Post # 1
Im new here and have been reading a lot of post about waiting. Ive been waiting ver 4.5 years. The general theme, though, in most of these posts is worrying about commitment: does he love me? does he wanna spend his life with me? In my relationship, I dont have that. My SO left a job for me so we could move 6 states away and I could have th job of my dreams. There was never any discussion: I got the call for the job and he said “lets go!”. So, I know the commitment is there. I know he loves me. But I still find myself having these “waiting feelings”. I want to get married even though Im not worried about commitment. I mean, I do everything I can to make this man happy, why cant he do the same for me??? Does this make me selfish? Because thats how I feel sometimes…selfish for wanting this and being upset inside knowing that I dont have that and ahve no idea when it will happen. I keep trying to tell myself that marriage is just a piece of paper and love is the important thing…but I still feel upset and then selfish. UGH!
Post # 3
It’s not selfish to want to get married. There are a lot of logical and pragmatic reasons to want to get married.
This link presents some statistics on the odds of a relationship ending, cohabiting vs. married. The difference is statistically significant. I can’t find too much more on this issue (though I’d love to–economists, get to work!) but it would seem that getting married gives your relationship a better foundation for success.
This article raises some issues about correlation/causation, but the result is still that children of married parents have a much better chance of success–something to keep in mind if you plan to have children:
I’d say if the two of you are committed to one another, and it sounds like you are, there doesn’t seem to be a good reason to NOT get married. If you two don’t want a ceremony, you can go to the courthouse or elope and use it as an excuse for a vacation :)I think it’s only “selfish” if you do it primarily to get new jewelry and a princess day, or to keep up with the Joneses. But that doesn’t sound like that’s at all true in your case. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something that will confer benefits on both of you.
Post # 4
No you’re not selfish – your feelings are completely normal. Have you guys talked about marriage and a timeline yet?
Post # 5
@MrsWBS: We talk a bit about it. The issue is he is 1.) superstitious. He doesnt want to talk about it too much because he feels it will jinx it. I KNOW, it is silly, but it is his personailty. He also wears the same red sox cap that he bought at fenway the year they one the world series EVERY GAME. also he 2.) wants it to be a surprise. Like in the movies. Ive talked to other couples who discussed time lines because, in this day and age, getting married is an emotional AND financial commitment that needs to be made together. When I talked to him about this idea, he got sad and explained that while this is semi-mature, he said he would rather give me “perfect” and “surprises”. I did get him to say it wouldnt be like….5 more years. so yay? haha!
@EffieTrinket: There are many reasons why I want to get married. The obvious ones like love and the stuff you said about foundations for the future. Another one would be the health insurance. my SOs health insurance is awful, while mine is very good. He has been having back issues and keeps having to fight to get his insurance to cover simple things like xrays. In the back of my head I keep thinking “well, if we were married…you could have MY insurance, and we wouldnt have this issue”. Also, we may move again for my job, and he would lose his insurance. this would be an easy fix if we were spouse instead of gf/bf.
we are also getting to that point were money is getting confusing. We are fair and split most everything, but its hard when you are two halves of a whole. You know what I mean?
and there is a tiny part of me that wants all that froo-froo, princess stuff…but its WAAAY down on the bottom of my list. must be the girl in me talking 😛
Post # 6
@awolfpaw: I think we might be twins haha! I’ve been with my SO for 3 years and I know we’re soulmates. At the same time I still feel like a waiting impatient bride-to-be. I was fine before the topic came up, never thought about it, but now that i was bitten by the bride bug I can’t stop! It is such an emotional struggle with knowing we’re committed but then still wanting to get married soon. Overall I don’t think it’s selfish it’s natural to want those things (i should take my own advice haha) but I know how you can feel that way! Thank goodness for the bee, i love it here! Welcome 🙂
Post # 7
@raye9289: !!! I got the bride bug too! I was with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for almost 3 years too without ever talking about it and the BAM I want it.
What sucks is that for some reason we can’t just want to get married without “the” reasons. Personally, if we’re committed to our BF’s and know we’re going to get to married eventually anyway, what’s so bad about wanting the wedding? It’s like a party to celebrate your relationship. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
@awolfpaw: No one calls you selfish when you celebrate your birthday. So why would you be selfish for celebrating the birth of your relationship? Your birthday is official, so should be your relationship (for those who want that).