Post # 1
My fiance and I definitely want a kid-friendly wedding, especially since he has a daughter who will be 4 at the time. The 8 kids on our guest list at this point are all directly related to us. One my bridesmaids has two kids, but I’m thinking she and her hubby will probably want to get a babysitter. None of our other friends have kids.
Then this morning my fiance informed me that his best man’s girlfriend (of about 3 months) is planning to bring her two kids, ages 3 and 5. Our wedding is in August, and I kinda doubt that they will still even be together at that point. But regardless, I really don’t love the idea of inviting two more kids who I don’t know, have never met, and are not related to us. But my fiance seems to be horrified that I want to tell his best man’s girlfriend that she can’t bring her kids. He said his best man already assumes that the kids can come.
Our guest list (trying to keep it around 100) is already pretty tight, and we have had to exclude a few people that I would have liked to include. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not invite these two kids, but now I already feel like I’m going to be upsetting/disappointing people. 🙁
What do you all think?
Post # 3
I think if you are allowing some kids at your wedding, it is a little insensitive to tell others that they must get a babysitter. Kids (especially only 3 and 5 yrs old) do not add that much cost, and aren’t really the same as having two extra adults on your guest list.
I would say just let her bring her kids. I am inviting all of my best man’s and maid of honor’s family members (parents & siblings — they currently do not have a SO). I think since it is your best man, you could make an exception.
Post # 4
I understand that two kids aren’t going to eat as much as two adults. But we only have a certain number of tables/chairs/etc, so regardless, they still have to count the same as adults on our guest list.
If my bridesmaid decides to bring her children, that would be one thing, and I would be happy to accomodate that. But my fiance and I have never met this other girl, and I just think it’s very presumptuous for her and the best man to assume that her kids are invited… maybe I’m the only one?!
Post # 5
Kids generally eat off of a kid menu, so two extra kids aren’t going to break the budget. And while you may be tight on space, I’m willing to be you won’t be at max capacity, even with the extra two kids. I think since you are letting others bring their kids it would be a very big slap in the face to tell anyone that they can’t bring their kids as well. You may want to double check with your Bridesmaid or Best Man as well to be sure they will be getting a sitter. She’s already paying for a dress and other Bridal Party related stuff, she and her hubby may want the kids there! You really won’t notice them (with 100 other people to worry about) and maybe you could just set up a special kid area where they can all play together. Would you be really upset if there were four kids there not related to you? (Your BM’s kids and your GM’s GF’s kids?)
Post # 6
Actually, there’s a very good chance we WILL be at max capacity, which is why I’m extra-concerned about this. We’re already pushing the list beyond what we said our “upper limit” was!
As I said, if my Bridesmaid or Best Man chooses to bring her kids, I’m fine with that. She’s my best friend and I spend a lot of time around her kids. But I know that her Mother-In-Law often likes to watch them when they have “dates” and things like that, so I was just thinking she’d probably want a nice evening with just her hubby instead of bringing them.
My concern is: Including the children of someone I’ve never met, but having to exclude other friends who are much more important to us in order to have space for them.
Post # 7
Unfortunately, this is a big etiquette no-no. I understand that you’d rather have “your best friend from math class in college” sitting at a seat than “random child of Girlfriend of Groomsmen that I’ve never met” but if you’re inviting the Groomsmen, then he should get a +1, and if you’re having a kid-friendly reception, then it’s more like a +family. I think that you have to extend the invite to the kids. But hopefully you’ll receive a few more declines than you expect, and you’ll be ok on space.
Kind of a separate, but related, question: Are you inviting exactly the max capacity of your venue? You can always create an A and B list, so when you receive some declines you can invite more people.
Post # 8
Just to clarify, the excluded potential guests are not “friends from math class in college.” We have huge families and step-families, so our guest list is currently limited to close relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, first cousins) and a few very close friends.
And I wouldn’t have a problem adding +family to the GM’s invite IF this was actually his family. It’s not. It’s his most recent girlfriend (she is actually still married to her kids’ father) who he may or may not even be dating 5 months from now. Personally, if I were in her shoes, I would never plan on taking my kids to the wedding of a couple I had never met because it just seems inappropriate. But that’s just me…
Post # 9
If the Girlfriend is local to your wedding and could easily find a babysitter or leave the kids with their dad then I think you should talk to the best man about this. He can talk to his girlfriend. If they’re coming from Out of Town I can understand her wanting to bring her kids and not leave them with an unknown babysitter.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I actually think it’s okay to invite some kids and not others, especially if most of the kids that you are inviting are in your family. Especially if they are local and unrelated, I think it is fine to request that they find a babysitter. If it is really a problem, you could even offer to help them find a babysitter, or provide one in a nearby location. I do not think you are under any obligation to have these kids at your wedding.
Post # 12
i think it will be weird to only invite some kids… i have never heard of a wedding that have some kids preferences… explain the situation to the best man but i think that you should make the extra space and invite the kids
Post # 13
We are only inviting children related to us. I don’t think it’s all that different than having a “living together or engaged” rule for +1s. I don’t know if we are unique in the Fiance has an adopted 5 year old sister so we couldn’t really exclude all kids but if that hadn’t been the case we would have had an adult only reception.
Post # 14
I had a “some kids welcome some kids not” policy. My nephew (who was our ring bearer) and my little cousin (flower girl) were invited. All other children were not invited. HOWEVER, even only inviting some kids, people brought their children regardless. We ended up with about 15 kids at our wedding even though we only officially invited 2. Also I have worked extensively with children for several years, and I understand weddings are boring for kids. Also, we were having an open bar and I just didn’t want to have to worry about parents being irresponsible and driving their children home drunk 🙁
Post # 15
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not extending the invite to kids who you aren’t close to or related to!
I’d just tell the best man that your bridesmaid isn’t bringing her kids either & that the only kids invited are family. Seriously, his gf has balls. I don’t understand why people want to bring their kids anyway… its a night away from your kids where you just get to enjoy yourselves & be a couple!
Post # 16
Can you clarify one thing for me? Is this gal coming simply as the (plus 1) for the GM? OR was she being invited on her own? I don’t think in any way, that inviting children of family and friends should automatically extend to a guest’s plus one’s children. If that’s the situation, I am 100% with you.
As a general etiquette rule, it’s that you shouldn’t invite some of your nieces and nephews, but not others. Or some of your friends’ kids/ little cousins (etc.), but not others. However, personally, I think it’s acceptable to invite very closely related children to you, but not extend it to others. (Ie. inviting all of your nieces and nephews, but no children of friends etc.)