(Closed) Is it ok to specify “+ one” rule on website?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I would say clarify the information on the envelope if you are inviting someone with their SO if you know their name of for those friends that you are extending the offer to bring a guest. I wouldn’t put it on your guests to guess if you know their date or not and also so that you and solidify numbers. If someone RSVPs with a guest that was not invited with one, you can always give them a call and explain the situation.

Post # 4
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Your rule seems broad and vague.  What if I know people but I just wouldn’t be comfortable alone?? What if my SO would resent not being invited?  Maybe set up a new free e-mail adress and put it on the website specifically for +1 questions?  Then you can make decisions on each individual which is what you seem to be doing…I think that is the best way.  You have a very inclusive +1 rule! 

Post # 5
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I would not put this rule on your website or anywhere else. It would just invite questioning of you and your decisions and might ruffle some feathers or appear in poor taste. I would include a link to email you or call you on the website if people have questions about RSVPing and whether they are allowed a guest. Then you can address those situations on a case-by-case basis.

Post # 6
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m a little confused as to how you will be addressing the envelopes if you aren’t going to list names.  Are you only going to put the name of the person who is your friend?  I think you would save yourself a lot of hassle if you could get the names of the SOs in advance and put them in the address (unless there is some reason this isn’t possible, but I’m not understanding why from your post). 

Something similar may not work for you, but we’re doing an online save the date and asking guests to register their addresses and communication preferences on our website.  We’re building our own forms and using an online DB service, but in the form we include a space for the name of your SO.  This way we’ll have them when we address the actual invitations, and it’ll eliminate the +1 problem b/c we’ll address them to each SO specifically.  We do plan to allow non SO guests for our Bridal Party, but since the ones who are single will be flying in I don’t really think they’ll want the cost and hassle of inviting anyone.  Since I’ve been with my Fiance my friends have usually just emailed me to ask me the correct spelling of his name before addressing the invites…but in all cases he was listed explicitly on the invite.  

Post # 7
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh, and I suspect you’d know in advance who won’t know anyone else, so can you just write "and guest" on their cards?

Post # 8
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree that you should make it self explanatory right on the envelope.

If Jane is invited alone, the envelope says, "Ms. Jane Doe"

If she gets a +1 is says, "Ms. Jane Doe and Bob Smith" or "Ms. Jane Doe and Guest"

I think if you start printing rules, people are going to question them.  It safer, simpler, and perfectly polite to just make it clear on the envelope.

Post # 9
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with the others.  I don’t think it’s a matter of good/poor ettiquite, I think it’s a matter of what is actually going to work logistically (and not have you pulling your hair out).  You don’t need people scrutinizing your +1 rule or having to guess who is invited.

Find a way to address the invites to each individual.  I’m sure there is some crazy ettiquite reason that inner envelopes are used…feel free to inform me.  But if it were me I would either put the guests names on the outer (mailing) envelope or on the actual invite.  If you are printing these yourself either option is easy with a simple mail merge. 

The purpose of the invitation is to give people important information – such as WHO is invited – so I think you’d better spell it out.

 

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

We didn’t do anything beyond putting the names of those invited right on the outer (we had no inner!) envelope.  None of the "x seats reserved" or anything like that.  All in all it was fine.  We had only one person who brought someone not officially invited -one relative decided to swap out a cousin for a family friend, and we just let it be.  to the extent you know someone is in a relationship but don’t know the full name of their SO, just try to get the name in advance so you can put in on the envelope!

I think the website idea would be opening a whole can of worms that isn’t worth it.  If you have issues, I would just deal with them on a case-by-case basis. 

Post # 12
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I agree that you should go with your consensus of what we said (leave the envelope addressed with the names, hope people get it, and don’t clarify on the website). I mean, people are still a little dense sometimes, but the kind of person who’s not going to get it is still going to call you up asking about their guest, website clarification or not! 🙂 

Post # 13
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Ah!  Thanks for the clarification.  In that case I would say it is self explanitory.  If you recieve a RSVP card back from someone with a 2 (or 3, or 4!) when they were invited as a 1 I’d just do a quick phone call to clear up the misunderstanding. 

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