(Closed) Is it proper or improper to ask for money instead of a registry?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You of course may have a card box at the reception but it is highly inappropriate to put gift information on wedding invitations.

If you just want money, spread the word through the family gossips that you’re saving for a house, furniture, or whatever it is you are saving for.  People always know that money is a great gifts, so pointing out the obvious on a wedding invitation, or even on a wedding web site, can be seen as pushy.

Post # 4
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

First, nothing regarding gifts AT ALL goes anywhere NEAR a wedding invitation.  Shower invitations, sure.  However, a shower is so that people can “shower” the bride with gifts she’ll need to begin her new life as a wife.  So, if you don’t want gifts, don’t have a shower.

As far as requesting money, well it’s technically rude to do so.  BUT- when people ask you what you want, or ask your relatives what you’d like to have, it IS ok to tactfully say “Well, we have pretty much everything we need, but we are saving up for XXX” and go with word of mouth to spread the news.

Another idea is to have a small registry, to stock up on sheets, towels, etc. or to upgrade a few things, and hope that when the registry is depleted people will get the hint & give you checks 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Also, you may want to create a small registry of upgrades (do you need new sheets or towels?  Have any of your nice glasses broken?) so people who really want to give physical gifts can have something to pick from.  Registries prevent you from receiving 5 toasters, and also give great aunt Myrtle an alternative to the ceramic rooster she has been thinking of giving you.

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s definitely a cultural thing as some Bees have reported that everyone in their circle asks for money and it’s assumed that money is the appropriate/expected gift. That being said, because you have friends and coworkers who may not be comfortable with cash gifts, I would recommend having a small registry anyway of things that are in the appropriate price range for these people. Another option is to do a honeymoon registry so it’s not a blatant ask for money but a give us an experience vs an item type thing. Are you having a bridal shower? If so, then I would definitely recommend a small registry because then you may very well end up with five tea kettles.

To be honest, if I was just someone’s acquaintance, I would prefer to buy a gift off the registry. It’s usually for our very good friends (that I know need the cash) that we give a cash gift. In addition, I personally would feel weird about giving a coworker a cash gift.

 

Post # 7
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For reasons passing understanding, is is fine to ask for stuff that costs money (as long as you don’t put anything on the invitation, but instead divert registry info to a separate card or webstie or word-of-mouth), but it is considered the worst breach of etiquette to actually request money. The difference for some people is hairsplitting, but others will flip out if they think they’re being asked for money directly. 

However, if you do a small registry of upgrades, as suggested by @futuremrsfitz18 , you’ll not only get those, you’ll get money in a card box at the reception, and in cards that people send. Even people with extensive registries get money as gifts, and in some parts of the country, they get quite a lot of money (monetary gifts are rare in the South, for example, so we didn’t get as much cash at our wedding as compared with Bees elsewhere). 

So do a small registry, get the word out that money is welcome, and see what you end up with.

Post # 8
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t ask for anything specific on the invitations, especially if you decided not to do a registry. People will most likely bring cash or gift cards anyway, I know I do.

Post # 9
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yea, I’ve been wondering this myself.  I’m Asian, so luckily for me, in Asian culture, it is considered rude and bad form to give gifts instead of money.  The only acceptable gift is money in a red envelope.  Gifts are actually looked down upon and you will be judged if you show up with a gift.  So half of of my guests already know to give money.  It’s just a cultural thing.

However, only about half of our guests will be Asian, and my Fiance is not Asian.  We’ve been wondering how to spread the word to our non-Asian guests and to my fiance’s family that we don’t really want anything and would rather have money for our honeymoon or something like that.   Let meknow what you decide because I’m sort of in the same boat you are, and would appreciate knowing how to handle this too.

Post # 10
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We definitely asked in our invitations for money instead! But instead of straight up asking, I found this poem online and so many people liked it!!

 

We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats and matching coasters
So rather than something we’ve already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest

 

Post # 14
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Definitely do not ask for cash on your invites!  If you don’t have a registry, people will likely give cash.  If you have a registry but no shower, you can put it on your website or just spread the info through word of mouth.

Post # 15
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsGosling510:  If you do create a registry, it is usually suggested that you put it on your wedding website. In your wedding invitation suite, you may include in the website as a “for your information” type thing. It should not be “for registry information, visit here” type thing. If you choose not to do a wedding website, then you can rely on word-of-mouth. It is generally frowned upon to blatantly say, “We registered here and here” on your invitaiton itself and depending on who you ask, the inserts you get for free from retailers are also frowned upon.

Another reason to create a registry is that not all people will automatically give cash simply because there’s no registry. We’ve encountered several acquaintances and friends who didn’t think to check the website and were just going to buy something they thought we would like. I also attended a shower recently where, despite a very large/comprehensive registry, a lot of people still went rogue and gifted whatever.

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