(Closed) is it okay for me to be uncomfortable about this

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think there should be a level of trust there between you two. However, one thing that struck me was that you say you can’t hang out with his friends because they don’t really like you…yet he still hangs out with these girls that he doesn’t claim to like very much. So, if he winds up hanging out with girls he doesn’t like, why can’t his friends tolerate you no matter what their feelings are towards you?

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why is it that his friends don’t like you?  Is it because you haven’t really had any time out with them?  I think that sometimes you should go out with his group of friends (and maybe their girlfriends) in order to get to know them.

Post # 5
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am sorry to say this doesn’t sound good.

2010bride2bee makes a good point. Also how can he be friends with people who don’t like you?

Something smells fishy here.

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it should be ok for him to forbid you to hang out with his friends because “they don’t like you.” I’m not saying you should come along every time, ESPECIALLY if there are girls around. Because the only valid excuse not to bring you would be a boy’s night out. And it doesn’t sound like that’s what they’re doing.

So I would focus on your relationship with his friends. Talk to him about why they don’t like you and see what you can figure out. I think you should all be able to hang out, and I would definitely not put up with being told that I can’t ever come along.

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Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Are his friends at least respectful of your relationship? What would concern me about this is the fact that his guy friends don’t like you-I feel like that *can* create a whole different environment around other girls if they aren’t necessarily supportive of their friend’s relationship (particularly if the other guys are single).

Post # 8
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Go with your gut, that’s the best advice I can give you.  If something smells like a duck, and quacks like a duck… it’s a duck.

Post # 9
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I would not be okay with this, to be honest. Has your Fiance talked to you about why his friends don’t like you? My advice is to explain to him how this makes you feel and have a serious talk with him about what’s going on!

Post # 10
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Maybe these girls are friends of friends? Your boyfriend doesn’t invite them, but they are there when he hangs out with his actual friends. It sounds like there’s more going on here for you:

Are any of these the real issue for you?

  • You don’t trust your boyfriend?
  • You feel left out?
  • You are hurt that his friends don’t like you?
  • You feel jealous?
  • Your feel threatened by these girls?
  • You don’t trust these girls?

I am wary of anything along the lines of “I trust my boyfriend but I don’t trust these girls”—that’s amounts to not trusting your boyfriend. If you trust him, then he can hang out with these people without you being there to supervise. But probably there are some other issues here that are definitely worth talking about.

<div id=”_mcePaste” style=”overflow: hidden; position: absolute; left: -10000px; top: 56px; width: 1px; height: 1px;”>That said, you either trust your boyfriend or you don’t. If you trust him, then he can hang out with these people without you being there to supervise.

Post # 11
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Do his friends REALLY not like you? or is it something he says? Sometimes guys will do that to keep their SO from hanging with him and his friends. And does he REALLY not like the girls? or is he just saying that…i just dont like how he is playing these cards…maybe you can explain further as to why his friends dont like you? and why he would be hanging out with girls he doesnt like? this situation sounds fishy to me…

Post # 12
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be really uncomfortable, too. This doesn’t strike me as “okay”. If he’s hanging out with girls he doesn’t like, his friends should extend the same favor to you.

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, it’s OK.  Is it possible that if his friends really don’t like you, they are wanting him to hang out with these girls to break you up?  Are you sure they don’t like you?  Sounds like some stuff needs to be talked about and ironed out.

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d want to know why his friends don’t like you…that’d bug me. I’d have to know what it was.

Post # 15
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe try to put the ball in his court by telling him that you’d really like another chance to hang out with his friends because you feel like the first time didn’t leave them with a good idea of who you are. Make it sound like your concern is with wanting him to be happy by phrasing it like “It’s not fair to you to be torn between your friends and me, I want to get to know them and for them to get to know me because we’re all important in your life.” I mean, it doesn’t have to be exactly that but something to that effect could really get the point across that you care about his friendships without making him think that you don’t trust him.

I too hate when my SO hangs out with girls. It’s not that I don’t trust him or that I don’t trust the girls. I trust my SO entirely, I just don’t think that spending tons of time with another girl (or girls) is cool. He has a female friend from work who he got pretty close to at one point and she did not like me at all. She just preferred that I wasn’t around. She was really immature and I guess by me being around when she and my SO were hanging out diverted some of his attention from her to me. He finally realized that I wasn’t being crazy when I said I didn’t like her and stopped hanging out with her outside of work. So, yes, I say that it’s totally okay for you to feel uncomfortable.

Let us know how it works out. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I have to agree with mechie. Follow your intuition! If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

I trust my Fiance wholeheartedly, but if he were to tell me a scenario like the one you described we’d be having words. The fact that you aren’t allowed to hang out with them is really odd…

My Fiance hangs out with his buddies a lot without me (even when I’m in town, we’re in an LDR), but if I were to ever ask to tag along I know I’d be welcome. haha I just don’t want to cramp his style & look like an uncool, controlling FI.

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