Post # 1
is it ok to tell your immediate family when they are allowed to be there? (I don’t want my family there while I’m in labor or for 2 hours after… they are very over whelming)
Is it ok to say only this number of people are allowed in the room at one time? (my immediate family is.. dad, stepmom, mom 4 sisters and 1 brother plus husbands brother. 2 sisters, neice and mom. and as stated before they are very overwhelming and since this is our first most of them will be there RIGHT AWAY)
Did you have someone who you wanted to me LO before someone else? (I think its important for my mom to meet LO before my step mom but feelings will get hurt.. I’m my mothers only daughter and stepmom has 3 other daughters, so I want this to be special for my mom)
Is it ok to say that no pictures are allowed to be on facebook? I want to control pictures that are on facebook and if everyone else is uploading them I can’t control who sees them and I can’t delete them.
I seriously stay up at night worried about this stuff, because my family is very overwhelming, sensitive and very messy!
Post # 3
I would wait to tell family that you are at the hospital until baby is here. That way you can call your mom and have her come over and then call the rest of the family. If you are loosing sleep over this maybe you need to talk to them and have a “plan” for at the hospital when baby come or just don’t have visitors until you get home.
One other option would be to enlist your nurse to limit the number of visitors and how long they visit.
Post # 4
You are the mom! You are in charge! You can make whatever rules you want. Think of this as your very first parenting decision.
Post # 5
It is absolutely FINE to have rules about who can be in the delivery/recovery room & when/for how long. In fact I would strongly RECOMMEND writing out a ‘plan’ or guidelines (like you’ve done here) and go over it with the Nurses in the Mat ward/the head nurse @ the mat station/desk to ensure that your wishes are respected. As an adult, patient and private citizen it is the hospitals duty to ensure that your medical care is not made public or privvy to pushy family members. make sure your delivery partner KNOWS your desires, and is stubborn enough not to waffle under the families pressure. If they aren’t a forceful person think about looking for a doula or advocate (can be a really close friend or professional) who will be your champion and keep people in check with what you want.
Childbirth is stressful enough, you don’t need family and friends overwhelming you throughout.If this is already stressing you out, make a plan and follow through, ease your mind!
I don’t have a great relationship with my mother, and as such, I informed the mat nurses that I did not want ANYONE in the delivery room with me except my partner. Period. Due to the shift change and the complete incompetence of the nurses staffed at that particular hospital, guess who was present for my hard labor and delivery? Yup mommy[notso]dearest. It still pisses me off today [5 years later].
Post # 6
As for the facebook thing.. well maybe have a fmaily meeting and say ‘look, I love facebook as much as the rest of you, but I don’t want any pictures of the baby up there. Those are private, FAMILY pictures, not for the internet’
explain how facebook TOS basically = FB OWNING all data stored on each ‘profile’ including pictures. So even if the picswere to be deleted FB still ‘owns’ them, still has them in the data banks and can still regurgitate them onto the internet at any time.
Make your delivery room/recovery room a camera free zone. you could even make a funny/snarky/passive aggressive sign that says ‘no flash photography’ and tape it to the door 😛
Post # 7
They wont know you are in labor until you tell them so if you dont want them to come until after the birth, just wait til you feel comfortable and then call them in the order that you would like them to come. Although I dont understand why it would be less special for your mom if your step mom happens to get there first and sees the baby first.
Post # 8
Major yes to all those!! If you don;t feel up to explaining the first two to your family members (I understand how it is with a big, sensitive, crazy family), you can have the hospital do it. They do that stuff all the time.
Post # 9
I would wait to tell them that you’re in labor like others have said.
Most hopsitals will automatically limit how many people you have in the room to start.
You can also use the doctor and nurses to your advantage. If you communicate to a doctor or nurse that you only want “x” amount of people around they will kick people out for you. They will stick to your birthing plan and then you don’t have to stress over telling people to leave.
My sister really wanted me to be the first one to hold my niece after her and her husband. So I was the only one allowed in the room with her during birth. She told everyone that she just wanted a special moment between her and her hubby but wanted it on video so she asked me to stay in. It worked out well for her and everyone understood.
Good luck with the fb thing. I think people will put up pics regardless.
Post # 10
I agree with the others that perhaps you better not call people until after baby comes. If you can trust them not to just show up, I suppose you could call and say, hey, I’m going to the hospital now, I will call you after the baby has come and I am ready for visitors. If you think family is going to insist on live updates or coming to hospital right away you’re probably best off waiting to call them. You can have the nurses refuse to give out information such as where your room is and refuse visitors, but I think just calling when you’re ready is the better plan.
As far as Facebook goes, I would tell people right now you do not want baby pictures posted to Facebook. Make sure only people you trust have the ability to take pictures, because once they leave, they’re kind of on the honor system as far as respecting your wishes.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone.. It sounds like I’ll be induced if baby hasn’t come on her own by week 39 (I’m curently 37w2d) so do I just act like nothing is going on when I know perfectly well when I’m going to the hospital..? I think my dad/stepmom would be upset if I didn’t tell them so they could get things organized so they can come visit.(restaurant owners)… and they’d be especially upset if they found out I told my mom when I was getting induced… its a very sticky situation and its so hard to please everyone, but just this once I’d like things to go my way.
@bells: since my mom and Dad/stepmom don’t get along… (15 years after the divorce) its a competition of who gets to do what… and when they get to do it. It’s been this way my entire life.. It’s a pretty complicated situation.
Post # 12
If you get induced it can be a pretty long process depending on how things go. I would either tell them, that it could take days and you wil update them when to come or not tell them (any of them) until you want them to come.
I really think you need to set some limits with your family before all of this goes down. You are the parent and you are the one givining birth. Tell them what you are comfortable with and they can put the big girl panties on and deal with it:)
Post # 13
First of all STOP STRESSING OVER THIS.
1. Yes, it is okay to tell immediate fam when they are allowed to be there, however you must be careful that this doesn’t come off as rude. I love all babies, especially the ones I am related too. When someone in your family becomes pregnant everyone is excited, waiting, and praying for you. They simply want to share in the moment.
But if you don’t want all of them their and want to make that moment special with your mother… when you are heading to the hospital JUST KEEP IT BETWEEN YOU & YOUR HUSBAND. It honestly, sounds like you don’t want them their waiting around anyway… so why call them? Wait until you are crowning or have given birth and call your mother.. (tell her not to tell anyone just get to the hospital) then you can share with the others… this way it won’t come off as rude. You were just a woman in labor calling her mother.. nothing wrong with that.
2.Yes, you can tell the nurse I only want XXX amount of people in at time, but it may be better to get them all in their crowded (this is how my family is, but I love it….) seeing the baby and loving on the baby and you. Then when it isn’t enough room to move about or sit down, it won’t take poeple as long to leave. If you do it the other way you could have guest all day long 3 and 4 at a time. Sure you don’t want that.
3. Yeah, I havent’ had babies yet, but I do want my husband and I to meet our bundle of joy first and have him to ourselves for a while… then, I want our mothers and fathers and grandparents to come in…. then everybody!!! Or maybe just everybody at one time. Either way my mother may be in the room with me already. 🙂
4. Yes, just tell them at your next family function…. bring up baby talk (won’t be hard) and say. I don’t want any pics of our baby on facebook…. yada yada yada…. they should respect your thoughts.
AND STOP WORRYING… it will be great!
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
@dj: Does your hospital have rules on visitors? Mine only allowed 3 at a time, but they only enforced it if you wanted them to. So, it was told to the families, but if you wanted more visitors they let you so long as your blood pressure stays ok. Also, you can close your facebook wall so nobody can post on your wall or comment on your photos, or tag you. I chose to do that a few days prior to my induction, then lifted it later that night when I posted her first pic and announcement.
I think you’re totally normal in making all these requests. Labor and delivery has changed a lot from the “old days”, it’s more focused on keeping the mama and baby safe and happy. So whatever you need, ask for it! There’s nothing “diva-ish” about that
Post # 15
I just told people, “I think I’m going to be here for hours, I’ll let you know when you can visit, it’s going to be after I take a shower”-and that was that! Our hospital had a three person limit too, so maybe try and find out about that.
Post # 16
It is perfectly acceptable to make rules!! You have to make yourself and your baby comfortable. If you dont want them there then they dont have to be there. You can even say Im sorry but I would prefer only immediate family to visit us in the hospital. That way its less people and less pass the baby around. People were mad at me, but I didnt let a lot of people hold our newborn when we were still in the hospital, and Fiance a few times made people leave, because baby and I needed our rest. It can get overwhelming just make sure someone is there for you and on your side like Fiance and my mom were for me!! Make sure that you dont have to deal with all of it. You by then will have went through enough and will be tired etc.