(Closed) Is it petty of me to ask FI to ask his mum to take down his ex fiances pictures?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What is the best option

    Ignore the photo until his mum takes it down in her own time

    Request FI to tell his mum to take the photo down

    Get a picture of me and his sisters (we are all friends) to replace it

    Pull her aside myself and ask if she could take it down

    Wait until we are married (winter 2015) and if it still hasn't been taken down, deal with it then

    Get over it princess, it's not your house she can have whatever she likes on the wall

  • Post # 47
    Member
    11522 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @nessdawwg:  If this were a photo of your Fiance and his former fiance, or a single photo of only the ex-fiance, I would suggest that you encourage your Fiance to ask his mother to take down the photo and to tuck it into a drawer or photo album.

    However, because this primarily is a photograph of your FMIL’s two daughters that also happens to include the ex-fiance, I believe this is a more sensitive situation. Perhaps your Future Mother-In-Law simply loves this particular photo  of her daughters. If so, it would be impossible to replace it with another picture. I would not ask that she remove it.

    Post # 48
    Member
    4198 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

    View original reply
    @nessdawwg:  I would feel really weird about my Future Mother-In-Law having a family picture with my FH’s ex-fiance prominently displayed on the wall. But my Fiance would too, he would have asked her to take it down after the split. If the roles were reversed and it was my mom with the photo, I would feel no shame in asking her to take it down. I don’t care that it’s a nice picture, it’s her house, and I don’t care that its history and you cant erase it, there are just some things that I wouldnt want to be reminded of every time I go to her house! If it were me an Fiance, I would ask him if it bothers him and let him know that it kind of weirds you out (rightly so!) and maybe come up with a solution together, but if anyone asks her to take it down, it should be him.

    Post # 49
    Member
    4198 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

    Sorry, double post

    Post # 50
    Member
    607 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    My Mother-In-Law has a picture of Fiance and his ex on a bookshelf – prob two of them. It bugged me until Fiance showed me other pictures of his sister with some of her exes that she also still has up. She keeps them up simply because they’re good pics of her children. Could this possibly be the reason it’s still there? 

    Anyhoo, I got over it, and hopefully you will too. Because you’re going to be his wife for life now. Picture-posers or not, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to get that one picture replaced. Don’t sweat it too much 🙂

    Post # 51
    Member
    947 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    My Mother-In-Law is a packrat and hangs on to old erroneous photos too. That’s fine, but her facebook main profile photo was on of the “whole family together” including my husband’s ex-girlfriend. I pointed it out to my husband over the summer and he asked her to take it down. She didn’t, and she blathered on about how it’s the last photo of the whole family together before my husband’s dad died. She also keeps each and every old photo on her computer.

    That incident really soured my husband’s relationship with his mother. Fine by me. If she wants to pretend he’s still dating what’s-her-face then I’m not going to complain that he hasn’t spoken to her or returned her calls since the summer.

    Post # 52
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee

    My SO’s parents have tons of old family photos on their walls, and his ex wife is in many of them.  It doesn’t bother me.  It’s just how life was at the time.  

    Post # 53
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I would just bug Fiance to take care of it until it was done.

    Post # 54
    Member
    708 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s her home to decorate however she chooses.

    If you have a good relationship with her (and especially if the ex does not), you are choosing to feel disrespected by the presence of this photo. You don’t have to be happy about it, I certainly wouldn’t be, but thinking of it as offensive is going a bit far.

    Post # 55
    Member
    919 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    My FIL’s still had photos of Fiance and his ex intheir hallway, they are old prom photos. To avoid making a big deal out of it, I printed out a few of our engagement photos and had Fiance cover up the old ones. Mother-In-Law loved the new photos so much she didn’t even notice the old ones were gone. Problem solved.

    Post # 56
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee

    i agree that I would ask your future mother in law to take it down. Unless she still had a friendship with the ex fiancé or if his sisters still do or if your fi had a child with her then those circumstances are ok especially if your fi had a child with the ex-fi but even if the future mother Inlaw still had a relationship with his ex-fi I think she could have display it somewhere else in the house. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I voted that you should get a picture of you and his sisters. Even if it is not a replacement, then at least you will be showcased in her home, too. If she doesn’t take down the other picture upon replacement, then the actual marriage, then I would pull her aside and politely let her know it would make you very comfortable if she took the picture down. Good luck!

    Post # 58
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Even if his mom were still close to his ex-fiance, you’d think at some point while passing that picture – in the 3 years you have been together – it would dawn on her that it might be seen as disrespectful or, at best, very uncomfortable for everyone. For those bringing up long-distant relationships…there’s a difference between an ex-fiance and an ex-girlfriend (and “teen” relationships and adult ones).

    My husband’s mom has a picture of him with his then-very-serious-crush at his high school prom. I recently discovered a box of pictures with him when he was 16 with his first girlfriend, some where they were hugging and kissing. Pffft, doesn’t matter. But an ex-fiance? I’d be pissed, and rightfully so.

    I would continue bringing it up with his fiance. It doesn’t have to be an earth-shattering issue; he can simply say, “Mom, it makes me uncomfortable when I come over and we see that picture with Jolene in it. I know you like it; but I thought maybe we could replace it after I get married.” That should make the message very, very clear.

     

    Post # 59
    Member
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

     

    I think it’s weird. If my FILS had a picture of FI’s ex that ended badly I would be so confused. Even if he was single I’d think it’s werid that she has a picture of someone that hurt her son/ended badly with.

    I would have Fiance talk to her. Have him say something like “Hey mom now that I’m engaged it seems a little odd that there is a picture of my ex on your wall. Is there any particualr reason it’s still up?” Then go from there. Maybe she never even thinks about it and didn’t get around to it, or she really likes having a picture of the daughters, or the daughters actaully are still friends with her. Whatever she says at least it will give you a reason. It’s hard to solve a problem unless you know what’s going on.

     

    Post # 60
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @jadlnc:  “5 years after this chic left the “picture” and 3 years after her son started a new relationship it’s time for her to take that pic down.

    Exactly.

    If I were your Fiance I would have no issue telling my mother that I would like her to take the photos down. If I were your Future Mother-In-Law (provided you and my son had been together for a decent amount of time; were serious; you were a nice person and respectful to me; and my relationship with his ex-FI is long over) I would definitely take most – if not all – of the photos of her down.

    IMO it’s the respectful thing to do.

    You should discuss this with your Fiance because speaking to his mother about how it makes him uncomfortable should be a priority.

    Post # 61
    Member
    5870 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think having your Fiance ask your mom about it, as if it’s his idea, would be a good idea.  IMO it’s weird and insensitive of his feelings that his mom still has a photo of his ex prominently displayed.  If his mom balks, I wouldn’t push it (just because it isn’t really that big of a deal) but at least you’ll have a bit more info about why she’d still have that photo.

    IMO, you are being super cool about it.  

    The topic ‘Is it petty of me to ask FI to ask his mum to take down his ex fiances pictures?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors