Post # 1
Hi bees! I could use some input before I approach my bridesmaids with this.
I’ve found a site that has the color I love with a variety of styles for a great price, and I want to tell them they can each choose any of the dresses they’d like in that color. The thing is, there is only one dress that I’d rather none of them wear, basically because it shows a lot of skin. I feel weird telling my friends to cover up however… it’s not that I’m a prude, but considering that my own dress and all of the other bridesmaid dress options are relatively modest (many are sleek and a bit sexy too, just with less cut outs and plunging neckline than the one I don’t like), I just think that style would be a bit flashy. And as horrible as this sounds (I’m aware), while I want my friends to look and feel their best, and it’s not even about attention being distracted from me or anything, I feel like I’ll be insecure standing next to my hot friends if they’re also wearing a very revealing dress, you know? There is no other setting in which I’d control what my friends wear at all, so it feels weird to me, but on the other hand my two other friends who are getting married this year did have slight modesty requests for us as their bridesmaids too.
Is it appropriate/okay to say “choose any of these dresses you like, except this style”? Or is that crossing a line?
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
I really don’t think it’s out of line at all to say “any dress in this color except this one.” They still have a lot of dresses to choose from and you’re not giving them a laundry list of requirements or saying they have to cover completely up. I don’t think it’s that wild of a request to not bare it all at a wedding.
Post # 3
You are giving them a wide choice, and are entitled to some discretion over the dress in any case. I would just tell them to choose anything in the line but that one, which you personally don’t happen to care for. Please don’t make it about being in competition or your insecurities.
Post # 4
No that’s fine! One of my friends did this she chose like 6 or 7 dresses from a line that we could choose from
Post # 5
I think what I would do is send them what they can choose. I am in a wedding in the fall and the bride sent us maybe 5-6 options saying no more than 2 of us could pick the same. It worked out great! I don’t personally believe there’s any issue with dictating styles- I’m not planning on giving my girls any options, just picking the one I want- but, like I said, saying what they can choose is better received than “you can’t have that one”.
Post # 6
I recommend what PP mentioned and narrow down the ones you like. Pick styles that have different features so your girls can still pick their level of comfort (cap sleeves, strapless, etc). It’s a win win for everyone.
Post # 7
Totally fine. We had matching bridesmaids dresses and the bride was very involved in choosing them. We wanted something we were all at least ok with. You could either give them a big list of options and say “I love all of these, so anything from here is fine!”. You could also just say “I’m not picky about dresses, but I really don’t care for this particular one, so if you avoid it I would really appreciate it”
You’re the bride, you’re allowed to veto one dress
Post # 8
I let my bridesmaids choose their own dresses but I picked the color and told them no poofy dresses (I have a silk ballgown ) I also went with them and had final say on their dresses. One of my bridesmaids was torn between two dresses so we basically picked the dress that I liked best.
So I dont think telling them to choose a dress except one in particular would be a problem. It’s your wedding after all and you are already giving them lots of choice.
Post # 9
I gave my bridesmaids the colour, the fabric, the length and the parameter of no strapless dresses and then let them pick whatever they wanted and it turned out really well actually. We also all went together so I knew what they were picking/helped them out.
I think as long as you’re giving them a choice it’s fine to say ‘not x y z etc’
Post # 10
bluejaybride : Yes, that’s okay. As a general rule, no one should be wearing sexy dresses to weddings. It’s not even about upstaging the bride, it’s about not offending the family. Weddings are often religious ceremonies even if they aren’t in church, and more often there are parents, etc. there. You are totally allowed to draw a line. There are plenty of ways to look and feel beautiful without showing skin. It’s a wedding, not a club.
Post # 11
Agreed with above. You can veto one dress or narrow down your shortlist of favorite styles. Just out of curiosity, is your wedding in a church or affiliated with any religion? If so, you can use that as your “excuse.” We had our wedding at an Episcopal church, and I’ve been to Catholic weddings where the bride was required to have straps on her dress.
If not, no worries! You can always say that you’re going for a certain aesthetic and would like styles to coordinate in a certain way. I think it’s awesome that you’re giving your girls so much choice!
Post # 12
Choose a broad selection of dresses that you believe will work for them and work for you and present that list. It shouldn’t be an issue that the one dress isn’t on that list. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable dancing with your grandfather in it then it’s likely not an appropriate choice for a bridesmaid.
Post # 13
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this at all! It would just look weird if you were all in sleek dresses and then one random bridesmaid is in a slinky little thing lol
Post # 14
bluejaybride : can we see the inappropriate dress? FWIW I don’t think your request is unreasonable or inappropriate, I’m just genuinely curious about what a revealing bridesmaids dress looks like lol
Post # 15
I gave my bridesmaids a choice of two styles that I liked, and that I thought would look good on them. No one complained. In fact, a couple have “worn again” for other events. I’ve been in 37 weddings. On occasion, I’ve had a choice, mostly, it’s been, “wear this dress in this color”. As others have said, give them the choices you like, and the color(s) you want. No need to request modesty, you’re the bride, it’s your day!