(Closed) Is it okay for parents to do this?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Do you think that's okay?

    No way! Not even for a minute.

    It depends

    I do it all the time

  • Post # 46
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee

    I don’t have children but something like this strikes me as a huge “no-no” in the majority of situations. You’re not supposed to leave your dog in the car, why the heck would you do that to your kid(s)?! 

    Post # 47
    Member
    7749 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

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    mrspereira:  Actually, it is those who didn’t survive that you never hear from, so it is easy to think “they al survived.” But just like carseats save lives, so do laws about never leaving a child unattended in a car. 

    I look at it this way. Think about where you would leave a $100 bill unattended. Would you leave one in your car if the care was unlocked? What about if you locked the car? Would you leave that $100 bill on the dashboard unattended? Probably not. A child is worth a million of those $100 bills (and more), and yet people think that it’s fine to leave them for “just a minute.” It isn’t. A child should never, ever be left alone in an unattended vehicle, even for just a few minutes. NEVER.

    Post # 48
    Member
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My son was about 2 1/2. We were driving in a quiet commercial neighborhood when I saw a piece of wood I wanted for a project.

    I left him secured in his child seat with the car doors locked and ran to get the wood, just a few steps out of sight of the car.

    As I walked back toward the car, I spyed my son walk around the corner of a building where my car was parked, on a sidewalk but with an 18 wheeler speeding along adjacent to where he was walking. To this day, I have never figured out how he got out of that car.

    As he saw me, he began walking toward me, away from the direction of the truck.

    I had literally NEVER in my life been as terrified as I was in that moment. Although FreeRange Parenting states that there are no laws in my state governing leaving a child unattended in a car, the fact is that decisions about “abandoning” are left to the discretion of local police.

    I would never leave a child unattended in a car again. I can remember feeling my breath stop when I saw my son walking toward me.

    Post # 49
    Member
    7806 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

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    MelissainNC:  I’m not responding based upon parenting styles. Please understand that while you feel you are stating facts about the law you are stating your opinion about how other states interpret their laws. In my state/area the “unlawful to leave a child unattended” is what the police act upon, and all the conditions about risk or potential harm listed after that in the statute are left up to the courts and the parents’ attorneys. As in after a parent has been arrested and after the child/children is/are removed from the parents’ care. I’ve seen it happen, in real life. 

    My children are older now and this is no longer an issue for me. The only reason I responded to your post in the first place was because I was concerned that someone would make a choice based upon misinformation. Parents should know the laws regarding such issues in their states; for those of us in states where leaving a child unattended in a car is not acceptable it’s not worth testing the law over the details. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    882 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I see why a lot of parents do it out of convenience bc it must take awhile to get the kids out and then back in for just like one thing. Other than maybe running into the gas station to pay cash or get something though, when I have kids I will not leave them in the car bc of the sick fucks in the world 

    Post # 51
    Member
    5081 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Interestingly enough, DH was just telling me the other day about how a coworker of his was recently arrested for leaving his kid unattended in the car when he ran into a convenience store for a minute. The kid was sleeping, strapped into his carseat with the AC running, but the lady in front of him in line called the cops and he was arrested and had to be investigated, home visits and everything. I don’t think anything came of it, as the guy was not abusing or neglecting his kid, but it’s still a huge inconvenience and a major stressor. 

    Not saying I agree, I don’t personally have any issue with leaving a kid in the car for a minute to pay for gas or something, but I probably wouldn’t just because of people who think they’re being good samaritans calling the cops whenever they see a kid in a car.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1294 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I’m always afraid that if I leave my kid in the car, I’ll be held hostage and kept in the store for hours. Just because you intend to just be a minute doesn’t mean you will be. But it really depends on the kid whether I would do it or not. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017 - Brakefield at River Walk

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    MelissainNC:  Okay, I’ll take your word on it being legal and the cops not being smart, as there is a lot of dumb cops in Rock Hill, but still, there is no way I PERSONALLY would leave my 2 year old in the car alone. I PERSONALLY don’t feel safe doing it, no matter if it is LEGAL or not. Like I said, my 2 year old knows how to unbuckle his carseat and ALSO knows how to unlock the doors.. it being legal has nothing to do with it being safe.

    Post # 54
    Member
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    MelissainNC: If you say it is legal, you’d be correct. If I say it’s illegal, I’d be correct. Why? Geography. Where I live it’s illegal. I don’t know about the laws where you live and I don’t really care because they don’t apply to me.

    Now getting the “legalities” out of the way…I got stuck on this statement you made: “Just wait until their kids are in their 20s and can’t figure out how to be independent, or are too scared to take any risks.”

    Are you suggesting that just because a parent doesn’t feel comfortable leaving their children in a car alone, the kids can’t learn to be independent? If so then this is where you are 100% wrong. My parents never leaft me in the car alone. I haven’t taken a cent off them since I was 16, graduated at 17, put myself through a private college with no government debts, bought my home at 19 and own my own car (fully paid for by me). I think that makes me fairly independent. As for the scared to take risks part, I jumped off the highest diving platform at my local swimming pool at 8 years of age (this thing is pretty high, grown men are even afraid to jump off it), I’m into extreme sports, love skydiving, and as stated earlier, took a huge risk putting all of my savings into and purchasing a property at 19.

    My point is, you reposted the “WORST THING EVER” part from a PP, in a sense saying people are being too dramatic and making a big deal out of it, but then you go onto say “It’s just sad”. A tad hypocritical don’t you think? You don’t believe leavng a child in a car is harmful to them and I don’t believe not doing so is harmful to them. Let’s all just agree to disagree.

    Also, just because a police officer sees you do something and doesn’t react doesn’t mean anything. Jaywalking is very much illegal where I am from yet people jaywalk right in front of the local police station in full view of officers and not once have I seen someone arrested. Sometimes they turn a blind eye to certain things. It’s purely up to their discretion.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1341 posts
    Bumble bee

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    thepinkflamingo:  is that also when paying for petrol? I was going to come on here and say no way, never but then the petrol thing hit me. I don’t think I have ever seen someone take a baby out of the car and carry them into a shell or bP. As a parent to be it’s really got me thinking as I really hadn’t considered this before. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    3163 posts
    Sugar bee

    Well, my mum would be appalled if I was to ever do this so, God rest her soul, so I’m going to go with “not ok”. But I wouldn’t judge parents who are just trying to do their best day in day out. Parenting is hard (from what I can see)

    Post # 57
    Member
    2251 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I would never do that.  To many crazy a- holes in the world to risk the chance.  Plus i don’t want to go to jail for something like that!  (It’s a crime in the U.S. )

    Post # 59
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

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    Sukii:  Yep, I am saying that if a parent feels like they can’t walk 50 yards from their car to the cashier to pay for gas because their eyes might be taken off their children for….what 2 or 3 minutes?, then they are over-reacting.  That is, in fact, exactly what I’m saying, repeatedly, in this thread.

    Let’s be clear about something else:  at no point in any of my posts have I said that it’s okay to leave your kids alone for long periods of time in your car.  I would never leave my kds in the car while I go into Target or Toys R Us.  I have repeatedly referenced only convenience stations, paying for gas, and grabbing a Coke.  Things that take literally only a couple of minutes.  But the responses to my posts have said that it’s too dangerous to even do that – that the world is too dangerous to take your eyes off your kid for literally 2 or 3 minutes, lest the kid get abducted per all the terrible stories people believe they have heard.  

    (And by the way, I do not believe that all of these people on this board have never done it. They can say that they “never” leave their kids alone in the car, but I honestly do not believe for a second that they have never paid for gas without taking their kid out of the car to go pay. Even when the kid is asleep?  Even at their neighborhood gas station, where they feel perfectly safe, in the middle of the day? Nope, I’m not buying it.  Nor do I believe the PP who claims to have talked to “several” cops about this very subject and been told that it’s illegal…in a state where it is not illegal.  It’s a convenient anecdote to try to make a point, but does not pass the smell test.)

     Having said that, yep, I am also saying that if, in fact, a parent believes that the world is such a dangerous place that they can’t go pay for gas without having their precious snowflake in their arms, then they are a helicopter parent. And further, yep, I am saying that helicopter parents raise children who grow up unable to take risks necessary to truly thrive, unable to make decisions independently, unable to fully accept responsibility for their own actions. This is actually very well documented – it is not merely my opinion.  But in order to understand this, people first have to be willing to learn the facts without emotional knee-jerk over-reactions, and clearly, as this thread demostrates, many people are simply not interested in facts.

    And the hyperbole in this thread would be hilarious if it weren’t so sad. Posters saying that a kid can die of heat stroke after only a few minutes? Ummm….. no. Kids die of heat stroke after hours in the car. Again, we’re talking about paying for gas for God’s sake.  Another poster saying that she’s against helipcopter parenting, but you can’t turn your back on your kid for a moment or else she’ll end up dead in a ditch.  Yea, that’s actually the very definition of helicopter parening.  

    So, yep, you all are right – you have a right to your opinions, and I cannot change them.  Go ahead and believe whatever you want to believe.  But what you believe is not consistent with the facts.  And I  have a right to point out the facts as well.

     

    Post # 60
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

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    tagerosan:  You might want to actually read the thread before commenting.  In 47 or 48 states in the US, it is not a crime.  We have covered this already.

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