(Closed) Is it Rude?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should i have my sister-inlaw in my wedding or just be part of my wedding!
    Not in the Wedding : (10 votes)
    12 %
    4th Groomsman : (21 votes)
    25 %
    Give another Task : (26 votes)
    31 %
    Bridesmaid : (27 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think the processional logistics is a pretty poor reason to exclude someone from the wedding party. You should ask her to be a bridesmaid if you believe she does/will support the union of you and your Fiance.

    Post # 4
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Can she pass out programs?  Help people find their seats?

    Post # 5
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Maybe ask her to do a reading or something…unless you can find a way to add her to the processionals!

    Post # 6
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    How old is his sister?  If she is old enough to be a bridesmaid, I think it is probably best that you include her.  If the brother is a groomsmen and she is relegated to passing out programs, she might feel slighted (and I’m not going to lie, I would feel that way if I were her).  And I wouldn’t put her on the groom’s side either, because that is still not fully including her…who would want to be the only female groomsmen just to keep an exiting plan?  Plans can change, but hurt feelings over something this big and important will probably last quite awhile.

    Post # 7
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Personally, I think if she said she wants to be a bridesmaid, it’s a little rude. I feel that the people you have stand up with you are special to you and probably have been in your life a long time. I wasn’t in my FH’s sister’s wedding (or asked to do a reading) and I’m not having any of them in mine. I’m not close to them, we don’t have a contentious relationship, but they’re just not the people I turn to in difficult situations.

    If your FH wants her included, I think it would be best to have her as a groomswoman, she’ll get her own special dress and be standing up to support her brother (as your friends are standing up to support you).

    If you’ve just heard that she wants to be involved, have her give a reading or maybe be your bridal attendant to help you get ready.

    People shouldn’t ask to be part of the wedding party – it’s like asking to be invited to the wedding.

    Post # 8
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    She can stand on his side

    Post # 9
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    If you want to keep every thing even when exiting…how about have your Maid/Matron of Honor walk out by herself and then have all the bridesmaids pair up with the dudes.

    Post # 12
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @Goldilocks- I completely agree!!  Soooo rude to ask to be in a wedding!!  I had this happen to me-twice!  SO AWKWARD.

    I think the same thing…if you have to THINK about whether or not she should be a bridesmaid, she probably shouldn’t be.  It shouldn’t be something you wrestle with in your head….your bridesmaids are supposed to be people that are really close to you.  I have four brothers- two of them are going to be in the wedding (one as a groomsmen, 19, and the other as the ring bearer, 4)….my other two brothers are not in the wedding, they’re not as close to my FH, and it’s his choice as to who he wants standing up there next to him, just as it’s my choice who stands next to me, ya know?

    On the other hand, I don’t think you should stress too much about the processional/recessional details…..you could have a few girls walk out alone if need be or something.  It’s not a big detail anyone will remember or even notice.  🙂

    I think the idea of having her do a reading is probably a good option…

    Post # 13
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I have to agree with @Goldilocks1107:.  If she asked, that’s just rude.  

    (One of my FI’s nieces, who I’ve met and get along with, asked HIM if she could be in OUR wedding!  He didn’t reply and I never mentioned it to her.  (I DID friend her on FB when she asked and have posted wedding-related comments, lol. I know… it’s evil.)  )

    If she just now asked, then no or as the others said, offer her to stand with the guys. 

    If you asked her at the start, that’s different.  You should allow her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man since you did, originally, offer. 


    Post # 15
    759 posts
    Busy bee

    She’s young so she probably saw that all the siblings had a part in the wedding and wanted to be a part of it too.  If she was older then I would definitely think it’s rude. Me, I would just let her be a bridesmaid.  Or if you can find some other fun role she can play then maybe you can assign that to her? 

    Otherwise I think JsDragonfly has the perfect solution, if logistics are your biggest concern.

    Post # 16
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would have her stand on his side…it makes the most sense for every reason. (numbers and famiy/friends wise) ITs not weird people do it alllllll the time.

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