(Closed) Is it possible to tell my future MIL that I don’t want to use her diamond?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

oh god that is such a tough situation!! I absolutely LOVE august vintage cushions so I totally get where you are coming from… I don’t have much advice for you but I wanted to say that you are lucky that your future Fiance is on board with this idea, maybe he could talk to his mum? Then it would be coming from him and not seem like you were refusing her kind gift. Hope someone has some better advice for you

Post # 4
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

sorry I just re-read your post… how come he says you have to tell her? That doesn’t seem fair if he is happy with the idea of you getting a different stone?

Post # 5
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh I can definitely understand this — I have an AVC! I wouldn’t trade it for the world! There’s nothing else like them. Although, I think it would be so cool to have a stone that’s actually vintage (you do know that the ones GOG sells are just vintage-style right? That’s kind of the beauty of them though, a vintage cut but with super high optics via modern-technology).

Keep in mind though, a cushion, especially a vintage style one with a chunky, high table, is not going to have the “spread” of a round, even an OMC. A 1ct stone will usualy appear to be more around the size of .75, ish. You’d probably have to jump up to a 1.2 or 1.3 to get around the size that will still visually look like a full carat. So your 1 ct AVC that you want is likely to not look a whole heck of a lot bigger than her .55 OMC.

By the way, is FI’s mom no longer married? Why is this ring/stone being passed down to you? If his parents were divorced, maybe you could use that excuse, that it would bother you to have a stone from an unhappy marriage?

Post # 6
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

ok, here’s my two cents.

Be honest. Tell her how much you are tocuehd by the fact tjat sje pwi;d even consider giving it to you and how much it means to you to have her think of you in such a way that she would allow you to have something so precious from her family. But, then tell her that you had fallen in love with another style ring and that you hope she understands if you don’t take hers. Tell her you are veryu concerned that you would hurt her feelings and hope she understands.

Then hope she understands! lol

Post # 7
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t really know that much about your situation, but I think that it is best to use her diamond.  Like littlemissmango said, the stone you want may not actually look that much larger anyway.  (I have a cushion that is a over a carat and it is comparable to a half carat round mm-wise.)  You can always get a right hand ring with your dream diamond.

Or, use her diamond in a custom wedding band to accent the stone you want.

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I guess in my opinion she is very nice to want to give you her diamond HOWEVER this is what you will be wearing forever and if Fiance is ok with you wanting something different then thats what matters not necessarily her feelings.

Post # 10
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Eek that’s a difficult situation! Could he propose with his mom’s ring and then you get your own engagement ring as well? And the Future Mother-In-Law ring could be a right hand ring?

Or could you use her stone as a side stone?

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I just wanted to chime in that I had a pretty similar situation and ended up using her ring.  I have absolutely no regrets: it’s not the style I would have chosen, but Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance are so touched that IMO, it’s totally worth it.  Although it took some time, now when I look at it I don’t see how it differs from my “ideal” ring, I see a symbol of being so accepted by the family that they gave me an heirloom to celebrate my marrying into it.  Sorry if that’s sappy, but I’m really glad I went with FMIL’s ring instead of a new one.

Post # 12
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law offered to give me her mother’s ring but I didn’t want it because it wasn’t my style.  FI talked to her about how touched we were that she would want to pass it down, but that we were thinking of getting something else.  She was very cool with it.  I don’t think that just because your Future Mother-In-Law offered the ring it would necessarily hurt her feelings if you didn’t use it as an engagement ring.  But you know her best.  Look back at other similar instances and try to remember if she is more likely to get hurt on touchy subjects, or if she has a mellower go-with-the-flow attitude.  Maybe you can tell her that you would be honored to accept the stone and set it in a pendant necklace and wear that on your wedding day.

Post # 13
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

“Maybe you can tell her that you would be honored to accept the stone and set it in a pendant necklace and wear that on your wedding day.”  That’s exactly what I was going to suggest too!  =)

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think yo have two options. Be up front…after telling her how much you appreciate the offer and that you are overwhelemed by her generosity!

Or…take the family stone for now. You can always upgrade to something else on an anniversary or some other time. I understand your love for a certain style, but honestly, it is not worth hurting the feelings of  your new Mother-In-Law. An engagement ring is special, but not worth hurting someone. Esp. when you can get something else later on.

Post # 15
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Also, you will have a lot to pay for with a wedding, and if you don’t spend it on a ring right now, that means you can put that toward something else, like a nicer venue, a grander dress, or more people you can afford to invite!

Post # 16
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Does your Fiance have any unmarried siblings? My Future Mother-In-Law also offered a family diamond that was different than what Fiance had planned on getting. Fiance thanked her and declined, saying that his younger brother could use it more (FI has a job and his younger brother is a student who has many years of schooling ahead of him). Would it be possible to suggest your Future Mother-In-Law give it one of FI’s siblings instead?

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