(Closed) Is it okay to be selfish?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s not selfish to want to get married. There are a lot of logical and pragmatic reasons to want to get married.

This link presents some statistics on the odds of a relationship ending, cohabiting vs. married. The difference is statistically significant. I can’t find too much more on this issue (though I’d love to–economists, get to work!) but it would seem that getting married gives your relationship a better foundation for success.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/cohabitation-issues-that-affect-intimacy/all/1/

This article raises some issues about correlation/causation, but the result is still that children of married parents have a much better chance of success–something to keep in mind if you plan to have children:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1267383/Why-children-thrive-married-parents.html

I’d say if the two of you are committed to one another, and it sounds like you are, there doesn’t seem to be a good reason to NOT get married. If you two don’t want a ceremony, you can go to the courthouse or elope and use it as an excuse for a vacation :)I think it’s only “selfish” if you do it primarily to get new jewelry and a princess day, or to keep up with the Joneses. But that doesn’t sound like that’s at all true in your case. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something that will confer benefits on both of you.

Post # 4
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No you’re not selfish – your feelings are completely normal.  Have you guys talked about marriage and a timeline yet?

Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@awolfpaw:  I think we might be twins haha! I’ve been with my SO for 3 years and I know we’re soulmates. At the same time I still feel like a waiting impatient bride-to-be. I was fine before the topic came up, never thought about it, but now that i was bitten by the bride bug I can’t stop! It is such an emotional struggle with knowing we’re committed but then still wanting to get married soon. Overall I don’t think it’s selfish it’s natural to want those things (i should take my own advice haha) but I know how you can feel that way! Thank goodness for the bee, i love it here! Welcome 🙂

Post # 7
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@raye9289:  !!! I got the bride bug too! I was with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for almost 3 years too without ever talking about it and the BAM I want it. 

What sucks is that for some reason we can’t just want to get married without “the” reasons. Personally, if we’re committed to our BF’s and know we’re going to get to married eventually anyway, what’s so bad about wanting the wedding? It’s like a party to celebrate your relationship. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

@awolfpawNo one calls you selfish when you celebrate your birthday. So why would you be selfish for celebrating the birth of your relationship? Your birthday is official, so should be your relationship (for those who want that). 

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