(Closed) Is it okay to do this? Maybe I’m just really worried…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

NO, that’s not rude. You can’t base your wedding around someone else who happens to be getting married. I think as long as you don’t pick the weekend before their wedding, you’re fine. You have to do what you and your families need to do. Maybe just communicate with her personally your reasoning for picking this date so that she doesn’t think you’re doing it to steal her thunder.

Post # 4
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

Some people get bent out of shape about this kind of thing, but the truth of the matter is that you get one day.  She gets one day.  Not a week, a month, or a year to claim ownership over.  Where your wedding days fall in relation to each other is not something you can worry about as long as you’re not, say, intentionally having your wedding the same day at hers when you have some of the same guests. 

A good friend of mine got engaged a month after me…. and she was set on a short engagement, so she got married an entire year before our wedding will be (almost to the day!).  I was surprised at first at how quickly she was planning everything, but it never crossed my mind to be upset or annoyed and I was genuinely happy for her.  Fast was good for her…. slow was good for us.  Do what works for you, but maybe just let her hear it from you and not someone else so she knows that you’re simply doing what works best for you and your fiance.

Congrats, and good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Unless you are planning your wedding a month before hers just to beat her to the altar, she’s got no reason to be upset.  That’s not to say that she won’t be, but it would be unreasonable.  You plan your wedding based on your schedule, your FI’s schedule, and what works best for your families.  Usually that doesn’t give you leeway to have it just any old time.  If you do get asked any questions, just explain the reasons for your choice.  And that will happen whether or not someone else is getting married soon after you – we have had multiple guests quiz us on how we picked our date (mostly the ones who it doesn’t work for).

Post # 6
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

Will she be annoyed? Maybe. Is that your problem? Nope!

The world doesn’t revolve around any of us or our weddings. You, your fiance and your families need to decide based on your needs and wishes first and foremost. 

Post # 7
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

As long as you don’t pick the same weekend, have at it! I have to say, however, that the same thing happened to my mom when she got married- they got engaged, and then my uncle annouced that they were engaged and getting married about 1.5 months before my mom and dad did. Now, my mom and dad weren’t able to make it (California to Wisconsin), because they were saving up for the wedding- so at least be considerate for long distance guests (especially with the current price of gas and airfare!). I say, give people more than enough notice, so they can buy plane tickets ahead of time (maybe earlier than is customary), so they can get the best day.

REMEMBER: it’s about celebrating LOVE! If some people can’t make it, so be it. What matters is that you and your fiance are there, not anyone else. Echoing what other people have said: the world doesn’t evolve around weddings!!

Post # 8
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

don’t worry at all!  when you share your date, if she gets bent out of shape, just explain that it was the timing that worked out best between your families.  if she doesn’t understand that, then there isn’t much you can do except wait for her to either get over it or not. 

with so many people getting married, no one can claim a monopoly on dates! 

Post # 9
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Do you guys share a lot of friends in common?  Do your friends live far away?

If the answer to both questions is yes, then some people may have to choose between attending one of your weddings.  If that’s the case, then scheduling your wedding before her’s might be seen as rude.

If not, then you should be all clear!

Post # 10
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

One of my bridesmaids got engaged 6 months after I did and is having her ‘official banquet’ (she eloped but is now having the big party) the month before I will be getting married.  Do I mind?  Nope.  It’s what works with her schedule and in the end, I’m just happy that my good friend is with someone she loves.  If for some reason, you do think your friend will be annoyed, talk to her… but bottom line, even if she’s annoyed, would you really change your date? 

Post # 11
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Congratulations!  I agree with the others that it isn’t, or at the very least shouldn’t be an issue at all with this friend of yours.  Personally though, I would make sure that you tell her personally before you let her hear about it through the grape vine and just let her know why etc.  I think that often people get bent out of shape when they feel like their ideas are being stolen so I would just make sure that you don’t step on toes by picking the exact same reception site, color palette and dress!  Otherwise just have fun planning!

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