Post # 1
So I haven’t been on the boards in a lllllllooooonnnnnnggggg time, and I miss it! :o) So I have a question:
Darling Husband and I got married in October and everything has been absolutely amazing. We just celebrated out 5th year together at the beginning of this month, but we have had a few ups and downs financially over the years. Darling Husband was hesitant to TTC, but after talking it over he has crossed over to “let things happen when they’re ment to.” I on the other hand am on the fence of being ready/having the baby itch and being nervous that maybe we should wait a few more months.
My question to the hive is… if Darling Husband is in the mindset of whenever it happens, so be it, is it okay for me to actively TTC? I mean ovulation charts, timing when to have our…sessions and stocking u on POS test? Or is that too much like being shady? I don’t want to trick him, but if he doesn’t care when and I’m ready now…. is that okay? Any input is appreciated.
Post # 3
If you would feel uncomfortable telling him you’re doing any or all of that, then it probably is a little shady and you might want to consider waiting a while.
Post # 4
I think it’s all in how you approach it. If you are sneaky about it, for example hiding your charting, then I think that is a problem. If you are open about the fact that you are charting, though, or using opks or whatever, I think it’s fine.
I chose to go of BCP shortly after we were first married (the pill made me crazy!). I started charting to avoid (did so successfully for almost 3 years) and one thing I learned is that charting is not just for conception! I learned SO much about my body, and by charting I am able to pinpoint pretty exactly when my period with start. This might be reason enough for you to bring it up…?
Post # 5
I think it depends on your age! If you’re in your 30s, I can see really diving in. But if you’re in your 20s? You are going to scare the DAYLIGHTS out of DH!
Men don’t really tend to know the nitty gritty of TTC. I would try it without temping/etc for a few months, first!
Post # 6
I do think it’s a little shady if you don’t talk to him about the steps you are taking. If he is leaning toward “let things happen as they happen”, and you are actively taking steps to MAKE them happen, you aren’t on the same page! Get on the same page, and then TTC 🙂
Post # 7
You guys are right. I REALLY don’t want to catch him off guard because this is supposed to be a happy time fore us and I KNOW he will be estactic when we do get a BFP. But until he is more on board I think I’ll just leave it alone. :o) I can be patient. I’m in my mid 20s and Darling Husband is at the end of his. We’re in no rush.
But I’ve got to figure something out to handle this darn baby itch!!! lol.
Post # 8
I alos feel like I should state for the record that we are currently NTNTC. I don’t really want the hive thinking I’m trying to trick my hubby.
Post # 9
Personally, I’d just have fun with it for a few months before you start getting into the hardcore TTC stuff (charting, OPKs). I’d feel weird doing all of that behind DH’s back if I knew he wanted to try a more laidback approach.
Post # 10
@MrsDiddles: Definitely didn’t think you were trying to trick him! You didn’t come off that way at all 🙂 But seriously, I feel your paaaain about the baby rabies… My Fiance has the attitude of “if we were to get pregnant, it would be awesome, but we aren’t ready to start actively TTC yet”…. and I KNOW I need to finish school first (done this December), but man, baby fever is killing me!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@MrsDiddles: get a puppy in the meantime! 🙂
Post # 12
You guys need to talk about whether that is ok for you two. It isn’t up to us what will be ok to him. Only he knows that.
Post # 13
@MrsDiddles: I’m confused. He’s ok with NTNP, you think you should wait a few more months… but you want to chart and do the whole shebang?
I think you should just TTC the good ole fashioned way for a few months. Who knows – you might get pregnant.
I don’t really get the hardcore approach to TTC… it sounds very stressful to me. I would only start doing all that if it was like a year without me getting pregnant.
Post # 14
I think it really depends on his reasons for not wanting to actively TTC. My husband didn’t really mind that I was timing intercourse, and taking OPK’s but at first didn’t want to know too much about it. He felt like it was just unnecessary pressure to perform, and at least wanted the illusion that things were all spontaneous and romantic, haha. In that case, I don’t think it’s a big deal for one party to be a little more intentional about it.
That said, we did NTNT for a few months, and it was a lot of fun. Even knowing what I know now that it would take a damn long time to get pregnant for us, I wouldn’t give up that time when it actually was romantic and spontaneous.
Post # 15
@MrsDiddles: Whatever happens, happens is different then actively TTC. If my husband and I were to conceive I would want our stories to match up on how baby came to be..
If he isn’t ready to dive into TTC then maybe do a few more months of NTNP then re-open the topic. Once he is on board and agrees you are actively trying to make a baby, doing these things without filling him in on the niddy griddy is ok. I didn’t want the OPK, checking my CM and peeing on sticks left and right to take the fun out of it for my husband or put too much pressure on him so I kept that to myself unless he asked asked. I know it can be hard waiting though!
Post # 16
During my first marriage, we decided to just not use birth control and see what happens. I was shocked when I found out it only took one month of “trying.” I was 25 and apparently fertility was not a problem.