(Closed) Is it really still proper for a guy to ask the girl’s father first?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My husband did speak to my father before proposing, but it was more like he was stating his intentions to my dad and asking for his blessing- not asking PERMISSION!

I think it might be a nice gesture towards your parents for your Fiance to ask their blessing.

Post # 4
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It’s entirely up to the couple.

Post # 5
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Fiance asked my dad first.  It’s one of those traditions that I would like to stick to.  My dad only has daughters (me and my sister) and this was very important to him.

My Fiance was REALLY nervous which surprised me because my dad is such an easygoing guy ;o)

Post # 6
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

my Fiance spoke to my father first, it was actually important to him to do so. it’s not so much for permission anymore, more just a nice gesture and to get their blessing!

Post # 7
494 posts
Helper bee

I think that it’s different for everyone.  Ultimately, I think he needs to know you and what you would like.  Do YOU want him to ask for your hand, or a blessing?  If you don’t, then it wasn’t needed to begin with.

Post # 9
1028 posts
Bumble bee

Fiance asked my mom for permission, he’s just old school in that regards.  If it really offends you that much I’d just ignore it, but if you think it’ll keep the peace, maybe have him ask?

Post # 10
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

it’s just too old fashioned for my tastes.. 

Post # 11
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My Fiance wanted to ask.  Plus he was so excited about the ring I think he wanted to share it with them because it was burning a hole in his pocket.  I”m kind of jealous because they apparently celebrate with a toast and all and I wasn’t there!  But that’s okay I think it was important to my Fiance to know they were just excited as we are.

Post # 12
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My fiance asked permission in way, though we all knew he was basically just showing respect for my Dad.  I think my Dad was impressed and touched. 

Post # 13
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

My fiance asked my father’s permission first because he knew it was important to both me and my father. I think it’s just a matter of how traditional you or your family is though. I think most daddies get impressed/excited when the guy does it nowadays, but wouldn’t shoot ’em down if they didn’t.

Post # 14
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My parents completely expects to be asked for their *blessing* but certainly not their *permission*. Permission would be a bit futile, anyway, since they know I’d do it even if they said no. They love boyfriend, but still. That being said, it’s hard for him to ask my Dad’s permission since my parents are 6 hours away… We won’t get engaged til January at the earliest, but we’ll see my parents in October (they are coming up here and then he’s going down there with me), I’ll go home for Christmas (not Thanksgiving) but there are no plans for boyfriend and I to go down together between October and January! So he either asks them in October one of the two weekends we see them, sends them a letter or calls them, the latter 2 options he’s not a fan of.  So annoying.

Post # 15
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My fiance asked both of my parents, although my Mom was already ‘in’ on it because nothing gets by her and FH had the diamond shipped to her house since we live in NYC and can’t get packages. My Dad was totally shocked because we had only been dating 1.5 years and my sister had just gotten engaged (I don’t think Dads understand how getting engaged works). And after he finally got over his initial shock he said “Well, Mr. Moderndaisy, I guess there’s nothing we can say except for absolutely Yes!”

I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’m so glad he went through all the trouble of asking my parents! 🙂

Post # 16
450 posts
Helper bee

For those of you who are against asking the parents, let me ask you this…is your father walking you down the aisle?  Are you wearing white?

I mean, being “given away” as an innocent virgin by your father to your husband seems like an even bigger insult than asking for the parents’ blessing.

I am ok with all of the traditions.  I find them sentimental and cute.


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