(Closed) Is it really so hard to RSVP?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yes, it seems to be the hardest thing in the world for people to do!! I remember going through it, a lot of brides do. You would think people would have no problem with it, since all’s they have to do is fill out the card and put it in the mail, not even with their own stamp, and people just can’t do it. Its ridiculous!!

Post # 4
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have only received 14/150 =)  but my deadline is September 14th!  I always try to RSVP promptly but now I hope to RSVP the day i get people’s invitations (assuming I know I can make it or not)  The waiting is killing me!!!

I hate that some people are e-mailing me and telling me they can or cant make it.  You have a stamped and addressed RSVP card just stick it in the mail!!!!!!!!!! =) 

Post # 6
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel the same way you do! Especially when you add up all the extra time & money you spent on them! I mean how hard is it to put a check mark & seal the envelope, then stick it in the mail? I mean come on people, you most likely have a job & there fore there is a mailbox at your convenience to use!

Post # 7
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My wedding is next weekend and I am still waiting on about 20 🙂 I am not expecting them at this point and have already calle another 20 who were missing. And we sent SASE so there was no real excuse.

Post # 8
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Pre joining the bee, I never knew that people meant reply by dates as the dates by which the host should receive the rsvp.  I always assumed it was the date you should mail it back by – after all, that’s how most other mailings are done, by postmark date.  Now that I’m wedding planning I know the value of an early response and will do so in the future, but give a few days leeway for those that thought the reply date was postmarked by date.

Post # 9
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I still haven’t mailed back an RSVP card for an early Oct. wedding, but the rsvp date isn’t until sept 10th. Honestly Darling Husband and I don’t know if we can attend adn are hoping we find out soon. Otherwise I’m just going to mail it back as a ‘no’.

Post # 10
1693 posts
Bumble bee

Actually, I think we often make it harder than we need to. Your comment that “A few have let us know that they are coming, and they are posting an RSVP this week” is case in point. “R.s.v.p.” means “Repondez, s’il vous plait”, not “submit the official paperwork”. If people have indeed already let you know, well then ils ont deja reponde, n’est-ce pas? (does anyone know how to type accents on demand?)

I am having a reception this coming Monday, and the majority of my guests have already replied. There weren’t any R.s.v.p. cards in the invitations, and because it’s a stand-up tea-and-cake affair where I don’t need a firm headcount, I risked not including telephone and email information. I’ve received mostly hand-written notes; a couple word-of-mouth replies, one phone-call of confusion asking whether I expected an R.s.v.p. since I hadn’t written those letters on the note (I explained that in my salad years when I was learning etiquette, it was considered rude to ask for the courtesy that all gentlefolk knew to extend without asking), and a few emails and facebook responses.

If I were kinder, I would have put my phone-number and email on the card, but I was experimenting to see if people would resort to notes as is proper. They did, but if I were really counting the replies I would put all contact information on the invitation. After all, what does it matter how they respond, as long as I know they are coming?

Post # 12
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

People are lazy, they forget, they procrastinate maybe waiting to see if something better comes along.  Or maybe they’re trying to figure out if they’ll be in town. Maybe they think you somehow know they are coming and they don’t need to return the card.

Whatever the reason.  There are ten million possibilities as to why those cards don’t get returned.  It will always boil down to the fact that you will have to chase them down.  It’s not even worth asking why:)

Post # 13
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mrsgrassby2b: I tell you, today is my RSVP deadline, and I’m still missing a HUGE chunk. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t spend extra money on stamps that will never be used >:(

Which is why I didn’t want to put stamps on the RSVP envelopes, but NO that is SO against etiquette…. well hell, I can’t “break rules” but everyone else can at my expense!


Sorry, I wanted to vent too… ;>>

@mrsgrassby2b: I wish it was that way in the States.

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