(Closed) Is it Rude?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to invite people to your shower that aren't invited to your wedding?
    No : (4 votes)
    4 %
    Yes : (69 votes)
    70 %
    Depends : (26 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    Work showers with an optional contribution to a group gift are ok. But don’t ask someone to a shower at a home or restaurant where everyone else is excited about attending the wedding and they are not invited. If you want to celebrate with them, have a party after the wedding is over.

    Post # 5
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    i think it depends. my wedding was tiny and private, we only had 18 guests. we later had a large reception and invited 150 guests. those invited to my shower that were not invited to the wedding were understanding of the situation and attended the reception.

    Post # 6
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    It’s one thing if you’re having a private ceremony and a large reception afterwards, like the PP, because they’re still being invited to the wedding celebration.  However, since the purpose of showers is to give gifts, it’s really rude to invite someone to that and not to the wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    I also think it depends. While we are not having a small wedding (100 ppl) 90% of that is family. My friends understand , they know I wish I could have more of them at my big day.But I want them involved. I DID tell them no gifts .

    Post # 8
    Member
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee

    We’re having a smaller wedding, but we didn’t invite anyone to a shower that wasn’t also invited to the wedding.  I know I had to make sure that my Future Mother-In-Law really stuck to this, because she’s throwing me a shower (and not happy about the size of our guest list).  Personally, I would be a little irritated if I had been invited to a shower and not the wedding.  Unless there were special circumstances, it kind of feels like trying to get as many gifts as possible.

    Post # 9
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I voted it depends because it really does. A friend of mine is having a shower with all of her friends from school and because her wedding is in a whole other state close to the holidays most of us aren’t invited. No one thought it was weird or rude because we understood the situation and probably wouldn’t of had the money to go anyway- because we are poor grad students. I like to think that she would have had us there if it was possible but wanted to include us in her special day somehow

    Post # 10
    Member
    2434 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    Other than work showers, mentioned above, the only thing I can think of are situations where your guests decide to bring a guest.

    For example- on of my BMs flew in for the wedding.  While I’m friendly with her family (aunts, cousins, etc) they weren’t invited to my wedding.  However, I thought they might want to attend in order to get to visit her.  I extended the invite with the understanding that I didn’t expect a gift, but would love to see them and let them spend more time with my Bridesmaid or Best Man.

    Also- I’ve had kids attend the shower that weren’t invited to the wedding.

    But in the case you describe, I think it was just greedy/rude.

    Post # 12
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    In my opinion it depends. If it is a small wedding with only family and the bestest of friends, then it isn’t rude, but was even nice for you to be invited to the bridal shower. But if it’s an average sized or big wedding then I’d find it rude.

    Post # 13
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I knew a girl that did this (well, I don’t think SHE invited people) but a bunch of people were invited to the shower that weren’t invited to the wedding- like old high school/college friends.

    I thought it was really rude. It seemed like she was just out to get gifts (although, like I said, I don’t think SHE invited the people, I think her Maid/Matron of Honor or mom did).

    Post # 14
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Etiquette dictates that you do not invite people to pre-wedding parties that you do not intend on inviting to the wedding.  That being said, there are exceptions to all rules.  I can’t think of any at the moment, but I’m sure there is a situation that would qualify.

    "Manners are a sensetive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use".  Emily Post  

    Post # 15
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    For a shower I think it’s rude, but for an engagement party I think it’s ok.  Because an engagement party is something you host, you pay for the food, and gifts are not expected.  But a shower is hosted FOR you, and gifts ARE expected.  So if the bride hosted it, I’d say it’s ok not to bring gifts and to invite people who aren’t invited to the wedding.

    Post # 16
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I do think it’s a little rude.  I would be offended.

    I was thrown a suprise shower, and unfortunately, some women were invited to my shower who were not invited to the wedding.  I was really embarressed, and hope they understood that I had no idea that this was going on. 

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