(Closed) Is it Possible to have FLOWER GIRL DRAMA?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

No…you aren’t in the wrong. My sister has already purchased my niece’s flowergirl dress. She bought it too big b/c she knows that my niece will be bigger by 9/18. The plan is to have it altered a week or so before the wedding.

I think the problem with most weddings is that people are all excited and promising to be an active part of things and then when the reality hits about the finances and/or time involved they hesitate. But instead of saying they no longer want to participate…..they make the problem about YOU. It’s much easier to say that you are being unreasonable than it is to admit they no longer want to expend the time, energy, and funds.

Post # 4
2682 posts
Sugar bee

Not unrealistic at all.  At first I read it backwards and thought you asked in September to order for June. But June for a September wedding? hello, they are not going to change sizes that much in 3 months!!!  I had my flower girls order their dress from my June wedding in February and everyone was fine with it.

Maybe off topic but I think its crazy that you ask one girl to be a flower girl and they automatically assume its ok for the sister to be a flower girl as well! 

Post # 5
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

you are not wrong. end of story. your mom is up to speed with all the drama, right? i’d think she (of all people) would understand. sorry 🙁

Post # 6
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have nothing to add except that your subject line was really funny 🙂 Chin up! things will work out in the end..

Post # 7
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well I may be the minority but I do think you’re being a little unrealistic.  Kids that age change sizes SOOO quickly and your little flower girls could have changed multiple sizes in the next 3 months or have changed no sizes at all.  Very unpredictable.  Makes it really hard to order clothes for them far in advance.

The tux shop wanted all the GM to be measured multiple months ahead of time but didn’t want our two ring bearers to be measured until 3-4 weeks out MAX.  That’s how quickly kids those ages change sizes.

If the ship time on these dresses is so long, then I think you need to find flower girl dresses that can be gotten in more quickly (or purchased off the rack at a store) and get them closer to the wedding.

Post # 8
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I had a similar problem with my flowergirl.  They didn’t want to order right away because it was expensive ($60).  Then we waited and found a cheaper dress ($40) and decided to wait even longer to see if she would change sizes.  We ended up ordering the dress in mid-August for my mid-October wedding.

Since your wedding is at the end of September I think you should order by the end of June.  You can have them order 1 size larger if they are that worried about the kid growing.  I think it is common for some alterations to have to be done.

Post # 9
520 posts
Busy bee

Maybe I’m just in my biatch mode today…… but……. I would just let it be.  If they don’t have dresses….well then less flower girls.   Ordering dresses now for a Sept wedding is in no way unreasonable.  Maybe they are changing their minds and just looking for an out???

Post # 11
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would say (to your cousin), that if she hasn’t gotten the measurements to you by the end of the week then her kids are no longer flower girls! Your cousin needs to get over herself.

Post # 12
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s not unreasonable! I had this problem with some bridesmaids because we had to order their dresses in june- our wedding is in sept also. They thought it was too early and put off getting measured. I ordered our FG dress last week but ours should only take a month to get in. 

It’s seems like if people have never thrown a wedding they don’t understand all the things that you have to consider like ordering and shipping times, fittings etc. But since your FG’s moms have obviously been married i don’t understand why they are being so difficult. And acting like gossips calling everyone complaining about you. It would make me want to say forget it no FG or RB!! But i know this is not necessarily the best way to handle it! 

Post # 14
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@flutterby…sine it seems like you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t…it might be easier to just cut those 2 kids out altogether. heck you will STILL have 3 flowergirls left. That would be the dealbreaker for me…..a 42 year old woman having her MOMMY call me over some simple stuff like that….her kids would be officially off the list.

Post # 15
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010


Were I in your shoes I’d be scrapping the whole flower girl idea thing altogether.  (Barring huge disappointment for the kiddies, of course.)

Post # 16
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’ll be part of that minority here.  I don’t know if it’s that I have children, or that they’ve been in a wedding before, but here goes. 

It sounds like all of the families you asked to invlolve “mini-attendants” had other children.  Unless those other children were under two years, I think it’s unfair you excluded the other siblings.  If they are old enough to understand what’s going on, I think they are old enough to get their feelings hurt about not being in the wedding.  (Although I understand, some of that depends on the individual child.  I know my daughter would have felt excluded before she was three years old. )I think you should have stuck with say, both of FSIL’s kids, or cousin’s kids, if you didn’t want to have too many ankle biters running around.  I can’t say I know why the parents didn’t think to ask you about the other children, right from the get go…. Perhaps they didn’t think the little ones would care too much, and then found that they did???

As for the shipping on the dresses,  I could go either way.  I agree with FutureKMM, my boys were told by the tux place to not get measured until a month out.  So I can see why a few months out would make it more difficult to get an accurate measurement.  ON the other hand, I ordered my daughter’s dress online, and got it several months ahead of time.  The difference?  I cared more about what she wore than the bride did.  So I was willing to pay the extra money to get the dress altered, without complaint.  And alterations, even for a little girl’s dress are expensive.  It could be that the moms, are nervous about the cost of putting their little ones in clothes.  Also, is the dress itself a reasonable price?  It can be hard with FG dresses, because it’s easy enough to pick up something cute at Burlington Coat Factory or Penney’s.

However, I don’t believe the way the families are handling it, are OK.  If it was me, I might have asked about my younger child, but I would have done it as soon as you asked.  And the order by date, I probably would have bit my tongue about.  But if I did have a problem, I would have talked about it, without biting your head off, and would have done so, much earlier in the process.

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