(Closed) Is it okay to meet a married ex?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Is he hiding it from his wife?  Is she uncomfortable with the friendship between the two of you?  Are there residual feelings between the two of you that could possibly escalate into an innapropriate relationship? If so..then I’d say it’s wrong & you should stop seeing him…

Post # 4
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

If he’s mentioning rekindling your romance, I don’t think you should be seeing him at all. If it was platonic on both ends, I feel like it would be no big deal…as long as your SO and his wife were comfortable with it. But if he wants something more? That’s a slippery slope and I wouldn’t want any of that karma. 

Post # 5
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@Aquababes:  No, the only reason married men stray outside of their marriages is not just for sex.

If you were his wife, how would you feel about his coffee chats?  If you can honestly answer that everything is on the up and up, and you’re not discussing things that are inappropriate for a married man to be discussing with another woman, then it’s probably ok.  If you’re having very intimate chats, and he’s doing things llike touching your hand on the table (or more), then it probably is impacting his marriage.

Post # 7
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Aquababes:  It’s a bit tricky because even without any physical touching on intimate chats, it can still be emotional cheating on his part. You really wouldn’t have a way of knowing 100%, but if he’s sharing things with you that he doesn’t fully share with his wife or coming to you for help and validation over everyday type problems, that’s a big deal. Of course these are also things friends talk about, but if he sees you as the first and/or primary person with whom he discusses such things, it’s taking away from his relationship with his wife.

Again, there’s no way you can know 100% without getting him wired or something. That’s what makes it so tricky on your part. He said he wanted to rekindle the romance, and you mentioned that you were best friends before dating. Maybe this is his way of doing it. 

Post # 8
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think this is a very slippery slope, considering he has also let on that he’s unhappy in his marriage and wants to rekindle things with you. I’d stay far away from this. I know you think just because you’re not sleeping with him, it’s safe. That’s not necessarily the case. There’s such things as emotional infidelity/affairs. Your friendship could be impacting his marriage more than you realize.

ETA: Just saw your update about his wife not knowing. Uh, major red flag here. That’s just not right. If this was simply a platonic friendship, there’s absolutely no reason to hide it from his wife.

Post # 9
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think the minute he mentioned rekindling your romance it became inappropriate.  Regardless of whether he is happy or not, that was disrespectful to his wife.  I wouldn’t feel comfortable meeting up with some that I’ve shared a romantic past with knowing that he is having those thoughts.

Post # 10
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Aquababes:  Just saw your update. It’s a big red flag that his wife does not know these meetings are going on. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine how you would feel if you found out your husband was “secretly” meeting with an ex-gf once a week. Sure it may be innocent, but in the back of your head you would wonder why the need for secrecy. Also, if she is insecure about his relationship with you, he is being incredibly disrespectful by not only pursuing a closer friendship with you but also keeping it from her.

*Robot voice* Red alert. Red alert.

Post # 12
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Aquababes:  Imagine her finding out though.. I mean she would be devastated.. Even if it is all innocent, the fact that he’s hiding it would automatically make her jump to every conclusion.  If the friendship is very important to you both, maybe all three of you should get together and develop a friendship that way?  Otherwise..big red flags in my opinion.  

I would never ever want my man to do that to me (it’s been done to me in the past-it hurts).  

Post # 14
Member
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Aquababes:  imo, if he is keeping this from his wife, then he knows his intentions are wrong.  it may be just an innocent coffee on your side but he has told you that he wants to rekindle the relationship.  how do you feel about that?

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