Post # 32
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
If it were just a picture of your FI’s ex then perhaps your request would seem a little valid, to me. However, the pic is your FMIL’s two daughters as well. Those are her memories and no one should have the right to tell her when to rid herself of them. Most importantly, regardless of what the bees have to say on this matter, we won’t have to deal with the possible wrath your request could cause with the in laws.
It’s not like the picture is in your house and you have to look at it every day. If the picture bothers you that much, then take one with your future sister inlaws, frame it and you or your Fiance present to your Future Mother-In-Law. Maybe, she will place it next to the other one, or replace it with the other one, but it should be her choice.
Post # 33
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
Uh… no? You don’t get to tell a grown woman what pictures she should display in her own home. It’s probably up because her daughters are in it or she doesn’t even think about it. My parents still have my ex boyfriend from high school’s picture on their fridge because it was a magnet he gave them randomly after graduation. They stuck it on the side of the fridge and it’s been there for 11 years. It’s certainly not something anyone is fixating on.
Post # 34
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
@nessdawwg: My FI’s mom has a picture on their fridge that’s like a faraway photo where no one is even looking at the camera (no idea why she likes this crappy photo) with my FI’s ex gf in it. They were on again off again so I don’t know if they were dating at this point but it’s from when she went to a wedding with him. It drives me crazy! I doubt his mom even thinks about the photo but I’ve covered it up with a magnet (seriously) because it annoyed me so much. He’s not even friends with this girl anymore and his mom didn’t especially like her so I just never understood the point of the photo.
I don’t think you’re crazy. I totally understand how you feel. I’d ask your Fiance to ask his mom to take it down or at least move it to another room where it’s less visible.
Post # 35
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
@LarLa: They were friends at the time, but they don’t speak at all now (an arguement that was seperate to Fiance and her’s split)
@NauticalDisaster: I completely agree with you on photos are memories, and as I had stated previously, there are a couple of other photos around the place in which she is a part of, but they are of momentous times in the family and I would never dream of finding them innappropriate. The photo in question is of no particular importance as to an event (I sussed the background ages ago), and it’s not a particularly flattering photo of his sisters either. In addition, if Future Mother-In-Law and the ex were still friendly, I would understand that just because a relationship breaks down, it does not have to affect friendships with others, but they no longer have a friendship and don’t talk to each other.
@MrsPHopefully: Thanks for the empathy regarding the lack of excitement, but I did expect it to a degree since they went above and beyond with the first one, and if I was in their situation I wouldn’t have to repeat all that with a new girl, it would make me feel like how many more were to come as horrible as that sounds, but I totally understand it from their point of view and won’t be disappointed unless they show a similar amount of disinterest during the planning of the wedding (FI and ex never planned a single thing for a wedding, she wanted to but he wouldn’t have anything to do with it as he didn’t feel ready to get married at the time.)
For all the others, I understand I shouldn’t tell someeone what they may/may not display in their photos. I was merely saying from my point of view, if I was in her position I would have taken it down long ago as a sign of respect.
Post # 36
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
I’d ask her to take it down. I mean if you are close to her and it’s bothering you why not speak up?
Post # 37
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@nessdawwg: Pay for a family photo session to replace the photo. Let her decide who’ll be in the photo because she may just want it to be her kids or she may want it to be her and the kids or all of you.
Post # 38
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
I would give Fiance a pic of you and Fiance and have him ask his mom to take it down. It’s annoying. I had a similar thing, there’s a pic up on the fridge (there are a ton) at my Dad’s house with me and ex-fi. DH pointed it out and i just took it down and threw it out. I had forgotten all about it and it was just part of the background of the kitchen. Maybe that pic is like that for your Future Mother-In-Law, just part of the background, but I agree it needs to come down. 😀
Post # 39
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
Ugh. I don’t even know. I deal with this type of stuff at my FMIL’s house a lot as well. In fairness, my fiance and his ex wife had a daughter together, which is an extra link between my Future Mother-In-Law and his ex wife. But it is a bit hurtful when there are none, NONE, of me.
I don’t think it is ok to bring up though. It is her house, and her walls. If it is really bothering you maybe ask your fiance to tell his mom that HE thinks it is weird how she has a big photo of his ex displayed.
Post # 40
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
WHen Fiance and I were first dating, the first time I took him to my parents house I asked my mom to take down my old wedding pictures. I just didn’t feel it was appropriate for him to see….
She didn’t exactly do that, but she did cover my ex’s face…WITH POST IT NOTES! Sigh, she tried. Anyway, Fiance saw a picture of me in my wedding dress and was so enamoured with it, it’s actually his favourite picture of me…a little weird, but he said I look beautiful and happy and that ‘someday, he hopes to see me like that again’.
Fast forward two years, and he will get his chance!
Post # 41
Member
9878 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I wouldn’t say anything. It’s her house, she can display what she likes. Perhaps there is some sort of fond memory she has attached to the photo.
My mom still has a picture of my brother and the girl he took to senior prom (he’s 24 now). I’m sure it pisses his fiance off to no end, but I highly doubt you’d get her to take it down.
Post # 42
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
OP, I can relate to this somewhat, as Dh’s dad still has a photo from his first wedding on display in his home. To be fair, it is a family photo and his late wife is in it… and it does bother me it’s still up, but when DH and I got our photos from the wedding back we framed one and gave it to him and he’s displaying it proudly, and higher up than the “practice marriage” photo! 😉
Post # 43
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
SO’s mom who absolutely adores me and has wanted us to be married for a long, long time has a picture of SO and his high school girlfriend on the wall. She also has a picture of his ex-fiance from 12 years ago hung up. She did that because SO has a son who comes here during the summers, and it was nice for him to see the picture while at his grandparents’.
While I am human and certainly experience jealousy from time to time, it has never occurred to me to be upset to the point of asking her to take the pictures down. It’s not really an issue.
ETA: Reading back through your updates, it’s not the picture that you have a problem with. You have a problem with the fact that SO’s mom is perhaps not ecstatic about the two of you getting married and has reservations about the relationship.
Post # 44
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
It is so disrespectful & inappropriate for her to have that photo up still. It’s cringe-worthy. I don’t understand how a person could be so oblivious to something so obvious.
BUT — I personally would not say anything to her. All it does is make you the bad guy. It’s her house, terrible decor decisions and all.
Post # 45
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
@nessdawwg: Ugh, yes it’s disrespectful. But she may have no clude, like her 2 daughters are in the pic and maybe she thinks that’s a great pic of them. I think there’s no harm in having Fiance casually mention to her, hey I noticed that you still have this picture with ________ and my sisters, any reason why you haven’t taken it down yet? Just remember to ask him to ask her while you guys are at her house.
Post # 46
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@nessdawwg: You said you assume they don’t talk, but do you know that for a fact? Maybe the sisters are still friends with her. If it was a picture of my husband with his ex on display, I’d be pissed. With his siblings? I’m not sure I’d care. Plus, it’s not your house and you don’t get to decide what’s in it. You aren’t married to him yet either so his parents may see you as a girlfriend until then.
Maybe when you give her a wedding picture, she will put that one up, too. I imagine your partner isn’t forgetting repeatedly and is just unwilling to make a trivial issue into something bigger.
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