(Closed) Is it okay to start planning the wedding even when you aren't really engaged yet

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

Well, it’s a bit strange if you aren’t both on board, but otherwise, plan away.

My SO and I have put down a deposit on our engagement photographer, are collecting quotes from vendors and venues in the area we plan to marry in, and are applying for a fiance visa so he can move to the States with me prior to our wedding (we live in London). We’re both 100% ready and committed, our parents approve (yay!), and we see no reason not to start planning. I consider us engaged even without the ring and fancy proposal because we have clear intentions to marry. The ring will come in due course (namely, when we go to America – hurray for a favorable exchange rate! :D) but even without it, I consider him my fiance. 

If you know that you both want it, better to start early than to leave it to the last minute, right?

Post # 32
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

This is so me… I have been planning for 2 years now,I have finally settled on what would make me and my SO happy now that I know the ring will actually be coming soon after a number of set backs( new car, new house etc.). Now just to wait…and wait…and wait *sigh*

Post # 33
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
alexnbrian:  DH and I started seriously talking about marriage in Nov. Made the decision to get married in Jan. My lease was up in June (not living together until engaged). Wanted to be married in the Fall. So even though we werent official engaged, we had a timeline and I need to get going if I was going to get a good venue. So Jan-Mar I did my initial planning (looking at magazines, websites, collecting cost amounts, etc) By mid-March I had put down the venue deposit and bought the dress (which came in 10 days later LOL). I was getting antsy and kinda pissed. 

DH finally bought the ring and proposed at the end of April. Got married in Oct. 

So it was risky and caused some unnecessary stress, but it had to be done. I can’t imagine the stress I would have been under if I had tried to plan a wedding in only 5-6 months. 

Post # 34
Hostess
8574 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s okay to start looking, but I’d wait to book or purchase anything.

Post # 35
Member
2514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I did.  We (FI and I) even visited venues before he proposed.  We’d chosen our date and our venue before the proposal and the ring.  We hadn’t booked anything yet, but that was just because we were still negotiating with the venue.  

Post # 36
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I don’t see anything wrong with getting ideas and price ranges so you know what to expect. As other PPs have said, I just would recommend against booking any vendors or making any purchases for the wedding until being engaged.

Post # 37
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
alexnbrian:  I def think it is ok and in some ways better to start researching as soon as you think this is the one. Details and unexpected costs can have you making yourself crazy after getting engaged. I think knowing what you can anticpate paying ahead of time will help eliminate the “sticker shock” later 🙂

Post # 38
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Tom\'s Country Place

View original reply
alexnbrian:  totally fine as long as you give him some heads up that you’re looking into things or if you’re not so direct ask him if he’s okay with you beginning to look into things. Feel free to use the justification that it will save you time later when you’re in that stage of having to make decisions and you can make well informed decisions because you had time to research before just deciding. I’m not engaged (although been dating for 7 years and currently living together) and I’ve been crafting. In fact I just finished customized moss flower girl baskets 😉

Post # 39
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My friend did this to the extent that we recieved  pre-printed save the dates and bridal shower invites (customized with their names) three days after she officially got engaged and announced it. I get that they have been together for a while and own a house so I understand having a general plan and ideas prior, but she got a lot of questions for doing it this way and everyone in our friend group thinks it’s really strange and annoying. Mainly because her wedding is now in just a few months (she will be engaged for only 4 months) and over a holiday weekend when a lot of us already had plans/didn’t budget the time, money, vacation days etc that you normally get with more advanced notice. its important to remember your guests needs too when planning! 

Post # 40
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

I like the other bee’s think it’s ok to look into and research things, but don’t book them until it’s official! I am still a waiting bee, but my SO and I have our top 2 venues picked out, I have my dream wedding dress in mind, and the photographer I would like to use! We have thought about a date already, but nothing is set ins tone until it is official!

Post # 41
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

Due to insanely weird circumstances my fiancee and I have done and are doing this. Some people didn’t take it too well when I bought my dress though so aside from a few close friends who understand the situation we’re not telling anybody til it’s official. We already have our date, colors, venue, etc though.

Post # 42
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

As long as you’re not Morello from OITNB, it’s cool. I wouldn’t buy anything just yet but plan away. Let the ideas flow. 

Post # 43
Member
7951 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
uncltredpearl:  that is exactly what I thought of! Haha!

Post # 44
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree that looking and getting ideas is fine. But not booking venues or anything. I know I have a few ideas written down from other weddings I’ve been to this year. 

Post # 45
Member
277 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
alexnbrian:  We’ve talked quite a bit about wedding stuff and are still a few months away from engagement. I like the idea of at least being on the same page because we’re both rather busy people and I want wedding planning to be as stress free as possible. 

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