Post # 1
So I’ve decided that I don’t want presents from Darling Husband for my birthday/Valentines/Christmas. I really can buy anything I’d like and I just dislike getting presents honestly. He thinks I’m being mean spirited, but I don’t think so. I’d be okay with a weekend trip away or some kind of events/activities/tickets instead, but I just don’t want actual gifts.
He honestly gets me really crummy gifts that make me disappointed once I open them and then he’s disappointed that I don’t like the gifts (he likes to make the gifts himself).
Am I wrong and should just suck it up and accept gifts? I just want to move away from the gift aspect of birthdays and holidays (at least between Darling Husband and I).
Post # 3
We don’t do gifts with eachother. I don’t really see the point since we know where the money is coming from.
Post # 4
Yes!! That’s kinda my point too- we have the same money!
Post # 5
Last Christmas my Fiance and I talked about this. While we’d gotten each other gifts for previous b-days, holidays, etc., the Christmas holiday last year was just so hectic, and he has a large family. Each of them buys each of them a gift, so we had a ton of shopping to do. It’s their tradition. In the midst of all that I asked him if we could forego getting each other anything as a “surprise,” but just take each other shopping for whatever we wanted instead. I knew I wanted a certain perfume and some clothes. To my surprise and happiness, he agreed! So we had a very fun time shopping for each other after finishing with the obligatory family purchases.
We decided then and there that we would keep that as our tradition from now on instead of trying to please each other (and possibly failing) with surprise gifts. We get the best of both worlds – still get what we want/need and spend a fun time together doing it. He said I was the best girlfriend in the world for coming up with that one, lol. (We got engaged a month later, totally unrelated to that, of course).
We still get little surprises for each other now and then, and Valentine’s Day was huge for us, with mainly me coming out on the good end of that one, he showered me with flowers, gifts, candy, etc., and also cooked a wonderful meal. I got myself some lingerie as a gift for him, hehe.
So I agree, whatever works for each couple – you don’t have to follow anyone else’s rules or traditions when it comes to gift-giving, just make your own.
Post # 6
@PinkMagnolia: To answer your question – No, you’re not wrong at all for wanting to do this. Also, I have to hear this – what have been some of his “home made” gifts that you didn’t like, lol?
Post # 7
Mine and I don’t really. We’ll do silly surprises, but if I genuinely want something, he’ll get it for me. And vice versa.
Birthdays and holidays are just “days,” to me. And I’m not religious in the least, so I don’t really take Christmas seriously. Aside from getting my young nieces/nephews pumped up about Santa 🙂
Post # 8
@PinkMagnolia: I am right there with your – we got married in August so this past Christmas was our 1st married one (aka, first x-mas with combined finances). We just didn’t get into gift-giving like we usually used to – I think because the “mystery” behind it all was gone, given we knew where the money was coming from. We decided to get each other one small (less than $50) present, and then go out to eat somewhere nice. Maybe you could try something like that, since your husband still wants to give gift-giving a go?
Heh it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that feels this way!!
Post # 9
We’re more about doing something and having fun, than presents. He always tries to buy me presents (nice ones too) but I would rather go somewhere for drinks and dinner than have a present.
Post # 10
We don’t exchange gifts either! I think a nice dinner, flowers, or a weekend trip would be a great substitute for an actual gift.
Post # 11
We haven’t exchange gifts since our 2nd year of dating for any birthday/holiday. We “save” all of the money we would have spent on gifts during the year and instead take one nice trip together each year. We both have good jobs and anything we want/need, we can just go out and buy ourselves, so we didn’t see a point in having the other person buy it for us. What we really WANT/NEED is a vacation!!!
Every once and a while if I see something I think Darling Husband would like, I buy it for him and surprise him, and he does the same. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion to give a gift.
P.S. This year we’re going to Paris as our “gift”, so I think I made out pretty good!!
Post # 12
I think Darling Husband is more upset because I didn’t want gifts because his are SO bad. I’m embarassed to say this, but I cried after Christmas once. I think it’s more the disapointment and the fact that he doesn’t know what I like, etc.
OK so his bad gifts:
- A blanket he made out of fleece (it was kinda cute he sewed it, but yikes!),
- a handpainted ornament that was all goopy,
- one year he painted all my tools (like hammers, nail gun, screwdrivers, etc) pink.
- one year he took back someone else’s gift (that was broken) and then rebought it for me and wrapped it up! I didn’t think that was a gift AT ALL
- Seashells in a jar that he found on a beach. Except one still had a creature in it and it started stinking SOOO badly. I had to bleach them all. so nasty.
Post # 13
We prefer to do things together for special occasions, like go for dinner or on a weekend trip, rather than exchange gifts. Sometimes we do a large joint gift. We may do a little surprise gift, like my husband might get me new foot lotion with a promise to use it up on foot rubs on me, some earrings I wanted, or I might get him a book or something he was eyeing up, but for the most part we each are particular about what we want, and research it, budget it together, and buy it without a special occasion required.
It all comes from the same place (the money I mean!), we do not see need to wait for special occasions, and we do not like stuff just to get stuff. If we want something it is something very particular we can buy anytime! We still surprise each other with flowers and the like on random dates, or he might come home from work with a new sleeping bag pr something for me, but the big gift exchange thing is mot really something we do anymore.
Post # 14
@PinkMagnolia: OMG, hahaha! Thanks for posting the list. I ssoooo don’t blame you! You are doing the right thing for your marriage. He’ll learn to like your new way, lol. (Poor guy, but really, I can see why you cried!)
Post # 15
Omg those are hilarious/adorable. If its really going to hurt his feelings I’d let him keep at it. Its not like he’s spending a ton of $.
I think its fine not to exchange gifts as long as you both feel the same way. I really like to pick things out for Darling Husband so we still exchange gifts.
Post # 16
Well true, Darling Husband doesn’t spend a lot of money, but he spends a LOT of time on my gifts. For like 2 weeks beforehand he’ll spend every night working on my gifts instead of enjoying the holiday with me (like he misses out on cookie baking for christmas, etc).