(Closed) Is it petty of me to ask FI to ask his mum to take down his ex fiances pictures?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What is the best option

    Ignore the photo until his mum takes it down in her own time

    Request FI to tell his mum to take the photo down

    Get a picture of me and his sisters (we are all friends) to replace it

    Pull her aside myself and ask if she could take it down

    Wait until we are married (winter 2015) and if it still hasn't been taken down, deal with it then

    Get over it princess, it's not your house she can have whatever she likes on the wall

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1031 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    If it were just a picture of your FI’s ex then perhaps your request would seem a little valid, to me. However, the pic is your FMIL’s two daughters as well. Those are her memories and no one should have the right to tell her when to rid herself of them. Most importantly, regardless of what the bees have to say on this matter, we won’t have to deal with the possible wrath your request could cause with the in laws.

    It’s not like the picture is in your house and you have to look at it every day. If the picture bothers you that much, then take one with your future sister inlaws, frame it and you or your Fiance present to your Future Mother-In-Law. Maybe, she will place it next to the other one, or replace it with the other one, but it should be her choice.

    Post # 33
    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee

    Uh… no? You don’t get to tell a grown woman what pictures she should display in her own home. It’s probably up because her daughters are in it or she doesn’t even think about it. My parents still have my ex boyfriend from high school’s picture on their fridge because it was a magnet he gave them randomly after graduation. They stuck it on the side of the fridge and it’s been there for 11 years. It’s certainly not something anyone is fixating on.

    Post # 34
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @nessdawwg:  My FI’s mom has a picture on their fridge that’s like a faraway photo where no one is even looking at the camera (no idea why she likes this crappy photo) with my FI’s ex gf in it. They were on again off again so I don’t know if they were dating at this point but it’s from when she went to a wedding with him. It drives me crazy! I doubt his mom even thinks about the photo but I’ve covered it up with a magnet (seriously) because it annoyed me so much. He’s not even friends with this girl anymore and his mom didn’t especially like her so I just never understood the point of the photo.

    I don’t think you’re crazy. I totally understand how you feel. I’d ask your Fiance to ask his mom to take it down or at least move it to another room where it’s less visible.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2861 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’d ask her to take it down. I mean if you are close to her and it’s bothering you why not speak up? 

    Post # 37
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @nessdawwg:  Pay for a family photo session to replace the photo.  Let her decide who’ll be in the photo because she may just want it to be her kids or she may want it to be her and the kids or all of you.

    Post # 38
    Member
    6014 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would give Fiance a pic of you and Fiance and have him ask his mom to take it down.  It’s annoying.  I had a similar thing, there’s a pic up on the fridge (there are a ton) at my Dad’s house with me and ex-fi.  DH pointed it out and i just took it down and threw it out.  I had forgotten all about it and it was just part of the background of the kitchen.  Maybe that pic is like that for your Future Mother-In-Law, just part of the background, but I agree it needs to come down. 😀 

    Post # 39
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Ugh. I don’t even know. I deal with this type of stuff at my FMIL’s house a lot as well. In fairness, my fiance and his ex wife had a daughter together, which is an extra link between my Future Mother-In-Law and his ex wife. But it is a bit hurtful when there are none, NONE, of me.

    I don’t think it is ok to bring up though. It is her house, and her walls. If it is really bothering you maybe ask your fiance to tell his mom that HE thinks it is weird how she has a big photo of his ex displayed.

    Post # 40
    Member
    757 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

    WHen Fiance and I were first dating, the first time I took him to my parents house I asked my mom to take down my old wedding pictures.  I just didn’t feel it was appropriate for him to see….

    She didn’t exactly do that, but she did cover my ex’s face…WITH POST IT NOTES! Sigh, she tried.  Anyway, Fiance saw a picture of me in my wedding dress and was so enamoured with it, it’s actually his favourite picture of me…a little weird, but he said I look beautiful and happy and that ‘someday, he hopes to see me like that again’.

     

    Fast forward two years, and he will get his chance!

    Post # 41
    Member
    9839 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t say anything. It’s her house, she can display what she likes. Perhaps there is some sort of fond memory she has attached to the photo.

    My mom still has a picture of my brother and the girl he took to senior prom (he’s 24 now). I’m sure it pisses his fiance off to no end, but I highly doubt you’d get her to take it down.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    OP, I can relate to this somewhat, as Dh’s dad still has a photo from his first wedding on display in his home.  To be fair, it is a family photo and his late wife is in it… and it does bother me it’s still up, but when DH and I got our photos from the wedding back we framed one and gave it to him and he’s displaying it proudly, and higher up than the “practice marriage” photo!  😉

    Post # 43
    Member
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    SO’s mom who absolutely adores me and has wanted us to be married for a long, long time has a picture of SO and his high school girlfriend on the wall. She also has a picture of his ex-fiance from 12 years ago hung up. She did that because SO has a son who comes here during the summers, and it was nice for him to see the picture while at his grandparents’.

    While I am human and certainly experience jealousy from time to time, it has never occurred to me to be upset to the point of asking her to take the pictures down. It’s not really an issue.

    ETA: Reading back through your updates, it’s not the picture that you have a problem with. You have a problem with the fact that SO’s mom is perhaps not ecstatic about the two of you getting married and has reservations about the relationship.

     

     

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    It is so disrespectful & inappropriate for her to have that photo up still. It’s cringe-worthy. I don’t understand how a person could be so oblivious to something so obvious. 

    BUT — I personally would not say anything to her. All it does is make you the bad guy. It’s her house, terrible decor decisions and all. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1461 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    View original reply
    @nessdawwg:  Ugh, yes it’s disrespectful. But she may have no clude, like her 2 daughters are in the pic and maybe she thinks that’s a great pic of them. I think there’s no harm in having Fiance casually mention to her, hey I noticed that you still have this picture with ________ and my sisters, any reason why you haven’t taken it down yet? Just remember to ask him to ask her while you guys are at her house.

    Post # 46
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @nessdawwg:  You said you assume they don’t talk, but do you know that for a fact? Maybe the sisters are still friends with her. If it was a picture of my husband with his ex on display, I’d be pissed. With his siblings? I’m not sure I’d care. Plus, it’s not your house and you don’t get to decide what’s in it. You aren’t married to him yet either so his parents may see you as a girlfriend until then. 

    Maybe when you give her a wedding picture, she will put that one up, too. I imagine your partner isn’t forgetting repeatedly and is just unwilling to make a trivial issue into something bigger. 

    The topic ‘Is it petty of me to ask FI to ask his mum to take down his ex fiances pictures?’ is closed to new replies.

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