Is it okay to change engagement ring?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1353 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand how you feel and the second one is definitely lovely!  You should sit down with your fiance and have a good heart-to-heart talk.  Tell him while you love and appreciate the effort he went to to propose to you and you can’t wait to marry him, you just don’t know if the ring you have is your style and the one you want to wear forever.  I know he might feel upset and that’s understandable even if he agrees with you as it’s what he picked out, whether it’s right for you or not, so you have to be understanding too.  He might be sad that you want to change it, but ultimately, I’m sure he wants you to be happy.

Post # 17
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

Is it possible he *did* pick it out intentionally because he thought it looked beautiful and is embarrassed to admit that since you so clearly don’t like it? TBH it’s not a style I like either and doesn’t fit the ‘traditional’ engagement ring look.

Or maybe he was really unaware how much diamonds cost and got major sticker shock looking at solitaires so he went with a cluster? Having plenty of money doesnt necessarily translate to spending lots of money on something that seems (and lets be honest, is) wildly overpriced.

Either way I think you’re in the right to ask for it to be exchanged, especially if you are willing to bear the cost. Be kind to his ego, offer to go together to pick one out. Or perhaps see about wearing this ring throughout the engagement and getting a bridal set to wear after you are married.

Post # 18
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

FWIW, I get it.  Especially looking at what you told him you wante vs. what you got.  There’s nothing wrong with clusters but it’s like moissanite or gemstone e-rings in that the person recieving it has to be 100% on board for it to be ok because it’s definitely not the traditional e-ring style.  Whatever his reasons were, he’s just being too proud to admit he did wrong.  I would maybe just let things cool off for a while and see if the ring grows on you.  If you still feel the same way in a couple months or so, I would bring it up again.  I don’t think you’re being greedy, the ring you liked is pretty modest.

Post # 19
Member
2644 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Nicole6 :  I would recommend going to walmart or somewhere and getting a cheap ring in the style you’re considering so yiu can trial wear it before investing in an actual upgrade ring, to be sure you aren’t bothered by how much catchier and scratchier that style has the potential to be in comparison to your current ring. I think your ring is beautiful though, and you may be better off just upgrading to a single center stone in the same setting. It looks to me like a talented jeweler could probably fit a princess cut in there is that’s what you really like. There are some really affordable loose diamond of Etsy if you are ok with some inclusions.

Post # 20
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

There is nothing wrong with getting a ring you love, but you and your Fiance need to be on the same page. He needs to be ok with you getting what you like. The issue is that the ring he bought will not have much value to put toward what you want. So, you will be starting new with a new setting and stone. So, you’ll have to agree to a budget.  

Here are some numbers to give you a start.

It looks like you want a tapered cathedral style, four prong setting. The setting should be under $1000. The diamond will depend on size, but you’ll want to look for GIA/AGS certified. You will do much better buying online (James Allen, Brian Gavin, White Flash). Princess cuts are a bit tricky to select and they come in a few styles, but here are two from Whiteflash (A Cut Above Diamond) that are lively, crips facets:

https://www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/princess-cut-loose-diamond-3773256.htm {$4538}

https://www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/princess-cut-loose-diamond-3520045.htm {$2345}

Setting: https://www.whiteflash.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/legato-sleek-line-solitaire-engagement-ring-728.htm {comes in princess, $848}

{shown below with a .770, E color, VS2, ACA}

Image result for legato sleek princess

 

Post # 21
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t like the first ring, either. I would insist on a different ring!

Post # 22
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly he just spent a chunk of money on you and asked you to be his wife and you’re focused on the ring. I can see why he’s upset. Yes you got a cluster, not what you wanted. He doesn’t seem open to changing it. Maybe he doesn’t want to drop the money you want him to on your e ring. Either way your reasoning “he was thoughtless in picking this” sounds so childish. 

Id be super upset if I saw my fiancée posting something like this on a public forum. Maybe he wasn’t thoughtless and he seriously thought about what he picked for you? Maybe he did put thought into it and he’s really hurt that you don’t like it? 

Post # 23
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Yeah the ring he picked is pretty bad…and since you are the one who has to wear it every day, you should absolutely love it. If he refuses to get you a new ring, I suggest you wear the one he gave you on your right hand and buy yourself a moissanite to wear on your left. 

Post # 24
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Honestly the type of ring he got you is to a very specific taste and it’s not mine. 

Try to talk to him rationally about this rather than just bringing up cost 

Post # 25
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Regardless of the cost of the ring, you told/showed him the style of ring you liked. You also pointed out the one you don’t like. And he deliberately bought the one you said you didn’t like. I’d be mad too! I would also be mad if he chose it because he personally liked it more. It’s a gift. And when picking out a gift, you consider what the receiver of said gift would like.

 

The one you picked is beautiful. The ring he gave you…yeah I’d be pissed too

Post # 26
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

The first ring actually gives me goosebumps in the bad way, sadly. I would recommend discussing with him and explain to him nicely about why you didn’t like the ring and emphasize to him that it isn’t about the cost of the ring.

Communication is key!

Post # 27
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

FutureMrsBex :  he chose the one you didn’t like, the the cheapest one. He is now baulking/ acting hurt because he knows that you know why he bought it. Bottom line is you have to wear it forever, it scratches your hand, it’s ugly, it’s cheap. Get the one you want. He should have done that in the first place. . Does he cheap out on you in other ways?

Post # 28
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

thesoontobemrsv :  That’s all true, but the OP also said that when they were looking at rings she pointed out the cluster as one she did not like. Then he bought it. I’d be more upset that he didn’t listen, and completely went against her tastes to save money. He could have found middle ground. 

Post # 29
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

A friend of mine who got engaged a few years ago was given a cluster engagement ring that she wasn’t fond of.  But she knew he didn’t know anything about jewelry so she let it slide.  Last year she took the ring into a jeweller and got him to replace the centre stones with a solitaire.  It’s been almost a year and he still hasn’t noticed the change.  Point is that when the time is ready, upgrade.  But you might feel differently by then and learn to love your ring.

Post # 30
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Yeah, it sounds like he wasn’t really listening when you told him what you liked and didn’t, bought the one you didn’t like (maybe he just remembered you pointed it out, not what you said about it?), and is doubling down and acting hurt that you don’t like it. I would ask him why he chose that ring after you specifically told him it wasn’t your taste. If he was just going to pick one out for you regardless of your preferences, why did he bother bringing you along to look at rings at all?

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