: How did you get around that? I try not to bring it up around people I know are not invited or involved but every once in a while a co worker or friend will ask how plans are coming along or something along those lines. I try to answer as politely as concisely as possible but it’s difficult not to get excited. It must have been torture not to be able to discuss your plans. More power to you!
@oracle: I have been invited out for bachelorette but not the wedding, not necessarily by the bride though, so I see where you are coming from. I’m inclined to agree about it being bad form.
Post # 12
I think it’s ok within reason. My sister brought a friend along for part of mine after checking with me if it was ok. Another Bridesmaid or Best Man who had to travel also brought a friend who I didn’t even know, but we all had a great time. I invited one person who wasn’t invited to the wedding, a coworker who started working 2 weeks before the party, but way after the wedding invites went out. When I handed her the invitation I said something about it being a chance to get to know some of the girls better, she came and seemed like she had a good time.
Post # 13
I’ve been the person invited to the bachelorette but not the wedding, and it was fine. I had just met the bride a few months earlier and the bachelorette was local, but she didn’t have the financial means to add more people to the guest list-it was a great party.
Post # 14
I am. I know most people say it is rude but thing is is i have a lot of friends that will just assume they are coming to the bachelorette. We dont have a crazy budget for our wedding so we have to be super careful about our numbers. I have made up little cards (with the hepl of a bee!) that will be handed out at the end of a bridal event. Some people who are coming to the wedding will just get a thank you for coming and others will get the following inside a card. The will be sealed so no one will know who is or isnt coming till they get home and open there own card. So you can see the service is open to all who with to cheer us on 🙂 but the reception (which is the costly event) is private.
Thing is is that i have friends that i have known for years but we arnt close…just FB friends now haha but they want to join in the excitment. I would never assume to be invited to THEIR wedding (more so after planning mine and seeing the cost!) but would still love to help celebrate this step….how better then to “get down with my bad side” and party it up! haha There are different types of friends….some are longtime invite to everything cant see them not there friends and some are party, dance, drink, laugh and then the night is over….some are both!
My random brain thought: Its like when you started going to the bar, you had bar friends…who you would never trust to actaully get you home lol and friends friends who you would wake up the next morning and look at and laugh.
Post # 15
I think it’s fine to do this, as long as the person being invited is aware/okay with the fact that they are only being invited to the fun night out and not everything else. There were actually a few people who I allowed my girls to invite to the bachelorette who were friends of guests that happened to be local to where we were partying, so why not include them?
And there was a separate group of girls who I invited only to the bachelorette and not the shower, but they were also invited to the wedding. I did this because I think it’s a pain in the you know what to attend and buy a gift for showers, but the bach night is fun! So I would rather have them come out adn get crazy with me than commit an entire Sunday to traveling for my shower.
Post # 16
My bachelorette party is going to be where I went to college. Thus, I have some old friends who are going to join us, but they’re not invited to the wedding. I guess my situation is a little different because of that but I think it’s okay. Especially like you said that you already informed people that you have a venue constraint for the amount of people you invite to your actual wedding — perfect excuse! 🙂
I also agree that sometimes there are tagalongs for bachelorette parties…my sister is going to bring a friend, another bridesmaid will have a roommate with her…the more the merrier as long as no one is getting kicked out of anywhere 🙂