(Closed) Is it okay to limit the number of kids that are invited?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think if you are allowing some kids at your wedding, it is a little insensitive to tell others that they must get a babysitter. Kids (especially only 3 and 5 yrs old) do not add that much cost, and aren’t really the same as having two extra adults on your guest list.

I would say just let her bring her kids. I am inviting all of my best man’s and maid of honor’s family members (parents & siblings — they currently do not have a SO). I think since it is your best man, you could make an exception.

Post # 5
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Kids generally eat off of a kid menu, so two extra kids aren’t going to break the budget.  And while you may be tight on space, I’m willing to be you won’t be at max capacity, even with the extra two kids.  I think since you are letting others bring their kids it would be a very big slap in the face to tell anyone that they can’t bring their kids as well.  You may want to double check with your Bridesmaid or Best Man as well to be sure they will be getting a sitter.  She’s already paying for a dress and other Bridal Party related stuff, she and her hubby may want the kids there!  You really won’t notice them (with 100 other people to worry about) and maybe you could just set up a special kid area where they can all play together.  Would you be really upset if there were four kids there not related to you?  (Your BM’s kids and your GM’s GF’s kids?)

Post # 7
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Unfortunately, this is a big etiquette no-no.  I understand that you’d rather have “your best friend from math class in college” sitting at a seat than “random child of Girlfriend of Groomsmen that I’ve never met” but if you’re inviting the Groomsmen, then he should get a +1, and if you’re having a kid-friendly reception, then it’s more like a +family.  I think that you have to extend the invite to the kids.  But hopefully you’ll receive a few more declines than you expect, and you’ll be ok on space.

Kind of a separate, but related, question: Are you inviting exactly the max capacity of your venue?  You can always create an A and B list, so when you receive some declines you can invite more people.

Post # 9
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If the Girlfriend is local to your wedding and could easily find a babysitter or leave the kids with their dad then I think you should talk to the best man about this. He can talk to his girlfriend. If they’re coming from Out of Town I can understand her wanting to bring her kids and not leave them with an unknown babysitter.

Post # 11
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I actually think it’s okay to invite some kids and not others, especially if most of the kids that you are inviting are in your family.  Especially if they are local and unrelated, I think it is fine to request that they find a babysitter.  If it is really a problem, you could even offer to help them find a babysitter, or provide one in a nearby location.  I do not think you are under any obligation to have these kids at your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i think it will be weird to only invite some kids… i have never heard of a wedding that have some kids preferences… explain the situation to the best man but i think that you should make the extra space and invite the kids

Post # 13
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We are only inviting children related to us.  I don’t think it’s all that different than having a “living together or engaged” rule for +1s.  I don’t know if we are unique in the Fiance has an adopted 5 year old sister so we couldn’t really exclude all kids but if that hadn’t been the case we would have had an adult only reception.

Post # 14
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2004

I had a “some kids welcome some kids not” policy. My nephew (who was our ring bearer) and my little cousin (flower girl) were invited. All other children were not invited. HOWEVER, even only inviting some kids, people brought their children regardless. We ended up with about 15 kids at our wedding even though we only officially invited 2.  Also I have worked extensively with children for several years, and I understand weddings are boring for kids. Also, we were having an open bar and I just didn’t want to have to worry about parents being irresponsible and driving their children home drunk 🙁

Post # 15
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not extending the invite to kids who you aren’t close to or related to! 

I’d just tell the best man that your bridesmaid isn’t bringing her kids either & that the only kids invited are family. Seriously, his gf has balls. I don’t understand why people want to bring their kids anyway… its a night away from your kids where you just get to enjoy yourselves & be a couple!

Post # 16
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Can you clarify one thing for me?  Is this gal coming simply as the (plus 1) for the GM?  OR was she being invited on her own?  I don’t think in any way, that inviting children of family and friends should automatically extend to a guest’s plus one’s children.  If that’s the situation, I am 100% with you.

As a general etiquette rule, it’s that you shouldn’t invite some of your nieces and nephews, but not others.  Or some of your friends’ kids/ little cousins (etc.), but not others.  However, personally, I think it’s acceptable to invite very closely related children to you, but not extend it to others.  (Ie. inviting all of your nieces and nephews, but no children of friends etc.)

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