(Closed) Is it Rude?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to invite people to your shower that aren't invited to your wedding?
    No : (4 votes)
    4 %
    Yes : (69 votes)
    70 %
    Depends : (26 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 17
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think the only time you could get away with it is if you did a court house or really really small wedding.  I think that this should be considered before having the shower.  I’ve thrown several showers and always used the wedding guest list as a template for whom to invite.

    Another exception would be if your work threw you a shower.  This is pretty common and I don’t think you should be obligated to invited everyone you work since you have not control over these kinds of events.


    Post # 18
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    I believe it is rude!! It seems like they are just asking for a gift not to share their day with you!!

    Post # 19
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Yes, it is rude for a shower. The only exception I would make is that you are doing a destination wedding with family only. And even then I would be very cautious about it. If I were invited to a shower and not invited to a wedding, I would see it as the person just wanting to ask for gifts.

    And any showers that I have been a hostest for, I have had the bride make a list of those she wanted invited based off of the wedding guest list.  

    Post # 21
    8 posts
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think that this is rude… I would feel bad if I was invited to a shower and not the main event… I feel like you should let me make the decsion if I can come or not…

     This is almost like a friend of mine inviting me to the ceremony and not the actual reception, then a few days before the wedding she said that a few people had cancelled and she could "squeeze me in…"  needless to say i didn’t attend either I was hurt and I wish that I just wasn’t invited to anything… 

    Post # 22
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I agree that it depends–especially on the work shower issue. I’m not inviting all my coworkers (I work from home and am only close to a couple, so there has not even been office chatter–that I’m aware of–about my wedding); however, they are throwing me a shower, because they love to throw parties to celebrate, and I think it’s really sweet and a great excuse to see everyone. BUT I’m still not inviting them to the wedding…

    Otherwise, my mom’s friend is throwing a shower, and my mom wanted her to invite people I’m not inviting to the wedding, but I put my foot down and insisted that would be rude and create hurt feelings b/c I have no intention of expanding the guest list. Also, letting my mom know that extra invitees would mean extra people to pay for changed her tune rather quickly. 

    I’m sorry you were invited to the shower but not the wedding. I know you will have more class than that!  

    Post # 23
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    One of my husband’s cousin’s invited me to her shower- yet for some reason we were never invited to her wedding.  I was upset we spent 100 bucks to send her a gift for the shower.  It just seemed inconsiderate to me. 

        I think it would be fine if the bride was having a shower where there were no gifts being given and it was more of a get together. 

    The topic ‘Is it Rude?’ is closed to new replies.

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