Post # 1
Just curious what you Bees think about this. Darling Husband and my ILs think I should be attending every single family even (and believe me there are a lot….sometimes even 3 in a weekend). If I don’t come, due to work or wanting to stay home and have a little me time, or having prior plans, they say they feel that I don’t care about the family. What do you all think? Darling Husband even made the comment that “as DH’s other half…didn’t it occur to me that if he was there….I should be too
Post # 3
Every single one? No, I don’t think so.
Post # 4
No, it’s not required! Maybe pick a few where a lot of people will attend instead of the smaller events.
Post # 5
I think working towards a balance is key! You definatley want to enjoy Darling Husband and time with family but you also need to know that you don’t have to be everywhere all the time.
Pick and choose!
Post # 6
@Treasure43: I’m not married yet, but i doubt being so would change how we are. I’m not like that at all. We go our separate ways a lot. It doesn’t bother us. We have been together two years and have not spent one christmas together yet. I always go home to my family (2 hours away) and he stays here with his family. No biggie to us. Same with other holidays. We are hardly together for any of them. Mostly this has to do with his work schedule, he works most holidays, and I refuse to sit at home in our apt alone when I could be home with my family. So he attends his family holidays when he’s off work, and I go home to visit my family. So far no one has complained about this.
Post # 7
I’ve tried letting them know that just because I don’t attend every single event doesn’t mean I don’t care about the family, but they really can’t seem to understand this. They view family events as something it’s an obligation to attend. Whereas, I would rather it be something I WANT to do then feel forced.
Post # 8
I go to every single one.
Post # 9
I don’t believe so. You do have a life outside of his family. What about yours? Does he attend every single function/get together? You do need some down time just to yourself.
Post # 10
OMG, I’m dealing with this currently.
I can’t say what is right or wrong but I do feel that if I’m pulled too thin, I’m going to snap. I try to make it to a majority of the events, but there is just no way I can handle going to every dinner and every party. I’ve tried to overlap plans with my own family so that I have an excuse at times.
His parents basically require us to be present for dinner every Friday night. It has put a damper on my social life and EXHAUSTS me. It is hard to be “on” all the time, you know? As a preface, I also WORK with my FI’s family, so you can imagine that this would be extra challenging. Long day of work, trying to remain calm amidst family drama and then having dinner together?? This weekend Shabbat dinner was canceled and I jumped for JOY. Hey, we’re only human right?
If it is a very important event, I go and say to myself that if I really don’t want to be there any longer, I’ll go and make an appearance and exchange some pleasantries. Most of the time, I end up staying because it’s not so bad, but a few times I have left early and that seems to work as long as you don’t do it too abruptly.
If it is a legitimate excuse like work, and they can’t accept that, that’s their problem, btw.
Also, if it’s an event I would want my Fiance to be present at if it was MY family, I go. Just make sure that your Darling Husband is being fair and attending all YOUR events too.
Post # 11
@Rouquine: It’s a bit different with my family because they live far away and we only see them once or maybe twice a year. However, if he couldn’t come with me (due to work or something), sure I’d be sad but neither me nor my family would think he didn’t care about us.
Post # 12
Definitely not required.
I’d talk to the Mr. as well and explain how much you love his family but you’d also enjoy taking time outs for just yourself or even just the two of you. His family might be more understanding if you skipped out on the events together, but still attended a lot.
Post # 13
@Treasure43: Hmmm.. yeah, I wouldn’t take it as if you didn’t care because you weren’t with them more than once a week. Well, what sort of events are these? I can’t imagine a family getting together three times a week! Haha. It was common in my family to have one get together on Sundays for our Sunday dinner (go Italians), but that’s about it. It was a day to eat, relax, and catch up.
Post # 14
I don’t think you have to, but then I don’t think he is obligated to attend every family event either. Sometimes life just gets in the way and you can’t make it. When we lived near my family Fiance enjoyed being part of my family and usually came with me but sometimes he had to work or had another obligation and couldn’t make. Hopefully your inlaws will realize you love and appreciate them, but sometimes you simply can’t be there.
Post # 15
I don’t care for my in laws so it may be a bit different, but I don’t go to everything and I don’t think you should have to either.
I’m in a similar situation where we don’t see them much either (1-2 times a year). I still skip out on stuff- work is a great excuse in my opinion (and I always plan my work around their visits)
Post # 16
@Treasure43: I don’t think you have to attend each and every thing (especially 3 in a weekend, sheesh!). I’d try to find a balance with Darling Husband. If he’s really on this ‘other half’ kick, then tell him that sometimes you just need some wind-down time and a break at home, and as your other half, he can decline one of the three invites and spend a lazy day with you. Balance is key, and some folks just like to do a lot of social events while others don’t. Nothing wrong with either viewpoint.