(Closed) Is it ok to invite work colleagues but not their partners?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cuddlz88: 

 

It really depends. Are you ok with them possibly not showing up because they are invited alone? Just throwing that out there as a possibility. 

 

I’m inviting 4 of my coworkers and including a +1 option out of courtesy. I’ve never met their spouses either but I figured they might be more comfortable if they have a loved one with them. It’s their choice. 

 

Post # 4
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If it were me personally and I got an invite to the wedding of a coworker and my spouse wasn’t invited, I probably wouldn’t go.  

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley

@cuddlz88:  I would invite their partners, especially if they are married or in a committed relationship. 

Post # 6
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You need to invite spouses/partners/etc. 

Post # 7
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We invited coworkers and we included partners/fiances/long-term SOs for all of them. If my husband was invited to a colleague’s wedding without me, he would probably be a little confused, if not offended. Just because you don’t know their husbands doesn’t make them less of a social unit. It’s up to them if they want to make it a girls’ night or not, but I wouldn’t presume it.

Post # 8
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You need to invite them too.

Post # 9
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yeah…you really should invite the husbands/SOs, they are a unit.  Not only would I be irritated if I was invited to a co-workers wedding, but my husband wasn’t, but I definetly wouldn’t go.

Post # 10
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would not go if my SO/FI/DH wasnt invited. It would not be more fun for someone to determine it would be a “girls thing.” I see the “girls” every day at work so that wouldnt be exciting for me.

Post # 11
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think that’s ok. Think you need to invite spouses.

Post # 12
Member
467 posts
Helper bee

Yea, I’m going to second everyone else.  You need to invite the SOs.  People will be offended if you don’t invite long term partners.  Either invite coworkers and SOs or don’t invite coworkers.  Half the fun of weddings is getting up on the dance floor and enjoying a nice dance. 

Post # 13
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@cuddlz88:  I would decline without giving it another thought. And while nobody can make you invite the spouses, this is just you trying to fool yourself into thinking it’s acceptable not to: “I figure they will have more fun just being ‘the girls’ anyway“. If they would have more fun without the guys, then they’d leave the guys home by their own choice. You’re not doing them a favor by taking away the choice.

Post # 14
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Social Units are anyone married, engaged, and/or living together (I also consider just being IN a relationship part of this, but that is me, and I won’t force that on anyone) and they need to be invited as such. It is in terribly poor taste to invite your co-workers and not their husbands/SOs. You cannot just assume they would want it to be a “girl’s night”, as they’d likely want to spend their time as they please, not as you deem fit. Just because you haven’t met their SOs doesn’t mean anything. You’ll likely not spend more than 10 minutes talking to your co-workers anyway.

 

If I were invited to a wedding without Fiance I would not go, even if I knew every single person at the wedding. I would send a card, but no money and no gift. When you chose not to invite social units you MUST expect people to decline because of it.

 

Post # 15
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I know the etiquette says if someone is married or in a serious relationship you are supposed to extend the invite to the partner. BUT, I went against this for our wedding for a couple reasons. 1) there were a few co-workers I really wanted there but didn’t have the room on the list for their sposes also. 2) I knew they would have their husbands stay home with the kids and save on paying a sitter.

So I just chatted with them privately before I sent out the invites to just them. I was right and they were happy to leave hubby at home with the kids and come hang with the gals. The guys usually hate weddings anyway LOL I say if you talk to them 1st and see how they feel about it then it’s not a problem.

Post # 16
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

Not inviting them is nothing less than rude.  It isn’t about a fun girls night out. It’s a wedding, they are a social unit and it doesn’t matter if you know their partner.  They need to be invited.

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